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    snotbubble's Avatar
    snotbubble Posts: 70, Reputation: 3
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    #1

    Aug 25, 2007, 09:31 PM
    Boyfriend doesn't like my big boobs
    I have at least a size 38C cup size. (I fit better in a D cup, but the pretty bras only go up to 38C) I am 5' 4" and 140 lbs. i am not that over weight, but i have big hips, butt and boobs- you know curves....which i thought was a desirable thing. My boy friend likes B cups and i really think he feels that mine are too big. the only time he ever touches them is when i complain that he isn't.

    I seriously used to hate my boobs- they seemed to get in the way of everything and have no use except once or twice in a life time when i have kids in the future. but then when i was 16, i discovered how nice it was for them to be touched and to feel desired and all that. Then i finally felt at an advantage for having big boobs. but now i'm back to feeling that they have no use since my boyfriend doesn't seem to like them and he NEVER gets really into feeling me up.

    He says he's just doesn't care about nudity or boobs...and it really seems like it and that realy sucks! We hardly ever have sex with the light on. he says he likes to clothes his eyes and it's more enjoyable but if the light was on, it would burn his eyes. But i want to see him when we're in that moment, and it makes me feel like he DOESN"T want to see me.

    Here are my theories as to why he prefers smaller boobs: first of all his ex, his first serious relationship, the girl he was with for more than 5 years... has a B cup. Also, his mom was a stripper (big boobs though) and would talk about boobs like they were nothing (very bad example for kids) and he wasn't really restricted from nudity in movies and what not. The thing is, though, he absolutely hates porn. So I don't really know if he just doesn't care about boobs period or if he just likes smaller boobs on fragile girls like his ex.

    Please help me, I don't understand why this bothers me so much but I've actually cried about it and we've gotten into fights over me bringing it up too much. I just don't feel desired at all by him.


    p.s. him liking be cups is not in my head... he told me he liked for them to fit into a hand, which I pictured his ex right when e told me that, one of mine would need more than a hand to be covered. He said he couldn't help it that he liked smaller boobs. But he now denies saying things like that because he knows how much it bothers me.
    nicespringgirl's Avatar
    nicespringgirl Posts: 1,237, Reputation: 187
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    #2

    Aug 25, 2007, 10:09 PM
    All I want to say is that as a woman you got to love yourself, love your own body.
    Hey, if he doesn't like you because of the size of your breast, then he is pretty shallow.
    LOL, I mean not shallow, shallow guys will love you because of your breast.
    Well, anyway, he should like you as a whole, and you know that you deserve better and there will be TONS OF MEN out there laugh at your boyfriend saying "ew... i don't like my gf any more, coz her boobs too big!"
    If he gets too picky about your body( u can't change it), u might want to have a serious talk with him and then decide if he is worth of your time.
    Xrayman's Avatar
    Xrayman Posts: 1,177, Reputation: 193
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    #3

    Aug 26, 2007, 04:36 PM
    Have you discussed about ALL the things you don't like about him? With him? Perhaps he needs to understand that YOU like them and YOU like them touched. Then he and you might enjoy them BOTH.

    I think he may be being selfish (or more likely hurt by his mothers overt behaviours that border on psychological abuse), I think there is more going on here than meets the eye.

    Personally I love breasts small and large-I retrained myself off legs!
    GlindaofOz's Avatar
    GlindaofOz Posts: 2,334, Reputation: 354
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    #4

    Aug 26, 2007, 05:37 PM
    Have you laid all this out to him. Have you told him that you feel that he is disgusting by your breast size and as a result of this you now feel there is something wrong with you? What he is doing is mean spirited and it sounds as if its detrimental to yourself esteem. If someone really loves you they will never put you down because of the way your body looks.

    As Xrayman says I think he has some deeper problems at play here in regards to his mother. In my opinion your relationship will not be able to flourish until HIS problems are addressed. He needs to work those problems out and not bring them into his relationship because that's unfair to you; you are not his mother.

    There is nothing wrong with your body at all. Most women pay thousands and thousands of dollars to have your figure.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #5

    Aug 26, 2007, 07:04 PM
    Men like different things, some like small breasts, some like large, some like brown skin, some like white,

    You have to first be happy with who you are as they have said, and that will make you feel better about who you are and you don't need someone else to make you happy and feel better.

    I will note wear the proper size bra, you may have to have some made to order or mail order but don't wear a size too small just because it is what you find at the discount store.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #6

    Aug 27, 2007, 05:40 AM
    If he doesn't like you with what you have then its time to look elsewhere. Shedding a few pounds is one thing, don't even consider either a breast augmentation OR reduction based on what anyone else thinks.

    I don't know where you live but if you are in the USA have you tried Victoria's Secret. They have nice stuff up through D cups and you can do mail order if there are no stores local to you. My wife wears almost nothing but lingerie from Victoria's secret.. More than they have for A cups even.

    Personally I like big boobs, little boobs, and every size in between. For me shape is everything and not volume. Wife is A cup and she wishes she was a C, and ogles over large breasts. She is a tiny thing under 5 foot and under 100 lbs. But very proportional even with A cups. I'm happy with how she is even if she has the smallest breasts of anyone I ever dated. And I have dated women up to Double D.
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten
     
    #7

    Aug 27, 2007, 05:56 AM
    Hi 'bubble'

    There is nothing wrong with you at all, except for the fact that you are wasting your time on this young man who obviously has problems and needs to get help.

    Wanting the lights out because his eyes hurt is literally stupid. He either does not want to see it as a natural and beautiful thing between lovers or is fantasizing something else. In either case, he's just thinking about himself.

    Get him to seek help, or leave him. You deserve someone who is proud and happy to be where he is (in bed or out).

    Don't let anyone dump their baggage on you.
    snotbubble's Avatar
    snotbubble Posts: 70, Reputation: 3
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    #8

    Aug 27, 2007, 09:41 PM
    Ha ha, I knew people would reply fast with a title like that. I feel that I need to give my lover more credit. I feel like I'm the one with the problem- like I'm overly obsessed with it. What also bugs me is not knowing how he really fells. He says nice things about them but I know it's not how he feels, but it's really sweet for him to try. And he has lately touched them (like how you would massage someone's back) but he doesn't know how to pretend to like it. (I told him to pretend he was 14 again haha.) Also, I think I'm jealous (worst feeling in the world!) that he prefers his ex's size over mine. I have a real problem with ex's too- I bring his ex up way too much. I don't know how to put myself in a rational state of mind and just get over the fact that he might not like my boobs, or boobs in general... because I know he loves me.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #9

    Aug 27, 2007, 10:22 PM
    If this guy does not like them and is not really into sex with you, why are you even still with him.
    If you are not feeling good about yourself, why are you with someone who reinforces your negative feeling?
    They (your boobs) are not going to go away and he is not the only boy in the world.
    It could be you two are just not compatible or you have put way too much stock in your bra size.
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #10

    Aug 27, 2007, 10:39 PM
    I guess I'm on your side and his at the same time.

    I like women with some curves. My partner is long and lean, but still has curves. Show me a beautiful woman with little curves and a woman who isn't as beautiful with curves and ill probably go after the second woman. Its just how I'm wired.

    Can I knock him cause he likes women with a smaller size? no. absolutely not. Can I knock him cause he's letting it get in the way of the relationship? Yep. Sure. Yes.

    I have a friend I've known since HS. When she was younger she b!tched about not being curvy. Then when older, and pushing a 38D, she b!tched about being too big. Her hair was too curly, too long, blah blah blah. I think women are their own worst critics.

    So... I can't tell you his "fetishes" are "wrong"... but his approach to you is. If he chooses to be with you he should be committed to your happiness as well.

    I've dated women who ranged in size from 34B to 38D. There are certain body types I might prefer, but you'd better believe I did my best to make each woman feel wanted and desirable.

    Can't tell you whether to dump him over this. That's your call. But he sounds like he's just not as interested in your happiness as he is in his little bubble of an "ideal" fantasy.
    snotbubble's Avatar
    snotbubble Posts: 70, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #11

    Aug 27, 2007, 11:01 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by GlindaofOz
    Have you laid all this out to him. Have you told him that you feel that he is disgusting by your breast size and as a result of this you now feel there is something wrong with you? What he is doing is mean spirited and it sounds as if its detrimental to your self esteem. If someone really loves you they will never put you down because of the way your body looks.

    As Xrayman says I think he has some deeper problems at play here in regards to his mother. In my opinion your relationship will not be able to flourish until HIS problems are addressed. He needs to work those problems out and not bring them into his relationship because thats unfair to you; you are not his mother.

    There is nothing wrong with your body at all. Most women pay thousands and thousands of dollars to have your figure.
    Oah, I have told him about it, trust me-he's tired of me complaining about it. He isn't doing anything negative against me on purpose, so I can't hold it against him. I do think there may be deeper problems, also.

    There are other horrible sexual things he went through when he was younger. We have addressed the problem, but it's a very touchy subject. I don't like bringing up his past because he doesn't like to talk about it and I feel that I'm not in the place to pretend I understand.
    snotbubble's Avatar
    snotbubble Posts: 70, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #12

    Aug 27, 2007, 11:07 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck
    Men like different things, some like small breasts, some like large, some like brown skin, some like white,

    You have to first be happy with who you are as they have said, and that will make you feel better about who you are and you don't need someone else to make you happy and feel better.

    I will note wear the proper size bra, you may have to have some made to order or mail order but don't wear a size too small just because it is what you find at the discount store.

    I agree with the top half. And I'm sorry but it's hilarious to see a man give bra advice. A cup size smaller with a bigger band length fits fine. Boobs don't fit perfectly into A B C D cups. And they sell A-DD at every store that has women's underwear. It's just that anything past a 38c resembles a bullet proof vest.
    rkim291968's Avatar
    rkim291968 Posts: 261, Reputation: 34
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    #13

    Aug 28, 2007, 12:35 AM
    Gee, sounds to me that you have what many men desires in women. Don't get discouraged by what your BF says. He may be the odd one and not you.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #14

    Aug 28, 2007, 05:05 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by snotbubble
    I agree with the top half. and I'm sorry but it's hilarious to see a man give bra advice. a cup size smaller with a bigger band length fits fine. boobs don't fit perfectly into A B C D cups. and they sell A-DD at every store that has women's underwear. it's just that anything past a 38c resembles a bullet proof vest.
    You should see me at Victorias secret with my wife. I can judge a woman's bra size better than the women that work there. And have done it. Woman comes in not knowing here bra size... don't ask, I don't know how she didn't know either, but the sales woman gave her a size to try (not the right one)... I then told her I bet she's a 34B before the woman came out to say it was not the right size, later she asked me how I did that when it turned out My guess was right, did it a few times and nailed it every time.
    danielnoahsmommy's Avatar
    danielnoahsmommy Posts: 2,506, Reputation: 297
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    #15

    Aug 28, 2007, 05:14 AM
    Love yourself forget him. If he cannot love all of you is he worth it. He is making you doubt yourself. Give me a break find a guy who can love you for you and not everything but your boobs.
    GlindaofOz's Avatar
    GlindaofOz Posts: 2,334, Reputation: 354
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    #16

    Aug 28, 2007, 05:35 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by snotbubble
    we have addressed the problem, .

    Really? Then why are you asking for advice on this problem? You realize that his problem with your curvy figure stems from his mother don't you? If this problem was addressed you would not be having these problems in your relationship. He needs help from a mental health professional. If you are saying there was sexual abuse of some sort he cannot sort that out on his own or with just you.
    Dennis777's Avatar
    Dennis777 Posts: 478, Reputation: 124
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    #17

    Aug 28, 2007, 07:06 AM
    Hello.

    We all like different things, that's what makes us all special. If he likes small boobs than he has a problem being with you. If he loves you then he will get over his problem and in time start enjoying your ample size.

    Now the more important problem, YOU... You have to start seeing yourself as the special lady you are and stop thinking about his ex. She is an ex for a reason RIGHT. He is with you RIGHT. So stop hurting yourself and him by thinking and talking about his ex.

    From now on every time you think about his Ex. You need stop and spend that time thinking about something that you can do to make him happy or he can do to make you happy.

    Dennis777
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #18

    Aug 28, 2007, 08:22 AM
    Sounds to me like like you are really in to a guy that has problems and you don't care enough about yourself to say "this is not working" and get out of the relationship. So you take the hurt and abuse and complain.
    As I see it, you have two choices, deal with him and shut up about it, or just leave.
    You sound relatively young, you two are not married, why are you even dealing with this?
    kitty-kat19's Avatar
    kitty-kat19 Posts: 52, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #19

    Aug 28, 2007, 03:48 PM
    I know how you feel (to an extent)... im a 34DD... and it SUX... up until very recently it felt like an inconvience... because they're always in the way... all the comments about having getting a boob job... yada yada yada... extremly uncomfortable all around... but I've never had to deal with a boy not liking that... (only because all my ex's have always been really close to me before dating so the physical aspect wasn't a big deal) but here's my opinion... and a few facts you might like to hear...
    .1. did you know that the perfect woman's messurements are suppose to be a 39, 29, 39? Coke bottle figure...
    2. regardless of what one guy thinks I bet there are a lot of others out there that think you're beautiful
    3. I don't know what you're bf's problem is but I can say this much... you seem to deserve better... part of being in a good relationship is being complely comfortable with someone... that includes the way they look with and without their clothes on... does he honestly know how you feel? I mean not when you're getting agry at him for snide comments but have you ever sat down and told him how much it bothers/hurtrs you... that in a way you feel like he's wanting you to be more like his ex... or comparing you to his ex (im guessing that might be why it bothers you so much... is you feel like he compares you to his ex... in a negative way?)... try that... into fights with my boyfriend about the stupidest stuff because he makes comments and they hurt but I act angry... hope some of what I said helps...
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #20

    Aug 29, 2007, 04:53 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by kitty-kat19
    i know how you feel (to an extent)...im a 34DD...and it SUX...up until very recently it felt like an inconvience ....because they're always in the way...all the comments about having getting a boob job...yada yada yada...extremly uncomfortable all around...but i've never had to deal with a boy not liking that...(only because all my ex's have always been really close to me before dating so the physical aspect wasnt a big deal) but heres my opinion...and a few facts you might like to hear...
    My wife says she'll trade you for yours... :D She's a 32 A.

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