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My husband is an alcholic. We do not hide the fact or are we ashamed of the fact. It is a disease that can not be cured but can be controlled. Just like a diabetic. It is a disease that can not be cured but controlled and no one is ashamed of it or hides it. Why then do the professionals think all alcoholics are hiding their drinking, hiding behoind a mask, and should be ashamed that they have a disease? Does anyone out there think this wrong like I do?
So you are one of those who have clung to the alcoholic has a gene that predisposes them to alcoholism. Which studies are you referring to here? If you can cite them, I would gladly read through them.
When I went back to college for my second degree, which was Addiction Counseling, there were those who believed as you do. There were those who stated that their feet would just take over when they walked down the street and the next thing they knew, they were in a bar drinking.
You talked at great length about how the counselors would brow beat your husband. Do you know how deeply in denial many alcoholics are? I mean DEEPLY! Same as people with anger problems. That "brow beating" is a probing technique used to ferret out the true inner self. It used on the alcoholic and the family. As it is known the family can cover so very well.
You have your own issues here - anger is the first one. I think a
co-dependency group would be an excellent one for you to get involved with. If you have children, that there is a group for children of alcoholics.
I don't believe in teaching that alcoholics should be ashamed or embarassed that they are alcoholics. What is shaming is their behavior and the things they did when they were in their binges. Sometimes some very lethal consequences.
Not all counselors work with the same methods. I prefer a Rogerian approach. If you do not like it, change it. But I would think you would not get different results, in this case. You have a huge chip on your shoulder.
The brow beating comment came because the couselor assigned to him did not believe him when he told the truth. The counselor told him continually he was not telling the truth. When they interviewed me seperately and I told the same truths the couselor still thought he was telling lies and insisted he was. Then my husband felt he had to tell lies to get the counselor to quit. He lied and the couselor quit because the lies fell into the stereo-typical alcoholic. What I have been trying to say is that I accept all people for who and how they treat me and others and that I accepted the fact that he is an alcoholic but our lives aren't disruptive like most. I wanted to see if there were anymore addicts with more qualities like we have instead of the stereo type. I am far from in denial. I am aware it could be so much worse and it is for a lot of others...but I can't believe all the others. I am not trying to judge anyone. I want to see if anyone else feels that treatment programs can only treat those who are violent, ashamed, hide their drinking etc....when I at least know one man who does not hide, is not violent, smiles most of the time, is not ashamed; its just been a part of him since he was a child. And why does society say I have to be ashamed of him? People aren't ashamed of partying on weekends, drinking during the superbowl, special occasions, wine at dinner, all the advertisments on TV and magazines for alcohol....but if a person has a disease that there is no cure for and wants to control it; if they arent violent, ashamed and hiding their drinking there isn't any help for them. AND yes he asked to be assigned to a new counselor when the counselor shared private information from their sessions with others because he no longer trusted the the counselor. He was told by the counselor that it couldn't be done and since he no longer trusted him they couldn't go any further.
Just who were the "others" the counselor shared the information with? Were they strangers or someone involved with the rehab center?
Also, your comparison of alcoholism as a disease and the disease of diabetes is ludacrious. Comparing those two is like comparing apples to oranges. The addict, whether it be drugs or alcohol, made the conscious decision to start drinking or drugging in the first place. The diabetic did not choose his/her disease.
Now, I know you're going to play the "genetics" card here. I don't particularly buy it. If a person has alcoholism in their family, and they are aware of it, they still have the choice to make the conscious decision to drink or not to drink.
The person who is genetically inclined to diabetes can do nothing about their background, they can follow a healthy diabetic diet and get all the exercise they need, but they either are going to get diabetes or they aren't. It's not a conscious decision on the part of the diabetic.
I like the quote about success is building a foundation with bricks thrown by others by David Brinkley.....seems like a lot of bricks are being thrown with no real answers. By the way he has been sober for a long time. I just think people should broaden their minds.
Who did the counselor share the information with? Were they strangers? Friends of your husband who did not know of his alcoholism? Or people who worked at the rehab facility?
For the one who asked the question about who he shared his information with. He shared it with other patients at the facility during group sessions. He was told by his counselor that it would all stay between them and not be shared. Then the couselor shared it all over the facility.
I like the quote about success is building a foundation with bricks thrown by others by David Brinkley.....seems like a lot of bricks are being thrown with no real answers. By the way he has been sober for a long time. I just think people should broaden their minds.
Maybe you should explain the whole situation because it doesn't make sense. Why is he in treatment if he's been sober a long time? What did the counselor say and to whom? Why did you start this whole string? What are you looking for?
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