At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
my boyfriend and i have been together for awhile i know he used to be an alcoholic but he stopped drinking for awhile. he just recently moved in with a friend of his and he started drinking occasionally. i think his alcoholism has come back but i don't know how to approach it or how to get him help. every time i try to talk about he is either too drunk to know what i am saying or he gets mad and says he just needed to relax from work. i am very scared for him. and i really need help. he doesn't change when he is drunk but it has gotten ridiculous. for example tonight we were supposed to hang out when i got off work but he went to go play cards with some friends so i wait from eight until twelve and he still hasn't called, so i call him and he is slurring his words horribly he cant talk about one subject for more than one sentence and he told me he had twenty drinks. i know he drives after he drinks and that scares me so much. i just want to help him but i don't know where to start. please help
i think you should know the real reason why he drinks too much aside from he needed to relax from work. his reason is not enough because there are other ways to be relaxed. try to approach him and ask if there's something bothering him when he's not drunk. you just have to be patient if you really want to help him.
Your boyfriend sounds to me like he has something other than you on his mind!
Alcoholism is all consuming,in recovery, we look for a way to not repeat the excesses and irresponsible behaviors of the past, he seems to be regressing to this state and leaving you behind.
This is more than a passion,alcoholism is a way of life(or death as it were)
The idea that he would rather have 20 drinks than call you suggests trouble for you and maybe you might want to start looking for a different boyfriend.Perhaps one who is interested in you not the bottle.
He is not able to be a good boyfriend to you at the moment. He needs help. If he is an alcoholic he will always be an alcoholic but he can recover IF HE WANTS TO. He has to want to change. Suggest AA to him. If he does not want to change, your situation will not get any better, it will only get worse. Its so difficult when you love someone, but my advice to you would be to leave him until he sorts himself out. Put yourself first and be happy, see your friends and get a life of your own. He will never make you happy when he is drinking like that. If you want to find out more, go to an Al-non group, this group is for people who know or having to deal with an alcoholic, they would be very helpful for you. Dont waste your time trying to change him, it wont work, you can only change your own behaviour and take steps to look after you and get a good life.
Let me see, you are scared of him, he will not listen to you or he is too drunk to talk to. Sounds like a great life ?? this is what life with him will be like only worst the longer you are with him,
He has made a choice he perferes his buddy and his drinking over you, now it is time for you to choose to be used, abused and forgotten or move on to a new boyfriend that will not neglect you over drinking
The idea that he would rather have 20 drinks than call you suggests trouble for you and maybe you might want to start looking for a different boyfriend.Perhaps one who is interested in you not the bottle.
KBC
This is a terrible idea, don't do this. Someone with an alcohol problem needs help. They need guidance. If you love him enough to help him, reach out and help.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MayfairLady
He is not able to be a good boyfriend to you at the moment. He needs help. If he is an alcoholic he will always be an alcoholic but he can recover IF HE WANTS TO. He has to want to change.
True to some extent but that's thinking too shallow for someone who is trying to reach out to him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MayfairLady
but my advice to you would be to leave him until he sorts himself out.
Bad.....don't do this. That would be selfish.
Of course it will be by his own will, but it takes someone who cares sometimes with a little push to assist in the matter. It's true he won't make a decent boyfriend while his attentions are on alcohol, but there in lies the problem that needs fixing. He's obviously had a relapse since you mentioned before that he quit for awhile. This means he obviously is aware that he has a problem, and has a desire to quit. To be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous you all you need is the "desire" to quit...then BAM....you can go to any of the hundreds of meetings that meet at all hours of the day and night to assist other recovering alcoholics. And I do recommend AL-non as it will help you to find answers for yourself and for him as well.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and it will not go away. It takes hard work...and a true friend. I think tha'ts great you are there for him....don't give up.
Belay my last sentence......what I meant to say was, Alcoholism is a progressive disease that will not go away without assistance and hard work. Although I know many alcoholics that haven't picked up a drink in 15 or more years and still attend meetings everyday, and still call themselves alcoholics. They say it nevers goes away. It is cunning and patient disease, and that is way you have to avoid possible relapsing situations. It will require a lifestyle change for him...that is why most people have a hard time quitting. It's a change in lifestyle. If you educate yourself on the consequences and understand how it (alcohol) effects your life....most people realize they and thier loved ones are more valuable than falling by the wayside daily with alcohol.
Well, I guess I shouldn't speak on most people's behalf. But, people do recover from it. It's not a hopeless situation, though during alcoholism it seems that way. We become blinded by so many other things. I guess that's why they say alcoholism is a sympton of much deeper issues.
How many have I counseled? I don't do personal counseling. This site is the most I've "counseled" if you consider it couseling at all. It's more an advice site than counseling to me. Advice and opinionated really.
Also I'd like to beg to differ on MyFairLady's suggestion that the only selfish person is the alcoholic. That is contradicting I think. To say that if you walk away from someone for being an alcoholic is not selfish. You're obviously walking away from that person because you feel your not getting what you want out of the friendship or relationship. That's pretty selfish indeed. A non-selfish person would help them out as much as they are willinging before they walk out and "give up" persay.
Linear Mode
