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How to talk with my mother about my college choices when she is not wholly honest?
wanna live on-campus housing for at least one year, because it would help me facilite studying and getting involved in other on-campus activities, make friends. For first year I tried her option, communing and it stinked. And commuting was hassle with 1h - 1hL40 min commuting depending on which campus I had classes. I go to DePaul in Chicago in big city. So I received notification that I got on-campus housing and I am vetry happy about it. I figured out I will be able to pay for that and I'll include that with my loan. I talked with my mother about it but she is always negative. I told her how it is big chace to help me grow up, become more independent and responsible, then she conclued I can do that do under her house too (and her strict rules). She tries to scare me that I will only get in debt and I'l never get out of it. She even reasoned that America is going down the economy (besides we are Polish and she very religious and sometimes superstitous) .Then why I would go to go to college in first place if the world is due? When I was talking to her instead of sitting by table and listen to me with interest, she was moving around kitchen and rolled eyes how roomates will make mess in my room, and I am screwing my future. She said one of our neighbours goes to college too and he even commutes 2 h each way. I do not believe that. When I explained that how my degree gives good chance to earn good money (computer science), she even reasoned on that matter with falling economy!
Anyway I decided to live on-campus and I got confirmation and approval from financial aid to use funds to cover room and board too. But I did not tell her yet. What should I do? what if my mother threats me to cut me from my private student loan on my name (which had to be cosigned by my father). As I need it to cover the gap that financial aid did not cover. She used to warn me to prevent me from going to college if I did something wrong. Should I then decide to go to military and tell her? I would prefer to do tell or do something wiser than just sneak out or warn about military. Living on campus will even help me with keeping side job and having health insurace through employer and even pay interest while at school without having parents to ask. Currently I work in suburbs an go to school in city, it is not good if I decide to keep 20-25 h per week. I told her that but she is still negative.
do what you know is right for you... even if it takes more time, more work, and is a harder path. respecting your parents does not mean do all they wish. i think shes out of bounds. i think you have a good plan.
i have a friend whose mother all but sabotaged her ability to go to school financially. she hung in there... did the best she could, and got it done. i hope your mothers threats are hollow. if not, dont lose hope. there are lots of ways to get an education. if financially things fall apart id suggest community colleges. its a way to get your first year or two out of the way at a cheaper price, and still be able to transfer in and get the degree from the school you want.
you sound like you are of sound mind and spirit. you are already ahead of the game. whatever happens, trust in yourself and see your goals to the end, even if its not by the most convenient path.
Nothing in life is easy, and we all have to take those first steps to 'leave the nest' and find our own paths in life.
Take one issue at a time and get on with your life. Your mother will continuously find problems and reasons for you not to leave, but she will realize in the end that you have a right to seek your own happiness. She loves you and will eventually understand.
As far as your sexuality is concerned, I would not tell her right now - that would just make things harder on you with your family - or do you want to totally break from them? Deal with your roommates as an adult, and try to keep up with being tidy, this is your first time away from home and we all have to learn somewhere.. With finances, do the best you can with the options available, just like everyone else. As I said before, nothing in life is easy.
So, set your goals, strive to reach them and be proud of what you achieved, then your family will also be proud of you.
Don't forget though, this will not all happen over night - it takes time and work.
wanna live on-campus housing for at least one year, because it would help me facilite studying and getting involved in other on-campus activities, make friends. For first year I tried her option, communing and it stinked. And commuting was hassle with 1h - 1hL40 min commuting depending on which campus I had classes. I go to DePaul in Chicago in big city. So I received notification that I got on-campus housing and I am vetry happy about it. I figured out I will be able to pay for that and I'll include that with my loan. I talked with my mother about it but she is always negative. I told her how it is big chace to help me grow up, become more independent and responsible, then she conclued I can do that do under her house too (and her strict rules). She tries to scare me that I will only get in debt and I'l never get out of it. She even reasoned that America is going down the economy (besides we are Polish and she very religious and sometimes superstitous) .Then why I would go to go to college in first place if the world is due? When I was talking to her instead of sitting by table and listen to me with interest, she was moving around kitchen and rolled eyes how roomates will make mess in my room, and I am screwing my future. She said one of our neighbours goes to college too and he even commutes 2 h each way. I do not believe that. When I explained that how my degree gives good chance to earn good money (computer science), she even reasoned on that matter with falling economy!
Anyway I decided to live on-campus and I got confirmation and approval from financial aid to use funds to cover room and board too. But I did not tell her yet. What should I do? what if my mother threats me to cut me from my private student loan on my name (which had to be cosigned by my father). As I need it to cover the gap that financial aid did not cover. She used to warn me to prevent me from going to college if I did something wrong. Should I then decide to go to military and tell her? I would prefer to do tell or do something wiser than just sneak out or warn about military. Living on campus will even help me with keeping side job and having health insurace through employer and even pay interest while at school without having parents to ask. Currently I work in suburbs an go to school in city, it is not good if I decide to keep 20-25 h per week. I told her that but she is still negative.
PS. I will be sophmore and I am 20 years old.
Try to be understanding of your mother's upbringing. When family breaks up it causes a lot of stress. Good stress is to be found so you can succeed. Dwelling on the negatives gives you more negatives. Your mother gave you a great base to start with. You are talking about college not what your probation officer expects of you. She wants you to be alert and cautious so you won't be taken advantage of. Thank her for caring. Reassure her often that you will heed to all the warnings and remember the tender loving care she gave you when you where a toddler. Ask for a picture of her that you can take with you.
These are challenging times for you. Later you will need her advice so don't think negative about your mother. She did a fine job raising you.
Scouter5.
Try to be understanding of your mother's upbringing. When family breaks up it causes a lot of stress. Good stress is to be found so you can succeed. Dwelling on the negatives gives you more negatives. Your mother gave you a great base to start with. You are talking about college not what your probation officer expects of you. She wants you to be alert and cautious so you won't be taken advantage of. Thank her for caring. Reassure her often that you will heed to all the warnings and remember the tender loving care she gave you when you where a toddler. Ask for a picture of her that you can take with you.
These are challenging times for you. Later you will need her advice so don't think negative about your mother. She did a fine job raising you.
Scouter5.
wanna live on-campus housing for at least one year, because it would help me facilite studying and getting involved in other on-campus activities, make friends. For first year I tried her option, communing and it stinked. And commuting was hassle with 1h - 1hL40 min commuting depending on which campus I had classes. I go to DePaul in Chicago in big city. So I received notification that I got on-campus housing and I am vetry happy about it. I figured out I will be able to pay for that and I'll include that with my loan. I talked with my mother about it but she is always negative. I told her how it is big chace to help me grow up, become more independent and responsible, then she conclued I can do that do under her house too (and her strict rules). She tries to scare me that I will only get in debt and I'l never get out of it. She even reasoned that America is going down the economy (besides we are Polish and she very religious and sometimes superstitous) .Then why I would go to go to college in first place if the world is due? When I was talking to her instead of sitting by table and listen to me with interest, she was moving around kitchen and rolled eyes how roomates will make mess in my room, and I am screwing my future. She said one of our neighbours goes to college too and he even commutes 2 h each way. I do not believe that. When I explained that how my degree gives good chance to earn good money (computer science), she even reasoned on that matter with falling economy!
Anyway I decided to live on-campus and I got confirmation and approval from financial aid to use funds to cover room and board too. But I did not tell her yet. What should I do? what if my mother threats me to cut me from my private student loan on my name (which had to be cosigned by my father). As I need it to cover the gap that financial aid did not cover. She used to warn me to prevent me from going to college if I did something wrong. Should I then decide to go to military and tell her? I would prefer to do tell or do something wiser than just sneak out or warn about military. Living on campus will even help me with keeping side job and having health insurace through employer and even pay interest while at school without having parents to ask. Currently I work in suburbs an go to school in city, it is not good if I decide to keep 20-25 h per week. I told her that but she is still negative.
PS. I will be sophmore and I am 20 years old.
Tell her you love her, kiss her, wave her goodbye, but keep in touch.
Get the education you want, and good luck.
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