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My boyfriend is a severe alcoholic. His father was an alcoholic, his siblings are alcoholics. We live in a town that has a terrible alcohol problem. His friends are ALL addicts of one substance or another. In the last 5 years he has been in trouble several times... ALL alcohol related. I want to plan an intervention because if he doesn't quit I am afraid either A) He will get in trouble again and this time it could be worse. or B) He will develope health problems due to drinking. The thing is there isnt a person I know that he is close to that can help me because I am afraid he will be reluctant to admit he needs help when someone with their own addiction problems is telling him he needs it. I also can't afford treatment for him.
so my question is
1) Is there grants for financing available for this?
2) How can I get though to him will all this negative pressure around?
An intervention is a hard thing to do. It is gut wrenching! But, if it can get your loved one to stop on the path of distruction, it is worth it.
I agree that it wouldn't be worth your time to fill a room with other addicts to get your bf to stop.
I don't know if there is financing available for treatment. Does he have health insurance? Most times they pay for this kind of treatment. There are some facilities that will take payment plans. And treatment is very important. Alcohol is one of the few drugs that, while going through withdrawals, without medical attention, it can kill you. At least, that is what we were told when we did an intervention for one of my family members.
Is there anyone else in his life that is clean and sober? You don't need a lot of people to do this.
When the time comes, be prepared. Have all your ducks in a row.
I am surrounded by alcoholics and drug addicts and in thirty years I haven't seen an of them quit.
The sad facts are
A. They have to want to quit
B. If they go to rehab and do not want to quit the only thing it accomplishes is cleaning out their system so they can come back and start over with a better tolerance until they get their body back to the point where they were when they went into rehab. I know people who go to rehab JUST so they can clean their system out enough to have the better tolerance.
C. As for the negative pressure: I have watched a couple of my friends that really did want to quit and they were literally harassed by all the other addicts until they started again. My one friend that was doing good a month ago is slowly falling back and the friends are after him with guns.
D. Most of what I said is mostly drug addicts but it is not at all much better for the alcoholic.
E. Another friend of mine keeps crying he has cancer and he has liver damage and he is dying. Even with dying he will not quit drinking and smoking cigarettes. He understands that they counteract his medicines and it makes it harder for him to get better but he still can't go without constant drinking. He no sooner buys a case of beer and he is worrying how he is going to afford his next case.
F. There are programs depending on income and your location.
I think a better solution to your problem is to find a new boyfriend. Trying to play rescuer will only come back to haunt you.
You know if I was on here saying my sister had an alcohol problem would you tell me to find a new sister? He is my family I love him and I care for him and want to see him be the person I know he can be, and don't want to see him get sick, hurt, or in trouble. Please do not answer if you can not provide a helpful, useful suggestion or advice as that is what I am here for.
You are enabling his behavior and that would be the same as if he were your brother or cousin. YOU cannot save him. You cannot get him into treatment if he does not want to go. You cannot stop him from drinking if he does not want to. You cannot change his family and friend's drinking. Being where he is, is reinforcing his own behavior.
IF he did go to a rehab center and come out clean and went back to his family, he would be drinking again in less than a month. The alcoholic is not the one only who is unhealthy. Often involves unhealthy families and friends. Someone who does obtain sobriety and wants to maintain that sobriety often has to make that choice between family and staying dry. Might mean a move to a different town and start all over new.
There are some states, not sure where you live, that have state run facilities for alcohol and drug addiction. Those places use insurance and self pay - for those who do not have resources, they are not turned away. You will need to do some checking.
It does not sound like your bf attends AA but you can attend Al-Anon - an organization for families and friends of people who are have an alcohol addiction. You need help with your own thoughts and feelings. Learn that the best thing you can do is often to keep yourself healthy. Not getting into the head games alcoholics play, but releasing your own sense of responsibility and putting that where it belongs.
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