I have been with my boyfriend for over four years. I was with someone else when I met him, I cheated on my ex. I have also cheated on my boyfriend 2 years ago, so he has a reason to not trust me anymore. I have been good the last 2 years we have been back together, and we are now expecting our second child this year. He was married before for 9 years and spent the entire time cheating on his ex. There have been times I have suspected him cheating one me, but I haven't caught him doing anything yet, and he denies to ever have done anything with anyone since he's been with me. We have two totally separate lives. I work during the day and he works at night. He will come home just as I am about to get up for work. I get home and he's already at work. We live in hotel room, so it is cramped and gets very irritating for us to be in there together. Here's my dilemma. Lately I have been feeling like something is going on. Maybe because I am pregnant, but here are some things that have been happening that led me to thinking this. He works in a warehouse so he comes home real dirty. I can understand wanting to take a shower before going to bed. But he only started doing this a few months ago. He takes another shower before going to work. He is by himself when I leave, so I tend to think he has someone over while I am at work once he wakes up. When I try to call him on my lunch breaks he never answers. When I ask him about it, he says that he had his phone on silence. The times that he does manage to answer he sounds distracted or like he is hiding something. Every night he stays outside his work with a group of buddies and they drink... every night. Sometimes they will go to a bar. My guy told me a long time ago that if he is drunk in a bar, he becomes vulnerable, so he is tempted to do anything. That's another worry of mine. Something else that bugs me is this, and its happened twice already. I have woken up in the early morning, between 3 and 5 and peeked outside and have found his truck sitting out in the parking lot without him in it. The first time this happened, I sent him a tx message asking him why his truck was there and he wasn't. Two seconds later he came from around the corner. He said he was smoking a cigarette and wanted to walk around. Funny, because he didn't smell like he just smoked one. The second time this happened, it was raining. Thinking about the first time this happened, I went around the corner he came from to the front side of the hotel building and then I sent a text message asking where he was. No answer. So I tried calling him. No answer. I must have called and sent more tx messages about fifty times. Still no answer. So I stood where I could see him coming from any direction if he was going to come out of another room. After and hour and a half, he came out from behind the backside of the building. As he was walking towards me, he kept putting his head down. Now, it was raining a little bit, not hard, just a little harder than a drizzle. He asked me why I was standing outside so I told him I was waiting for him and asked him why he didn't answer any of my calls. He said his phone was on silent... again. He said they were at IHOP which was just up the road, about a minute drive. He had a friend drop him off like 50 feet from the building, so he says. My question is why drop your truck off at home to go a minute down the road then have someone else drop you off when they live farther away than you do? He could've easily have been in a room around the corner where he came out of. I just never believe him entirely. Before I came up here with him( I was in a different city, he got a job transfer) I heard from his best friend that he had met some redhead at the bar he goes to. My guy tells me that she just gave him a ride home. When I brought this up to my guy, he got mad at his friend for telling me anything. He said that he didn't do anything with her and that his friend was lying about her to get in my pants. I also found out that he spent the night at a girls house while I was in an academy. He stayed there twice and said nothing happened. He later told me that he lied to his best friend about sleeping with the redhead. That didn't make any sense to me... first he says his friend lied about it, then he said HE lied about it? And I've noticed that when he's confronted about stuff he laughs. What do you think? Is he cheating? Or am I being paranoid? :eek:

So you've met my ex huh? Funny, charming, brilliant liar and the best excuse maker I ever met. You could sit around like I did and wait for truth and honesty to come and introduce herself to you. Rub it in your face a bit and say "Hi just wanted you to know how bad I feel that you are pregnant and he is cheating on you and that I was sleeping with him until he started cheating on me".

You don't trust him because he isn't giving you any reasons TO trust him. I don't usually recommend that everybody just give up and break up especially with kids involved. But if he can't give you all the reasons in the world to show you he is where he says he is, doing what he says he is doing (or not doing) and working hard to comfort and prove you are his #1 and has no intentions of doing that then all I can say... is all red flags. Sorry. Been there, done that, had to get out. You should too. :(

p.s. If you do get out... get a lawyer, go to court establish your rights with the kids. If you don't you'll be very sorry. Save yourself a lot of trouble in the future and having to come back here postings questions about what to do now that you have split and your ex is trying to take the kids.

He already has custody of our daughter and he wants custody of the baby. I have that posted in Family Law. I don't know why he wants me around.

Hmmm, Hmmm. Well I read your other posts. What state do you live in?

You may have given him custody of your daughter previously... well, many people misunderstand the terms and meanings of custody in the first place. Can you explain the details of your current court order exactly? That would help. It would be most helpful if you just write it here exactly as it is written in the court order.

We live in Texas. He has custody because I gave it to him. He filed for temporary custody until I went with him to sign papers. I am the non-custodial parent. If we were to ever separate, I would only see her every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends of the month, summer, certain holidays in certain years, I don't remember which years are mine, but I do remember reading all of this in my packet. I know where the packet is, I just don't remember exactly what it said. He does have custody of her though. I am not giving him custody of our baby, and I will fight for both of them. I know that unless he can prove I am unfit, I won't have a problem getting custody... I hope.

Well you should have a great change of circumstance case. The fact that he has "custody" and wants to try to obtain custody of the new baby will be hard for him to explain in court being that he has decided to live with you, leave your daughter to your care whenever he isn't around and chose to have an additional child with you after he "got" custody of your first. Your whole situation in itself is a change of circumstance and the fact that you have been the primary caregiver for your daughter could warrant a change of the original order and continue custody of your son with you. I would stop listening to friends and family really and get the advice of a lawyer at this point you should stand some pretty good chances at prevailing in reversing the current order and getting primary physical custody of your new baby.

At this point given your current circumstance (living situation) he doesn't have really good grounds (legally) for retaining full custody.
p.s. If you can't afford one just yet, you should at least be able to get some advice about the possibilities of your case from a free consult. A lot of lawyers will give free consults over the phone.

Just to clarify terms and meanings...

The parent who maintains primary custody of the child is generally known as the “custodial parent,” and the other parent is generally known as the “non-custodial parent.” Many courts distinguish between legal custody and residential custody or physical custody. Legal custody refers to the right to custody in general, including the right to participate in significant decision-making relating to the child. Where parties have joint legal custody, they are required to communicate and participate jointly in making decisions about how to raise their children, regardless of where their children spend most of their time. A parent with sole legal custody would normally make decisions on his or her own. A parent with joint legal custody would, however, be required to communicate and consult with the other parent on such important issues as medical treatment for the child, private school education, overseas travel, and the like.

Residential custody or physical custody usually refers to where the child sleeps most nights. For example, if a child lives primarily at his mother’s home, but visits his father on alternating weekends, the mother will be said to have physical custody and she will generally be regarded as the custodial parent, even if the father has liberal visitation rights and even if the parties have joint legal custody.

These terms vary from state to state, and they may not apply universally.

The non-custodial parent is generally entitled to visitation time with the children, sometimes referred to as parenting time, can be termed joint physical or shared custody, partial custody, or joint parental responsibility.

Wow, thanks for all the info. I would like to get a lawyer's opinion on the custody info. I refuse to take any action while I am still pregnant, as far as leaving. I don't want to put any stress on me, having had miscarriages before, I am not losing this baby. So, after he is born, I will go and file immediate custody, no matter what he says. Thanks for seeing my side of it. I have gotten some negative responses from certain people, who are obviously not a mother!

Not a problem. I have been in and out of court more than a few times regarding custody. So I've learned a lot more than I really wanted to. Mine of course is in California but I don't believe the laws vary a great deal between our two specific states. If you can't afford a lawyer I think I can give you some info on how to try it on your own if you must. So let me know.

p.s. I have your email so you can go back into your previous post and take it off so you don't get a bunch of unwanted emails! :)

Here is a site from a Texas lawyer with some information on your states specific custody process. Texas Child Custody Law, Houston Family Law Attorney | Child Custody Lawyer, Custody Modifications | Harris County, Galveston, Clear Lake

Thanks again. I need all the help I can get, if you don't mind! And surprisingly, my email didn't show up on that post... I will keep you posted on anything that goes on, I get quick responses on this site!:D

I sent you an email to your personal account so feel free to keep me posted. And I sure don't mind. :)

Past post aside, I find it amusing when a cheater has a cheating partner and wonders if he is cheating, since he was cheating when you got together and you both have cheated since. Poetic justice. I can only hope you can ignore him and his actions long enough to have a healthy baby. That's what's important.