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mark adams · Jun 16, 2012, 08:33 AM

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 3 years in August and we've never had sex. I don't know if its me but as time has gone on I've started to think she doesn't find me sexually attractive.
I really don't know what to do, up until the 1st year I thought its because she was waiting to see if I'd stick around but I'm nearly 20 now and I really don't want to be a virgin anymore and its causing us to argue loads cause I'm very very very sexually frustrated.
Please please please help
Any advice would be much appreciated

ScottGem · Jun 16, 2012, 08:47 AM

I hear that you argue, but I don't hear that you discuss. Has she indicated why she doesn't want sex? Maybe she's waiting for a ring?

While sexual intimacy is an important part of a relationship you BOTH have to be ready for it. But lack of it is NOT a reason for ending a relationship ether.

mark adams · Jun 16, 2012, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I hear that you argue, but I don't hear that you discuss. Has she indicated why she doesn't want sex? Maybe she's waiting for a ring?

While sexual intimacy is an important part of a relationship you BOTH have to be ready for it. But lack of it is NOT a reason for ending a relationship ether.

She's definitely not waiting for a ring I know that for sure but whenever I try to talk about it she knocks it back and then gets annoyed and then I have to apologize so I really don't understand what to do. It's making me suspicious for no reason I know she's not cheating on me but she has loads of male friends but freaks out when I talk to a girl

ScottGem · Jun 16, 2012, 09:19 AM

Then you need to sit her down and tell her that you need to understand her reluctance. That this is too important an issue to you. You have respected her feelings, but you need to understand them.

And you need to keep entirely calm as you discuss it.

Danyreyes7 · Jul 19, 2012, 06:07 PM

I'm in a situation like yours! I have been dating my girlfriend for 4 years but we haven't had sex for 6 months now! I'm getting frustrated, I already talked to her about it and she said she just doesn't want to have sex.. I can other girls easily but I'm waiting for her to change! If she doesn't change I'm going to have to make a decision! Your case is worse because you haven't had sex since you started dating! Don't waste your time anymore! There's a lot of girls out there!

johannsson35 · Jul 19, 2012, 06:26 PM

I'm no expert, but maybe she's waiting!

rkd350z · Aug 17, 2012, 04:51 PM

Dude.. I have same problem. I've been going out w my girlfriend for 3years and we only have sex like 3 times past 3~4 months. Im frustrated also and my girlfriend says the same thing! "I just don't feel it today.." I mean.. now I feel like Im not sexually attractive to her and that got me thinking "do I have to feel like this? Like un-welcome, sexually unattractive..
Because I feel like I can go out and get some girls if I wanted to.

I've been faitful to my girlfriend and I am very loyal person. But this sexual frustration as well as my girlfriend turning me down every time I approach her, makes me feel like I have to make a decision, even I love her and enjoy hanging out w her.

I just feel like I could get treated better(sexually)... All this thoughts are from being sexually frustrated...
I feel you homie..

smoothy · Aug 17, 2012, 06:14 PM

Well, if you don't like it buy a magazine and get some tissues...

The difference between getting it from a girlfriend and a Prison cellmate is two letters... NO.

You can whine all you want... but if SHE doesn't want it... you aren't getting it.

I know you are too young to grasp a simple concept here... life doesn't revolve around getting laid. And I guarantee you that the fuss you are making about it she is all too aware of. Women do mature faster than men do. And they aren't half as gullible as you think they are... most of them anyway, this isn't high school any more.

Waterfalls09 · Aug 17, 2012, 11:37 PM

Turn her on, that might help your case. Know what excites her, and use it. Maybe she's waiting for a nice romantic gesture that leads up to passionate sex? There are many things women find romantic, don't just tell her you want to have sex & use her. Show her she is more than a piece of .

Synnen · Aug 18, 2012, 05:05 AM

Gah.

Most men think that women are turned on by visual or physical things.

MOST women are turned on by EMOTIONAL or MENTAL things. Doing the dishes = less tired + man doing something for her = sex.

It is also the work of about 24 hours, not 2 minutes. Doing the dishes alone isn't going to get you laid.

BUT--a guy that doesn't understand that he has to get into my head, turn on my brain and excite my emotions doesn't have a chance of getting me into bed anyway.

Cat1864 · Aug 18, 2012, 10:17 AM

mark adams (the op): A question that hadn't been asked, how old is your girlfriend? If you are 19 (nearly 20), Is she younger, the same age or older? Has she given you a reason for waiting? Have you listened to her or ignored her thoughts and needs to try to get your own met?

rkd, would you like advice for your situation which is very different than the op's needs? If so, please ask your own question or we can use your current post to begin a new thread rather piggy-back on mark adams thread.

Originally Posted by rkd350z

dude.. I have same problem. I've been going out w my gf for 3years and we only have sex like 3 times past 3~4 months. Im frustrated also and my gf says the same thing!! "I just don't feel it today.." I mean.. now I feel like Im not sexually attractive to her and that got me thinking "do I have to feel like this? like un-welcome, sexually unattractive..?
Because I feel like I can go out and get some girls if I wanted to.

I've been faitful to my gf and I am very loyal person. but this sexual frustration as well as my gf turning me down every time I approach her, makes me feel like I have to make a decision, even I love her and enjoy hanging out w her.

I just feel like I could get treated better(sexually)... All this thoughts are from being sexually frustrated...
I feel you homie..

Pinkharts9 · Sep 26, 2012, 02:41 PM

Are you joking? No sex is absolutely a reason for ending a relationship! Sex is a huge part of any loving, healthy coupling & I can't even imagine why he's still with this girl after THREE YEARS. Life is too short!

Pinkharts9 · Sep 26, 2012, 02:44 PM

Listen guys - I'm a 24 year old woman. I love sex. Sex is fantastic. It's healthy, normal & fun & a HUGE PART of any healthy relationship. Waiting 6 months for your girl to be ready is one thing but 3 years? 4 years? Your girlfriend does not want to have sex with you! Girls love sex & getting off just as much as guys so something is WRONG. Also, why do you feel you must suffer like this? There are plenty of girls who will have lots of passionate, amaznig, mind-blowing sex with you so dump these ice queens & move on with your lives!

CravenMorhead · Sep 26, 2012, 03:13 PM

Originally Posted by Pinkharts9

Listen guys - I'm a 24 year old woman. I love sex. Sex is fantastic. It's healthy, normal & fun & a HUGE PART of any healthy relationship. Waiting 6 months for your girl to be ready is one thing but 3 years?! 4 years?! Your girlfriend does not want to have sex with you! Girls love sex & getting off just as much as guys so something is WRONG. Also, why do you feel you must suffer like this? There are plenty of girls who will have lots of passionate, amaznig, mind-blowing sex with you so dump these ice queens & move on with your lives!

Congratulations, this works for you in America, or Canada, or a 'Western' country and your particular faith. There are far more people who believe a LOT differently than you. Just as you see them as narrow minded they see your views as narrow minded.

It is far more common for people to wait until they're married to have sex than it is to not. It is just more apparent because of where we live.

This might not be the case here, and there might be strong feelings in the relationship. That will cause a lot of people to stay past the best before date of the relationship.

Bad advice.

Synnen · Sep 26, 2012, 04:45 PM

Originally Posted by Pinkharts9

Listen guys - I'm a 24 year old woman. I love sex. Sex is fantastic. It's healthy, normal & fun & a HUGE PART of any healthy relationship. Waiting 6 months for your girl to be ready is one thing but 3 years?! 4 years?! Your girlfriend does not want to have sex with you! Girls love sex & getting off just as much as guys so something is WRONG. Also, why do you feel you must suffer like this? There are plenty of girls who will have lots of passionate, amaznig, mind-blowing sex with you so dump these ice queens & move on with your lives!

He started dating this girl when he was 16. It is very unlikely that she has had ANY sex partner, especially if she is younger. Are you telling teenagers to have sex just to have it?

And are you saying it's okay for guys to pressure teenage girls into sex so that they don't break up with them?

Sounds to me like you ARE.

That's pretty freaking irresponsible of you, regardless where you come from or your view on sex.

Enigma1999 · Sep 26, 2012, 08:33 PM

Originally Posted by Pinkharts9

Listen guys - I'm a 24 year old woman. I love sex. Sex is fantastic. It's healthy, normal & fun & a HUGE PART of any healthy relationship. Waiting 6 months for your girl to be ready is one thing but 3 years?! 4 years?! Your girlfriend does not want to have sex with you! Girls love sex & getting off just as much as guys so something is WRONG. Also, why do you feel you must suffer like this? There are plenty of girls who will have lots of passionate, amaznig, mind-blowing sex with you so dump these ice queens & move on with your lives!

Here is another situation where a person takes the time to create an account, posts really bad advice, then leaves and never returns.

And yes... this was really bad advice regardless of age!