I was seeing someone as a friend with benefits at first then we spent so much time together that I fell in love with him. We were seeing each other every single day for months. I am now hopelessly in love and I don't know what to do about this situation. He does not feel the same way because I told him and he just stayed quiet. NO ANSWER. Ugh! He recently had a death to his immediate family. Someone deeply close to him. He is not all right now and I tried to comfort him but he told me that he does not want to talk to me or anyone. He said that he is not all right and neither is his family. There is nothing that I can say or do to comfort him. I know this. But now I am worried that he may never want anything to do with me again because he does not want to talk to me or see me until next week sometime. What do I do next? I have not communicated with him since he expressed this to me. I fear that he may meet someone else and never see me or talk to me again.

Everyone grieves in a different way. Give him and his family some time to get over the shock and let them be with each other. Once some time has gone by you can try calling him. Let him work through this right now, and deal with the friends with benefits thing later.

The underlining thing here is your comment about friends with benefits. I've posted this before a lot about situations like this, so here goes my take.

ONCE you sleep with a guy without establishing an emotional connection, meaning you are foregoing the relationship in favor of sex, than his opinion of you CHANGES IMMEDIATELY. He may like you, think your cool and attractive but you're a sex toy, a willing sex toy as that. He may have wanted a relationship but as soon as a guy is confronted with "no strings attached",especially before you tell him you like him, he will take it and that IS THE ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP.

A few other things, we as guys, take certain things into account with F-friends. We will consider whether you have done this in the past (not attractive), why date a girl when you can have the one thing hardest to get with no effort at all, and some others.

A relationship allows you to grow on what you already know of the person, so like I said, he may have thought you were hot and liked you but once you gave it up to him the situation KILLED the possibility of growth and getting to know you properly.

I know it sounds harsh, but a F-friend into a boyfriend is one of those things that RARELY happen, I haven ever even considered it and have never heard it happen either. Your fighting a very hopeless battle. All I can say is in the future think twice before you give yourself away for whatever reason, its not that all guys are pigs but if you play along than it is you that walked willingly into the lion's den. Your better than that:)

So do I call him next week or should I walk away and never look back? I can do the walking away and the NC but the not looking back is going to be hard. He lives across the street from me and has strong ties to my family. It would be difficult not to say "Hello" when I see him. The thing is, I have really good intuition and it keeps telling me that he has feelings for me. This is because of how much we have shared in the last few months. I thought we were bonding but he was always honest with telling me that he wanted nothing serious. I know we have a close friendship beyond the "benefits" But he is pressured by his family who disapprove of the union (most especially his MOMMA). I'm very confused with everything and not acting my age at all. I'm not as strong as I used to be before I got with him. It was easier then to act non chalant about a friend with benefits. It was a cool thing to do. Now emotions have toiled away in my brain and messed with my heart and I'm destined to be a wreck - crying on my pillow every night. I hate this.

Obviously you are not what he wants in his time of need. Cut the sex out, and cut him out of your life, and get a real relationship, built on honesty, trust and caring, with someone else. Hope you have learned something from this. He doesn't care for you, except in bed.

You are a "friend with benefits" nothing more. In fact, I would not even call that friendship. Friends with benefits is nothing more than giving yourself away for the heck of it. It tells your "friend" that you are good for a laugh and a "f" but that's it.
Leave him alone. Walk away from this with a lesson learned.

It was a cool thing to do?

The lesson is that it really isn't a cool thing to do and trust me, guys don't like it when their girls have acted in that manner, for future reference of course.

It's obvious he does not share the same feelings you do. As for your intuition, my intuition tells me I can get who I'm after regardless of the situation. When your feelings are out of place and your mind is not thinking clear about the situation, whatmakes you think your intuition is spot on, most likely that is out of sync too.

Sorry, but this is a battle you can't win/won't win. Save your feelings and thoughts for someone that sees you more as a person than a sex toy.

He told you he wants nothing more and it looks like you just refused to listen. You are nothing more to him than a bed buddy. Leave him alone and get this foolish notion of friends with benefits out of your head, in fact remove it from your vocabulary. There is no such thing.

For the sake of your sanity, take your power back. You were a whole individual person before you met him. He is an individual person. What you are missing is the emotional and physical bond that come with sex, you need to respect his request. Not respecting his request is crossing a boundary and that is going to end up getting unpleasant.

Fill your diary with 100 other things to do for a month and focus on yourself. Send him a bereavement card if your family have close ties. But leave it at that. Walk away and if he is interested in you he will find you. Do not wait for him, do not waste time speculating endlessly, walk away and find peace of mind and strength in your own heart.

This thread is old.
Nothing since Dec. 2007