I'm 14. My brother is 16.

My brother used to beat me up, like all older brothers do. A few months back he would punch me in the vagina and say "balls" just as a joke. Then he started accusing me of hairy nipples. Whenever I would say I didn't, he'd say "You can't prove it," to try to get me to show him my breasts. He kept it jokingly, because whenever I asked what made him think that he'd say something idiotic like "The hairs speak to me," or something. He also poked my boobs occasionally. I didn't think much of that.

A few months later (probably about 2 or 3 months ago) we started living with our aunt while our house was getting redone. Everything was jolly and normal. But then one night things got weird. I don't remember the specifics, but I think we were getting along normally and he laid down in his bed and I laid down next to him (as a joke; he never let me anywhere near him since I was a child, like for hugs and such). I had expected for him to push me off or something like that, but in the end his hand was on my breast under the bra. It lasted a few seconds, but then I heard a sound and got out of his bed. I feel stupid now for not doing anything else to stop him.

I only just forgave him a week or two ago for that. Then a few days ago we leave for a vacation. First day of vacation we're on a beach in the ocean. We're talking normal and everything. I forgot how we got on the topic but I revealed to him that I had kissed a girl once (as an experiment; I like boys). He asked who, and I said I'd tell him if he told me who he'd kissed, since he keeps all his relationships secret to the point where my dad thinks he's gay. We both held up our ends of the bargain, him answering first. Then he started getting very intrusive. He asked things like "She went south on you, didn't she?" or "She went south on you, right?" I told him no, but no matter how many times I denied it, he insisted. Then he said "You only go south on yourself then?" I snapped at him, saying none of the questions he asked were any of his business. He said "That's a yes then?" I now realize that was his game--he continually accuses you of things until you reveal whatever it is he asks.

He spent the rest of the day asking questions like "Does wearing a thong turn you on?" "Does it feel better for it to go in or just to rub?" etc. After a while, I just started answering because I figured he'd lose interest soon enough and it would all be over and done with. In retrospect, I should have gotten out of the water and just gone back to the hotel room. I told him that I hated him for touching me last time up until a few weeks ago, and he said "You didn't have any problem with it at the time," and "I planned on going south.."

Now I hate him. I can't stand being around him. He disgusts me. I can't tell my parents, no matter what. The only person who knows is my cousin. She is very sympathetic and kind, but in the end she can't really help other than listening. There's still several days left in the vacation, and we share a room. He is in the room as I am typing this, but he doesn't know what I'm doing. I think he's sleeping. I hope he feels bad for what he did, too, and I don't even feel bad for saying that. Today I told him to leave me alone when he tried talking to me, even just in normal conversation. I've made it very clear that I'm angry with him. I flat out told him that I'm mad at him and I want him to leave me alone, and he says "for now."

I can't help but feel extremely violated and sad all the time, and I feel like I'm never able to get away from him. It's literally on my mind all day, and I can't escape it. I try to be happy in front of my parents, considering they did so much to bring the vacation together and the last thing I want to do is ruin it, especially with a matter like this. I just wish he'd stop trying to talk to me and stop bothering me. One second he does something vulgar, then for a while he tries going back to being a normal big brother. I don't work like that. If he tries anything dirty with me anymore, I will hit him. If he says anything dirty anymore, I will escape his presence.

But I can't forget it, even for a second, no matter how hard I try. Sorry this thing was so long, I really just needed to get it out and tell somebody. If anyone has any advice or tips, I'd appreciate it greatly. But nothing involving telling my parents--not now, and not ever. As it is, I'm doing a three-strike thing. He has two already, if I disregard the very first attempt, which I'm not even sure should be qualified as an attempt. I told my cousin that if anything else happens she has my permission to force me to tell my parents or to tell them herself. She agreed, but didn't consider that she only finds these things out via me, and I could just choose not to tell her and she'll never know, despite the fact that it might make me crazy. So, like I said, if anyone has any advice, I'd really appreciate that. Thank you.

So why do you continue to have "sexual leading talks with him"? Why have you not told your parents ?

Do you realize that you are protecting him by not saying anything to your parents? How do you think he behaves or will behave with girls in his life? Do you think he is Mr. Respectability? I'm thinking he isn't. He desperately needs help now while he is young so he doesn't end up in jail someday..

I don't continue to have talks with him. He attempts to talk to me like a normal older brother and pretend everything is fine when it's not. I thought things had changed after he touched me, and the only reason I talked to him about sex and whatnot the other day was because he manipulated me, and at that very moment I didn't really think much of it. But now I know his game and how he is and I lost all my trust in him.

I can't tell my parents. We're on vacation now, and I can't ruin the vacation or I'd feel selfish. And I don't know what to do or what to say, and I feel like I did something wrong by answering his questions and I don't want to have to relay the conversation to my parents. Telling my parents is just out of the question. I can't now and I can't ever.

That's why I'm doing the three-strike thing. He's not a bad person. He gets high marks in school and up until a few months ago I thought he had a good head on his shoulders. Now I'm hoping its just a puberty-induced or experimental-type thing and that one day when we're thirty and he and I have families of our own that I won't even remember any of this ever happened. He has been a completely normal older brother towards me up until these incidents.

I hope you don't close your eyes to his behavior and let him get away with this. What happens after the third strike?

I hope I don't either, but I honestly don't know whether I will or won't. After the third strike I'll possibly probably tell my mom. Depends on the offense.

I hope you don't continue to protect him and let him go out into the world like this. He sounds like the beginning of a controlling abuser.

Like I said, I honestly have no clue what to do anymore. In the beginning of the year we had to write a story in school about the person who meant the most to you, or something to that effect. I wrote about him. Now, he is scum to me. But he's scum to me and me only, apparently. I can't tell my parents, yet at the same time I find it infuriating that they keep making me be near him. When we get back home hopefully I won't have to deal with him as much and maybe I'll be able to get some peace and rest. Its given me nightmares, to be completely honest. And I can't trust anyone anymore, particularly older men (i.e. teachers and even family members). I think that started when he first started with the punching and accusations, the very first thing I mentioned. Thank you very much for listening and for your help. I kind of feel like I did something wrong by not immediately pushing him away when he first touched me and not immediately evacuating the area when he first got vulgar. That is another reason why I haven't said anything to my parents.

So you will allow him to go out into the world unleashed.

Like I said, he's never done anything out of line up until this year. The way you say that makes it seem like its my fault that he touched me, and that its my job to tell my mother that her son is molesting his sister. It's not my responsibility to "save the world" by ruining my brother's life and my own family life.

Actually, now that I recall, I think I began mistrusting men when I encountered a pervert (my own age) that seemed normal at first, but then began asking similar questions to my brother, and requesting that I sexted him. I told him to leave me alone. Coincidentally, that night my mother said that if anyone ever said anything in a vulgar way that upset me, I should let her know. I broke down and cried and told her what had happened, and she said to avoid him. I had no more problems with him after I told him to leave me alone.

Yes, it is.
You can help him now. If you let this go, who knows what will happen with him and the women in his life (and what your family will have to bear). If he gets away with this with you (and he has so far), and tries it on girls he knows (and you won't know about that until it is reported), I fear for him and for your family.

I don't know you, but I'll make a promise to you. If he tries anything again, I WILL tell my mother. No sooner, no later. Deal?

Now, back to the real reason I posted this, and the real reason I need advice, how do I deal with him up until then, should the problem ever arise again?

Thank you very much for the help you've provided so far. I kind of needed reassurance that I didn't do anything wrong thus far and you've given me the confidence that I need that, if anything happens, I won't keep quiet anymore. Thank you.

Deal! And tears come to my eyes 'cause I'm so proud of you!
With him or with any male (or female?) who makes inappropriate comments or comments/gestures that make you uncomfortable, the best thing to do is set firm boundaries immediately. No joking or teasing or flirting or goofing around. Immediately say no. Don't apologize or explain or make any comments. Just a firm no. Then leave that person's presence. And report it to an authority.
You're welcome. I hope he stops, but I'm afraid he won't, so gird yourself for another onslaught and set an immediate boundary of NO. And please let me know what happens. I really do care.

By the way, I'm a professional counselor, so I have not been typing all this for fun.

Let me just start by saying this, if you do not tell your parents, this is NOT going to stop. And chances are, he's going to see how easy it is to get away with it and he's going to try doing this to other girls. When I was younger, about 5 or 6, I was molested by my uncle every time he would come around. I never told anyone until I was 17. It caused me to have mental and trust issues. You NEED to tell your parents or else it's going to get worse. It may not seem like it now, but once you get older (believe it or not) it's going to mess with your mind.

Your posts have touched me in a way that I cannot express to you.
First let me restate that NO you have done nothing wrong, I can totally see how taken aback you must have been that someone you looked up to would start up with things of this nature and how confusing it must be for you to try and make sense of it.
The fact is it doesn't make sense.
Your parents need to know this, maybe as you say not while on vacation, but they need to be made aware. Your brother needs help and having you talk to someone about your feelings about it would help you too.
Do just as WG says, stand your ground, NO means NO and the inappropriate conversations must stop as soon as they start, you will not tolerate it.
I see a brave young lady in your postings who can put her foot down when she needs to.
Do you mind if I ask, do you have other siblings?

Thank you very much :) No, its just me and my brother.

I appreciate finally having someone who can relate to me. I will be very strict with the three-strike rule. If it happens once more, that's it: I'm telling my mom. Thanks for your help :)

Thank you. The only problem is that he'll make jokes and I'll try not to laugh but I accidentally will and he considers that an improvement :c

I was hoping there was someone on here professional that I could talk to :) I'm glad it's you.

I understand what you mean by not being able to tell your parents. When you say that you're concerned that if you tell them, they will think wrong of you for keeping the inappropriate conversations going... I honestly do not think they will noticed since they would likely be so shocked at his behaviour. However, you cannot just keep this to yourself. You absolutely have to tell some older person you trust. Maybe a family member, school councillor, teacher, or neighbour? The worst thing you can do is keep this to yourself.

I also think the three strike system is stupid. He already crossed the line the first time he did anything, and he's not going to stop, so it's a matter of time. It's like he committed the third strike already since he has every intention to.