I'm a 47 year old mother whose daughter is so ungrateful ,I work hard and put my daughter through college single -handly ,she graduated after 4 years and is now a registered nurse making her own money ,very good money , I'm in debt because I made sure she had what she needed to succeed in school, I've even put a down payment on a new car for her to go back and forward to work ,she hasn't paid me back for that yet ,which was suppose to be a loan,I don't ask her for anything ,just that she paid whom she owes,but to no avail.
My daughter has this nasty attitude ,I can't even ask her anything without a negative response,I have an 18 hear old son getting ready to go to college ,he is so the opposite of her ,he doesn't ask for anything ,and is happy for whatever I give him ,he will do whatever you ask him to do ,he tries to be close to his sister ,but she won't even spend time with him,or offer to help with college financially or otherwise.no matter how hard I try to make things better between us she takes an attitude,on her off days she just sit around not talking to anyone in the house, but the minute her friends call or when she's around other people she is totally a different person.I want to have a relationship with my daughter but she just won't change.I went today and told her if she's that unhappy living here she should move out.because I'm really tired ,and I feel like all my hard work to help her has been in vane.What can I do.

How long ago did you put the down payment on the car? Is she making the payments? Did you co sign? Stick to her moving out. Tell her something like she has 3 months to move or else start paying you back.

If the nasty attitude is a recent change in her behavior, you always have to consider drugs and or alcohol, no matter how unlikely you think that might be. If she makes a good salary, what is she spending it on? Sorry, to bring it up but I ignored those kinds of possibilities in my work life and personal experiences. It happened too many times and caught me by surprise. Unexpected, unexplained behavior and attitudes I guessed at the causes, trying to get employees back on track, only to find out that my efforts were totally wasted when the real reasons revealed themselves. I never suspected substance abuse but I learned too late that in this day and age, it is one of the first possibilities to be ruled out.

I'd give her her walking papers with a deadline. Sometimes tough love is all that's left.

I also would stop comparing her to her brother.