Originally Posted by peabody9
Thanks for your input.
My daughter is mentally challenged and has psychological problems and the only reason her 18 month old child is thriving is because she lives in our home with her siblings and my husband and I.
Both guys who are the fathers of her children, are extremely controlling and verbally abusive. This guy told her he couldn't get her pregnant, that the military shots made him sterile. He purposely impregnated her. Now we are in this terrible dilemma.
This new life deserves to be with a mother and father who are committed to each other. My daughter recognizes her limitations. This man doesn't recognize his.
I wasn't saying he was a disabled vet in a bad way, just to point out that he is on disability, yet works to hide his income. He has psychological problems, PTSD, along with anger problems. My daughter was sneaky in seeing him, while we babysat. Yes, she is culpable here, but when you have a person with limited intelligence being taken advantage of by a man who is 10 years older and a control freak who knew exactly what he was doing, it's very upsetting.
This new life deserves more.
I can see why some people flee when problems too large to handle arise.
Scott beat me to it - IF you can get an evaluation which PROVES her legally incompetent to make a decision to have sexual intercourse and he knew OR SHOULD HAVE known, then you can prosecute him. I worked one of these cases once. There is no question that the female was challenged. Two evaluations did not conclude that she was incapable of legally agreeing to sex. The fact that "he" discussed his inability to get her pregnant leads me to believe that she has a level of understanding which rules out the problem with consensual sex. It's worth a try. I also interviewed neighbors, friends, on behalf of the female. In the end there was not sufficient proof, no matter what angle we tried. I'm just trying to tell you how things work.
I would guess that if she's old enough to have one child she understands sex and pregnancy; she was sneaking out to see him so she's not confined or supervised at all times; she discussed pregnancy with "him." She may be somewhat challenged, and she may understand her limitations and he may not recognize his, but ... as you said, she's aware enough to lie and be sneaky.
I do understand what you are saying, I truly do. You have, however, been given appropriate legal advice. The US is turning into a nation of grandparents raising children because the grandchildren's parents are too self centered or careless to raise them.
I agree that every child should have loving parents, two of them - in a perfect World. You are in a situation with limited choices - attempt to have the child adopted (with the adoptive parents aware of the limitations of both parents) and maybe the Social Services Agency will determine the father cannot father and he'll lose his say, but I highly doubt it; your daughter/you keep the child; your daughter gives up her rights and the father tries to get custody.
Here comes the very hard part - it's even hard for me to write this BUT if I were you my daughter would be on birth control, whatever the Doctor recommends, and if I had to I would pry her teeth apart and feed her "the pill" with her orange juice every morning. Honestly, I am NOT joking.
There would not be another pregnancy - if I had to stuff the pill into her and force her to use a backup method.
The really sad part of this for me is that I tried so very hard to have a biological child (I have 5 stepchildren), and I could never carry beyond the first few months. Stories like this make me all the sadder.