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robertsqueen · Apr 20, 2007, 09:44 AM

So yesterday we got a disturbing call from my uncle. He informed me that my brother is addicted to meth and stole a credit card from another employee. Also he is in trouble and debt with a drug dealer. WHAT DO I DO? I can't believe this. We are going to denver hopefully to convront him and to try to get him involved in rehab. He also has two children. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS IS MY BROTHER. Just please give me some encouragement or advise... I am falling apart. First my aunt is dying and now this? What else am I going to have to go through?:mad:

Kstar4u · Apr 20, 2007, 04:51 PM

Hang in there, Kiddo! I hope that your planned intervention helps with your brother. Sometimes when a person is faced with the realization that there ARE people who care and that if one is willing to ask for help, there ARE people that can provide a support network. But... I have to tell you... if he isn't ready or willing... the only thing you can do for him is love him, pray for him and let him go. These suggestions are just my opinion, though. If he's not ready... he's not ready. Pain has always been a great motivator and pain may be what it takes. I would also suggest that you help yourself by getting involved with a support group that may help you to avoid the pain that comes with seeing a loved one hurting.

Every step I've taken in my life has brought me to right here. I have come to believe that the things that I've done, the pain that I've experienced (due to my own addicted behavior) were the very things that were necessary for me to make my way back from the abyss.

God Bless you (believe it or not... He HAS Blessed you... with this opportunity to find out what the real important things in life are).

robertsqueen · Apr 20, 2007, 08:00 PM

I am not going... I have decided that seeing my brother in the shape would do more harm then good. My mother is going to go get him and bring him here for a while to get help. I live in a small town and we feel that this would be the best for him. Plus my uncle-chuckies boss isn' being very supportive. How should I act when I see him? I am scared!

Kstar4u · Apr 20, 2007, 08:17 PM

I think that if you act like his sister... you'll do just fine. Are you expecting a monster? He's still your brother and always will be. I would recommend treating him like you always have. He's lucky to have a sister that cares. It would probably be best for you to NOT emphasize his current situation, out of proportion, even though it has the potential for being life-threatening. Let him make the choice for recovery. You cannot do it for him.

His condition is very, very common these days. If he will admit that he has a problem... on his own... and ask for help... with his heart... he'll be on his way. Just be patient, tolerant and try to be understanding.

robertsqueen · Apr 20, 2007, 08:19 PM

Thank you I am trying to be... its just I am worried about the my nephews you know? And I am just afraid to see him high.. I have never seen anyone high.

Kstar4u · Apr 20, 2007, 08:31 PM

If he hasn't been using drugs for very long (and it doesn't take very long to become addicted)... He is probably much more of the brother you know, than the one you're afraid of. Please try to understand that he may not react to your concern with the same degree of importance that you put on it. Lead him to help and let him put HIS hand out for it. You may be in for a roller-coaster ride but if he reaches the "bottom"... that'll be his best hope for the "top".

JoeCanada76 · Apr 20, 2007, 11:07 PM

Originally Posted by robertsqueen

So yesterday we got a disturbing call from my uncle. He informed me that my brother is addicted to meth and stole a credit card from another employee. Also he is in trouble and debt with a drug dealer. WHAT DO I DO? I can't believe this. We are going to denver hopefully to convront him and to try to get him involved in rehab. He also has two children. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS IS MY BROTHER. Just please give me some encouragement or advise...I am falling apart. First my aunt is dying and now this? What else am I going to have to go through?:mad:

I hope you do not mind if I say a few things and make a few comments.

You have your own little family to take care of. You can not always worry or even control every situation in your family. I know you feel obligated to help out. At the same time it is not really your concern. I know he is your brother but it should be up to your parents or other family members to confront him. What do you do, I think you should absolutely do nothing. This added stress or thinking you have to fix everything will wear you down and honestly you need to be strong for your little one. Your focus needs to be on the little one. No need to fall apart. You can not control somebody else's behaviour. Honestly in my opinion you do not have to go through this. It is up to your parents or uncle to actually deal with this. Since they are the ones that knew about it first. This is just my opinion.

grammadidi · Apr 20, 2007, 11:22 PM

Further to my comments above and in your thread about your aunt... If you really feel you must do something then attend some Al-Anon meetings to get a better perspective on the best way to deal with the situation. One of the most important things you might learn is "Let go and let God".

You are spreading yourself way too thin. You will be no good to anyone if you get ill. It's not fair to YOUR son, or your husband. I beg you to concentrate on your own little family. It's okay, you don't have to be a superwoman... honest! Believe me... I speak from experience.

Hugs, Didi

robertsqueen · Apr 21, 2007, 04:17 PM

Well I my sister and mom left for denver today.. I didn't go. You guys are right I need to focus on my husband and son. It is just hard because I love him so much. Hopefully he will come live in our little town, and get better.

grammadidi · Apr 21, 2007, 04:50 PM

Good for you! Of course you love him, sweetie, but you can't live his life for him. You will do best by emotionally being supportive and standing beside him IF he is staying out of trouble and off the drugs. Otherwise, the best thing you can do for HIM (and yourself, actually) is withdraw from him until he is straight.

Your husband and son need you far more. You are shaping that little boy's life... and remember, you want to spend the rest of your life with your husband. It's all good for you in the long run.

Hugs, Didi

Kstar4u · Apr 21, 2007, 05:51 PM

Please keep us "posted". We care and are here to support YOU. Remember though, just like your brother... you have to be the one that does "it" for yourself (and your family, of course). I believe that God is at work everywhere and the hard things we face in life can be perceived as opportunities instead of hardships.

Godspeed

robertsqueen · Apr 21, 2007, 06:40 PM

My little boy said meth today. We were watching his cartoons he turned to me and said meth... oh my gosh. I couldn't believe it. He must have overheard me talking to my husband. I am kindof worried about him coming to hot springs, beucase I don't my son to be around drugs. I have worked hard to protect him. I just wish I didn't have to protect him from someone that means so much to me.
He told my mom that my uncle exhaderated it and he dosne't do it that often. Isn't the first sign of a drug attict to deny? He also hasn't told his wife, and dosne't want to tell her until after this weekend. My uncle told him that he has to take a urine test on Thursday and my brother told my mom that his schedule will be clear after wendsday. I am just confused. I want to be there... but it is tearing me up. He is in trouble with a drug attict... won't the drug attict kill him if he dosen't get his money?

JoeCanada76 · Apr 21, 2007, 07:40 PM

Its not your problem. You can not do anything. Best way to help him his let him face his own demons and change his ways on his own. That is the best way.

robertsqueen · Apr 21, 2007, 07:43 PM

I know but it is so hard to just sit back and watch, you know?

JoeCanada76 · Apr 21, 2007, 07:49 PM

Honestly, for me personally. That is exactly what I would do. I have spread myself way to thin before and it does not benefit anybody.

The thing is by you trying to rescue a family member and possibly get him out of trouble he is never going to learn or change for himself and the problems will continue to exist.

I know that you may find it hard to sit back and watch, but why even watch. Focus on what is truly important right now. That should be your only concern right now. I hope you eventually come to terms with that.

robertsqueen · Apr 22, 2007, 09:26 PM

Me and my family went into town today... that was really fun. I haven't talked to anyone all day... and that is a big step for me.

grammadidi · Apr 22, 2007, 09:51 PM

I can tell that is a huge step for you! That's wonderful! You need more of those days. It is difficult to grow up and put your new life and family first, but the more you practice the easier it will become. You can still love your 'original' family... but your marriage and role as a parent now comes first.

You are doing fine... try not to feel so darned responsible for everyone else! :)

Hugs, Didi

tntmiguez · Apr 26, 2007, 05:00 AM

Originally Posted by robertsqueen

So yesterday we got a disturbing call from my uncle. He informed me that my brother is addicted to meth and stole a credit card from another employee. Also he is in trouble and debt with a drug dealer. WHAT DO I DO? I can't believe this. We are going to denver hopefully to convront him and to try to get him involved in rehab. He also has two children. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS IS MY BROTHER. Just please give me some encouragement or advise...I am falling apart. First my aunt is dying and now this? What else am I going to have to go through?:mad:

I know several people who are addicted to it and it does that to them... but the only way for things to get better is if he wants to stop because if you just make him go to rehab it will be for the wrong reasons I would sit down and talk to him and ask him if his kids or meth is more important whenever he is sober... but first he needs to be sober because without that its going to go in one ear and out the other... if he doesn't want to straighten up let him know he could go to jail for credit card fraud and I'm sure he doesn't want that... the best thing is for him to go to rehab and then to move away from his old friends not back to the same place he was using... if he doesn't want to do that then you will have to do tough love and call the cops on him and make him realize that way, for some people that is what it takes, for others not... but I mean honestly I know he is your brother but if he isn't ready to straighten up he needs to go to jail for a little while and realize damn this isn't the life I want to live maybe that's what it will take... drug dealers don't mess around so he better do something, your in my prayers... if you have any other questions ask me.. also rate this answer please!

Diamondgirl · May 1, 2007, 07:59 PM

Originally Posted by robertsqueen

So yesterday we got a disturbing call from my uncle. He informed me that my brother is addicted to meth and stole a credit card from another employee. Also he is in trouble and debt with a drug dealer. WHAT DO I DO? I can't believe this. We are going to denver hopefully to convront him and to try to get him involved in rehab. He also has two children. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS IS MY BROTHER. Just please give me some encouragement or advise...I am falling apart. First my aunt is dying and now this? What else am I going to have to go through?:mad:

My son did the same thing right after my mother died. He was arrested. I feel your pain. He went through rehab, has a job now and has been clean for 4 months. Meth is the most addictive drug out there, I pray it's not too late for your brother. You can get through this, I have. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do though. Just know you're not alone, there is help, do everything you can to get him in a good rehab program. A meth addict will lie, cheat, steal, anything to get their fix. They can't help it. He can't do it alone. Be there for him but don't let it ruin your life, it will if you let it. Make sure you don't let this take over your life, trying to help him. I'm still struggling to understand. Do what you can for him, it's up to him to quit, nobody can do it for him. Don't let his problems take over your life, I can't emphasize that enough. Be sure you get some help too, rehab centers can recommend some good programs for help for the family of the addict. Good luck