I'll try to make this as brief as possible. After about 5 years of crack and other drug additions, my stepdaughter wanted our help. She gave birth to two children while on crack, and both were taken away from her and the babies' daddy..who is also an addict/dealer.
After a couple weeks of research and begging I got her into a center for drug free living where we live. She was there for 3 months. The whole time she was there, she continuously broke the rules, because she thought they were stupid, and lied about everything. She got involved with another resident. They were told on several occasions that the involvement was not advised during their treatment. They thought that was stupid too. They were both kicked out last week, because of the continuing of breaking of the rules.
She is staying with us, temporarily, but I have a few questions.
Today she is on the bus going for a visit to her "new friend's" house. I don't think she should have gone. I think she should have stayed and gone thru the papers looking for jobs, and making calls for interviews. Her mother is saying that if she doesn't have a job in two weeks, we will kick her out. Her lying is the biggest problem. She is lying about everything little things and big.
Someone give me some advice please. I want to do what's right...but I feel like this is a continuation of the past year. If we say something she doesn't like, she will leave and go.
Thanks.

talaniman

Unfortunately 90 days is not a cure, but a guide, and detox time, and a chance to learn how to deal with the addiction. Having been kicked out, she wasn't ready to quite, and is not ready to do what it takes to stay clean (going to meetings etc). So the only thing I can advise is don't be surprised if she is back to square one, and using again. Sorry, until she is ready to change all the help and good intentions in the world are useless. Do you attend Al-Anon? Try it for yourself, not her.

shellyjo68

Absolute truth. Get involved with Al-Anon or something simular through your church. Let the daughter know you will support her in her recovery but she needs to stick to a professional plan--following ALL the rules not just those she considers un-stupid and until that time the door is closed. It hurts. I almost lost everything sticking by someone recovering by his own plan because the professionals didn't have a clue--per him, not me.

grets1333

Yesterday 05:54 PM
shellyjo68 Quote:



Thanks to you both for responding.Did you catch the part where she is staying with us? We are going to sit her down tonight and lay down the rules and also let her know how we feel. She called late last night to let us know she was spending the night with her friend. We both kind of figured this would happen, but still knew it was immature and inconsiderate behavior. She might get upset and leave tonight...that will be her choice. We are both in our mid 50's and don't feel we should have to support a 25 year old, who has chosen this path. We love her and will help, but she has to be willing to work with us.
Thanks again.

talaniman

Yes I did, and know it wont last long at all. Your doing the right thing by setting rules in your house, and its her choice what she does about it. Its is important that you not enable her bad choices, nor help her out of the fixes those choices cause. Your tough love will help her reach her bottom, and when she has had enough misery and pain she MAY be ready to quite. I wish you much luck, and pray for the best.

berrysweetncgurl

I really feel for you, it is very hard to deal with a crack addict because treating that addiction is next to impossible. My little boys father is an addict and it has tore my life apart. Be careful with your valuables because any addict who "needs" the high will steal from you and not think twice about it. Me and my little boys father just split up after a 3 year up and down struggle with his drug problem. My last straw was finding pawn receipts in his wallet to all my gold jewerly. That hurt. I hope she has better luck coming off of crack but like I said before it is a never ending struggle to stay clean off of crack. Just protect yourself and your family and if she continues to remain out of control or exhibits signs of drug use. Throw her out, she will have to hit rock bottom before getting any better.

andybear72

Hi there. I,myself am an addict. I have been through a whole bunch of recovery houses and treatment centers. Like your daughter i thought all their rules were absolutely ridiculous and had nothing to do with me staying clean. It is no wonder that I relapsed over and over again. I also did the early recovery relationship thing. A couple of times. Bad,bad move. I am sorry to say that it really sounds like yor daughter is on her way to a relapse if she hasn't already. I will tell you when I was able to stay clean. When I was completely broken. My father wrote me off. He no longer saved me every time I needed him. The rest of my family also let me sink. I went at the drugs real hard and heavy for a while. But when I decided toclean up I knew it was for me. Not to placate my dad. Not knowing in the back of my mind that I would use again and everything would still be okay really. I cleaned up because using sucked real real bad when i didn't have any one there to bail me out. Being clean I have rebuilt my relationships and they are better than they have evr been. I think you need to take a look at that maybe you are enabling her a bit. Good luck. My prayers are with you and your daughter.

andybear72

I apologaize. Why i wrote this i don't know. I am in no place to give advice. In all truth I am in a relapse and obviously in denial

talaniman

Let your honesty motivate you to be the person your talking about. Don't give up on yourself, just start now, and love yourself.
You can do this.

grets1333

Originally Posted by andybear72
Well andybear, I'm sorry that you relapsed, and hope you are on your way to be where you need to be. I will pray for you too.

grets