Living with a gambling addict

It's very tough living with someone that gambles. I have just a little while ago lost my wife because of having a gambling and vicodin problem. I told her to leave because she told me I just want to take away the things she likes. We were married only for two years. I am totally devastated over this mess, and had to talk to counselors because I was about to kill myself. When she left I was left with $56,000.00 of credit card debt, and now have to file bankruptcy. I have $100.00 in the bank after I just got paid for the month. I asked my wife to pay me $300.00/mo for the $558.00/mo that is taken out of my check to keep her on my health insurance. You see, she can go on her companies insurance, but my insurance gives her 200 vicodin/mo where her insurance would only give her 30 vicodin/mo. I asked her to go on her own insurance, but she didn't want to, and also didn't want a divorce. I truley believe she didn't want a divorce only to keep the monthly vicodin. I told her I was going for the divorce, and she came down on me like a ton of bricks. She told me I only wanted money from her. I've learned that addicts talk through their addiction, and not rational thought. She said I threw her love for me in the gutter because of all this. I just couldn't stand coming home to an empty house because she was at the casino sometimes 7 days a week. To me, even though I am devastated would rather get a divorce than put up with stress. I have tried to save the marriage, but she said she doesn't have problem. If she recognized it was a problem I would have done everything in the world to help her. I am saddened and depressed, but I will get over it. If your spouse has a problem and admits it , then do what you can to help, but if they don't want to admit it I can empathize with you because there might not be anything you can do about it but save your sanity. I wish all with this problem good luck.

An addiction in the context that you reference was once clearly identifiable. Physiological dependence.

Thanks to us mental health professionals that is no longer the case. Currently any repetitive misbehavior or pleasure seeking is viewed as addiction whether or not it results in discernible pathophysiology or neurologic alteration. Those attributes are amazingly assumed.

That could be, but in my opinion, we have long since crossed the line between social values; self-regulation of personal conduct, and psychopathology; dictating lack of control of same.

The distinction herein lies in remedy: A pill or a "butt-kickin". Based on your description I believe I would gravitate to the latter.

Please don't interpret my response as unsympathetic to your personal circumstance, but I do wish to redirect your avenue of thought.

If you or someone you know is struggling with a gambling problem, help is available. Contact Gambling Support Services, 24/7 at 905-684-1859 to speak with a counsellor. Appointments available to meet with a Gambling counsellor, at no cost, in St. Catharines, Niagara Falls, Welland, Fort Erie and Grimsby, Ontario. Go to www.cas-n.ca for more information.

I hope this helps all of you. It truly comes from the heart of true addict who is truly honest with himself and others. I stopped gambling for 4 years. The quitting gambling in all honesty is not hard when your family confronts you with problem and you recognize it is as a problem. I went to GA meetings for 2.5 years. I stopped going and within 1 year I started gambling again. Here is what I have learned after finally truly realizing it is a problem. This may be a shocker but gambling was never ever my problem. Gambling was a symptom to my real problems. I am educated and my parents were nothing but great parent s. My two older sisters were nothing but gems. Long story short I went to rehab. I was the only person there for gambling and everyone else was there for drugs and alcohol. In the end, we were all addicts but we all chose and I mean "CHOSE" our way of hurting ourselves. I am no better or worse than anyone. He is what I learned from 25 days of hard core writing, listening and talking. I learned that gambling was never my problem. I learned that my specific problem was not dealing with my true problems in life. I was never able to deal appropriately with success or failure. I learned that I was immature and didn't want to grow up. I learned that I didn't go with my gut but did what I thought others wanted me to be or do. I learned that I would rather take the easy road than the straight, normal and honest road in dealing with difficulties whether job, relationships, money etc. My point is this: I have finally understood my problem was never gambling. Gambling was my way of running or confronting my problems in my life. I came back from rehab, got a job, communicated with my girlfriend, her family, my family and friends in the most direct hard core and honest way possible no matter what the circumstance or possible outcome. I just knew I didn't want to lie anymore and that I wanted to change my life. My life is definitely different but I can say I am say person but better or greater. I can see it, feel it and hear it from others. It is life changing and incredible. I am finally a humble, understanding and reasonable person. I have forgiven myself for my mistakes and shortcomings and I moving forward. I work at it everyday. I work on my life and confront my problems and when I think I need help or advice to work my problem (not gambling) then I ask my boss, talk to my significant other, call a friend, call a family member or call someone from GA. I go to many GA meetings and it bothers me each time I hear someone has a gambling problem. I keep to myself because it is not my place to tell people what they should think, say or do but in it all honesty it bothers me. Gambling is a symptom not a problem. Gambling is like when you have a fever for 7 days. The fever is a symptom to a much bigger problem like cancer or whatever. The fever like gambling exposes the real problem. I have to say that I took my rehab serious at 39 years old and my family could not have made a greater investment in my life than they did for me going to private school or loving me. I went at a time when I wanted to change my life and I wanted to get well. I was determined and relentless in my schooling. Sadly, out of the 30 people I met in rehab I am the only person that I know of that has made it thus far. Nothing in life is easy and it shouldn't be if it is worth living for but nothing in life is impossible if you want it bad enough for yourself. I wanted to get well and I wanted to learn and I wanted to make a better life for myself. I had beat myself up for 7 years because I could never forgive myself for what I did to myself and others. I can proudly say that I confronted my problems, worked on them, deal with them daily and speak about them freely. I am not afraid of myself or what others feel about me. I love myself, I love everyone who is a part of my life and I hold no grudges. I write like it is easy but isn't but it is easy when you are laser focused and let everyone know what is going on because I am 100% honest. It is all starts with HONESTY. If you can't be honest with yourself then you can never be honest with anyone. HONESTY - I lied about everything and to everyone because I thought I was protecting myself and them. All I did was hurt myself and them. My girlfriend and I are not together right now but our relationship is grander than ever. We hope it will work out but I know it will take time, hardwork and 100% honesty on both sides. I love myself and my life by not gambling and by confronting all my struggles and challenges. I don't procrastinate anymore and I don't lie anymore and it is amazing how much people respect you and talk about themselves when they know how honest I am. They love me and respect me for being so honest and humble. I love it. I live it and I will always live this way. It is the way life is suppose to be lived. No addict will go to treatment or at least learn from treatment until they are ready to do so. It sucks to say this but if I was 29 there is no way I would have gone. Sadly, we need to almost lose our entire soul before realizing we need help. I have many friends that live each day never making progress in life. Half have been to rehab and the other half will never realize or accept the fact they need help. I pray for myself each night, I pray for family and friends and I pray for all the people that need help but choose not to seek it. I don't blame them- I just pray for them. Life is good when doing the right things in life. In fact, it is great when doing the right things in life. Life is easier when dealing with our problems and exposing ourselves. Harboring our troubles only leads to bigger troubles. Strength is dealing with our problems not a weakness. I have the strength now to hopefully to deal with whatever comes way. If I don't then I know who to call so they can give me honest and appropriate advice.

Wow - reading everyone's posts is like living my life for real. I keep this fake persona and act like we don't have a dark secret. We do have a dark secret, my husband and his severe gambling problem. He is spending about $6K a month on poker, both online and at a casino that is 2 hours away. He makes me feel guilty when I won't give him money. He thinks that he can "beat everyone" at poker and win his money back. Meanwhile, he just puts more bad money in and never takes anything out. While he is busy spending our money, I am trying to keep our business afloat. I am becoming extremely resentful. Sad Wife of 16 years!

Hi,I had a long distance relationship with my bf for 4 years,while I was in the US studying and he was in Europe...and I was extremely happy to get back home and live with him,because we had so many dreams and I thought he was the one.. During the time we were appart I used to help him financially a little,with some medical bills,food and little on rent. I think there is something strange with this guy,honestly i m very confused and I need some advice,to understand the situation, He calls himself a professional poker player but in fact he s none of that,He has no job at all,his mom is working just to support him,she is literally giving him all the money she has,he even got her in debt and I'm paying for everything in the house. I wanted to make him feel comfi so I gave him money to go shopping for us,food etc or for whatever he needed and I found out he lied to me about things like he would say he spent $100 on something when in fact he spent $60. Overall he is an amazing guy,is cooking for me and is very loving,but I can t trust him anymore these days.He did this couple times,so I caught him when I checked the online statement and I saw that he bought credit on a website to play poker,he didn t spend a lot of money but I guess that is not the matter here but the fact that he lied to me really bad,even when I showed him the statement he denied,he said it was an old transaction that just showed up,of course a lot of bull.These things for me are shamefull,it makes me cry when I think of what happened,because I grewn up in a family where I was taught to be honest.I ve tried to discuss with him about it but there is no chance for me to be heard ,whenever i talk he s quiet,barely says,ok or yes and after i start crying he tell s me that I don't understand him....that playing poker is what keeps him relaxed and happy. I really need help,I was away from my home land for so many years and I don t have any friends to talk with about this issue and I cannot open up in front of my family,also I m a very sensitive woman and I don;t feel secure anymore in this relationship. My trust was shaken and i'm in such depression because this man is the reason why I moved back to my country. I m lost and I cannot put myself back together,I cannot think straight. Any warm advice is more than welcome. Thank you