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marybeth02 · May 8, 2007, 09:47 AM

My husband and I live in MO. We are married and have three children(two together, one I had in highschool). My husband is the sole provider for our children. He also, has a four year old son that he does not see. The child's mother does not allow us to see him. My husband pays quite a bit in child support, which was ordered when his ex was going to school. She now has a nursing degree and is making a very good living. We have requested that DFS reajust the amount(It has been the mandatory 36 months) we have not heard from them at all. We can not afford a lawyer to force visitation. Plus, she is a very vindictive person and she will bring up all kinds of horrible things in court if we go. The point is that my husband wants to just give up his rights and let her and her boyfriend raise him. BEcause we won't be able to afford to see him for a long while. What do we do to sign over those rights and do we need to contact her first. How do we go about this? Thank you.

LadyB · May 8, 2007, 10:06 AM

He can't just relinquish rights to get out of child support, no state allows that. Only of she asked for his rights to be terminated, to allow her spouse to adopt the child for example, could he do so. The best you can do is get a reevaluation due to change of financial circumstances of the child's mother to get his payements adjusted, and try to come up with a visitation agreement or have the old one enforced.

Fr_Chuck · May 8, 2007, 11:58 AM

First signing over any rights has nothing to do with child support at all, it seems he already gave up his rights by not fighting for the right to see his child. But rights is just that, right to see the child, right to visit the child and so on. If her new husband wants to adopt, then they can adopt and you can get out of paying child support.

But I am sorry making excuses for the ex being mean does not change anything it merely means you don't want to fight that hard for the child.

But as long as the ex wants to collect child support there is nothing he can do but pay.

If you can not afford an attorney check out legal aid societies, she can be fined and held in contempt of court for each time she refuses visitation so you need to hold her to it.

ScottGem · May 8, 2007, 12:06 PM

You didn't read the many threads here on this issue, did you? I really don't understand how you can think you can just say I give up this child and think that's all there is to it.

As you have been told, parental rights and parental responsbility are different issues. If you want the child support modified, you have to petition the court to have that done. If you want to force better visitation, that's also a family court matter.

Instead of abandoning this child, fight for him. But don't think you can just sign a paper and be done with him. Ain't going to happen.

Fr_Chuck · May 8, 2007, 12:16 PM

Yes, there would not be 1000 dead beat dads sitting in jail right now, if they could just sign a paper and get out of paying child support.