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amandak42 · Sep 12, 2012, 03:48 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. It's a long distance relationship, and yes I completely trust him. He is managing his businesses right now and fixing the rental homes, and he is stressed. We have only been seeing each other once a month since May because of his busy schedule. I have felt the urge to be on the phone with him constantly because I miss him for a few months now. I guess it's driving him insane. But I don't know what's gotten into me.

But if he doesn't answer I'll call again and again. He's been starting to say hateful words to me like call me a dumb and he tells me he has given up on being romantic with me. He's a very stubborn man might I add. But last night he said that I need to back off some and let him miss me. That we're still together and that he loves me.

So I asked does this mean you don't want me to call? He said I could call, but maybe make it short and simple, like "I love you and bye".
I just don't understand. And should I call? Because how would he miss me if I do call? I'm just hurt and would like to hear opinions.

Wondergirl · Sep 12, 2012, 03:52 PM

Please stop the flood of calls. It makes you look insecure. If you truly trust him, call him maybe once a day, maybe in the evening to say goodnight.

joypulv · Sep 12, 2012, 04:15 PM

Maybe a lot of it is in what you say. Some people call and call and act like the other person never heard or will hear the previous calls. And they say things like 'did you get my last 4,321 calls' and that is indeed dumb.
Save up your little stories from the day, pick ONE that is funny or interesting, and tell that to his voice mail or better yet, his email. Think of it as a short story exercise. Keep it short, give it a good punch line, and think of a cute way to say goodnight.
Yes, you will drive him away if you can't curb your obsession.

Alty · Sep 12, 2012, 04:43 PM

How often do you call him? Once a day? Once an hour? More?

It sounds like you're calling all the time, and he's busy with his work and getting sick of being smothered.

I've been married for 17 years, with my husband for 22 years. If he called me more than once a day, it would drive me nuts, and I see him every single day!

It sounds like you're calling him a lot, and he really needs a breather. You're being too needy. Back of a bit, give him a chance to catch his breath, do what he needs to do, which is work. Get on with your own life, concentrate on what you're doing. Being your own person, and not relying on someone else to make you happy, is very appealing.

amandak42 · Sep 13, 2012, 06:43 AM

Yes, sometimes I go over and sometimes I don't. But when he calls me, do I jump to the phone or let it go to voicemail? And if I let it go to voicemail, do I call back or wait for him to call again. Because he complains if I call and he complains if I don't call. And if I miss his call and call him back, most likely he won't answer.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 13, 2012, 07:03 AM

I would not call him at all. There was no reason for him to be so nasty. There is a nicer way to talk to a person.
If he wants to talk to you let him call you.
In the neantime, I would go on with my life and not put any hope in him.