I have been with my boyfriend for over ten years now and I really love him. The prolem is he wants me to gain a major amount of wieght. He wants me to be 180lbs and I'm only 5"3'. i really dont want to its a really crappy situation because i have the pressure from the media to be thin and from my boyfriend to be fat. i just feel ugly all together. i wish i could just be whatever i want and have someone just love me. my boyfriend makes me eat till i almost vomit and i hate him inside for it. i would and could never do it but i sometimes think of stabbing him in the neck. he tells me that im to skinny all the time and that other girls are so hot. im not overly skinny either, he just has a strong prefence. its making me misrable. i find myself lying about what i eat to make it sound like more so i dont get scolded or guilt tripped. i can't order the food l i like beuase he will complain that it "doesn't have enough calories." i have tried talking to him about it over and over. he just makes me feel as if im being vian and stupid, he says "I know best". Imi just being selfish or super vain. I don't know if I should feel guity or angry. I know I feel a whole spectrum of exstream feelings. Sometimes I think I should just give up. Advice or someone to talk to would be very apperciated.
Thank you for your time.

You want an honest opinion? Do not listen to your boyfriend on this. Listen to your doctor. Why does your boyfriend want you gain weight? Does he feel you will be less attractive to others and therefore be more dependent on him? Is he looking for control?

If he has this strong preference for full figured women, then tell him to go find one. That you are comfortable with how you look, that you are healthy and happy and gaining that weight is not healthy for your body.

If you need some strong back up for that argument, please go and talk to your doctor. Your doctor will spell it out for you. Then you can spell it out for your boyfriend. But seriously, if he is making you binge eat like that, run from him and stay away from that guy. He has some serious issues and you should not have to bear the brunt of all his problems.

Good luck with this. Seriously consider ending the relationship, please. He wants to control your food now, what comes next?

Oh Please!
He's making you "feel ugly". Your boyfriend "makes me eat". And he's making you lie? This is ridiculous and it's time you stopped listening to someone trying to impose his absolute will upon you. Anyone who makes another feel "stupid" and gives them feelings of guilt is Not worth being with.
He "knows best"?? You know better, don't you!

5'3 and 180, is that healthy?? Did you ever have an eating disorder? If so, then I can see him concern. If not, then he is being totally controlling!

For someone your height, 180 is not healthy. You would be classified as Obese under the BMI index.
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Let your boyfriend know that this is NOT healthy for you and that he is being controlling. Don't go through with this- one can put on weight quite easily but getting it off is quite a different story.

This is outrageous...

You do know what's best for you and that is NOT to weigh 180lbs!

He has one serious problem and he is getting it out all on you, this is unacceptable.

So diff guys like diff things. My cousins wife says he likes "fat girls", her words. Now... she's not really fat, but she's not skinny. She's chesty and she has a little weight on her that's "excess" maybe, and he generally likes girls like this. OK. That's fine.

We all have certain preferences.

BUT... I don't care how good this guy is to you otherwise. I don't care if he rocks your world in bed. I don't care if he has the cash to bankroll endless fun. And I don't care if he's nice to you and your mother thinks he's great.

He's an a$$.

Really... its one thing to tell a mate if you like something a little more than not. My wife and I have talked about what we like about each others bodies, and that includes the things we like less. Open communication about what you like and want IS healthy.

But his approach is not. Please, please, please don't do this to your body. I don't hold as tight to the BMI scales because I think they can be off depending on your frame. In college I was considered "overweight" based on height to weight when I had 7% body fat and was really active athletically. But, I do agree with the BMI in this case... its hard to see how you can carry that weight on your frame and not be overweight.

This isn't just about his preferences. Its about your health. Its about you choosing whether to run the risk of higher blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, etc...

And what if you do this. What if he dumps you? You have rearranged yourself physically and screwed yourself up mentally for a jerk. Its just not a way to be.

Its understandable that you want to please a partner. Its normal to want to compromise. And its fine that you want to be attractive to him. To a point.

He is really being selfish and he's asking you to put yourself in physical danger of health problems... and he's already put you in emotional distress.

He is not making healthy choices for you. I hope you are willing to stand up for yourself, even if that means walking away. I know 10 years is a long time and a long investment. He should have more respect for you than this.

Just because you've been with him this long does not mean he is making good choices for you. If nothing else, keep yourself healthy. If he doesn't see that as a turn on and as beneficial to your relationship, he's not right in the head, and not right for you.

THat sounds like he is trying to control you by making you so fat nobody will look at you. Besides there are a LOT of medical problems being morbidly overweight (and 180 at 5'3" IS this) causes diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, and a whole long list.

Most people would give their right arm to be a recommended weight... and he wants you to risk your health to become a fat slob just to sooth his insecurities.

What can I say but DON'T DO IT!

I have to agree with everything everyone says here especially KP. I would like to add that gaining that amount of weight for your frame puts you at added risk for: Diabetes, high blood pressure, artherosclerosis, heart attack, stroke, and even death. Is this what you want?

No, if he wants a fat girl tell him to go find one and make sure that she has adequate health insurance, because the costs of obesity can be insurmountable.

I forgot all about it. Maybe that is one reason we went to dinner and a movie last night!! ;-)

Just tell him NO, tell him to go to >... and tell him that

You are who you are, but if he can't love you for you, you need to let him go, no person has the right to force or control any other person.

SIMPLE ****ING ANSWER: Leave him if you don't like what he's doing to you. Don't stick around just leave and if you can't then sucks to be you.
5'3" and 180 is not obese. BTW The media is a stupid lying pieces of **** and so are most doctors.
Advice for Original Poster: First off learn to type or at lest be literate when typing, Stop trying to fit into the 19 percentile of women, and lastly BMI is mostly incorrect if you really want to be sure about your health as far as being obese use BAI it works better. If you have no clue what it is look it up.

Four year old thread CLOSED!