I brought my adult daughter home when she needed back surgery. This was 16 months ago. She is still living with me. I provide food , shelter and little by little, she is demanding more and more of my financies - e.g. for cigarettes, taxi cabs, special food, etc, and when she does not get what she wants, she screams horrible obscenities at me. She refused to look for a job and does not help out here. I am becoming frightened of her ranting and screaming and threats and have asked her to leave, but she refuses. I am 58 and on chemotherapy, but work almost 70 hours per week to support us and also help my elderly mother who lives alone. My daughter now wants me to buy her nutrisystem and is tormenting me until I do, but I tried to explain that after supporting her this long, I just don't have any money left. Has also stolen from me and her elderly grandmother, but it is impossible to reason with her. I love her and know I am enabling her, but I am too sick to deal with this and do not want her homeless in the winter. Any advise will be greatly appreciated.

First just refuse her requests for cabs, special food and so on, next give her official written notice to leave, and then file a formal eviction if she does not.

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What an exhausting position you are in.

You deserve peace in your home, regardless of anything else. Your home is your sanctuary.

Your adult daughter needs to be on her own. As hard as it is to put those wheels in motion, it is much harder to have her around, you don't have a choice. You need control of your own life without pressure from her, so you can heal!

She will not be homeless. Do a little research and contact your local social service agencies and find out what shelters are available. These shelters in turn, assist with everything from establishing an income, to finding a permanent place to live, to referrals for work re-training, skills training, education, etc. She will not be out in the cold. Don't let her dump that guilt trip on you. Be informed instead.

You are also not doing her any favours in allowing her to think that entitlement happens just because she wants something. She needs to learn the satisfaction of providing for herself, under her own steam, without relying on you to do it for her.

She will never be independent and successful in her own right, if you allow her to continue in this manner with you. Let her grow up, that's part of being a parent too. She is capable, and she needs to motivate herself.

You might feel better talking to a counsellor at a women's shelter or emergency shelter, or at the welfare office yourself. Just to rest your mind at ease that there are very, very good support systems in place to assist people like your daughter, get on their feet.

Before you lose any more steam, and sleepless nights, please get moving on a plan to have your daughter out of your house, and into a safe place.

No good deed goes unpunished! The more you give to the ungrateful, the more they want and the less they respect you. However, remember it is NEVER too late to say: "No more!" to any abuser. Yes, our grown children can be our worst ennemies. Don't let them. Tape her rantings and threaten to broadcast them on Facebook or better still send them to contraceptive advertisers as a warning to other people who are contemplating having children!

I love my adult kids and don't want anything to happen to them... But I've gone terribly wrong somewhere.my own mother abandoned us as kids and myself being the eldest at 14 looked after my younger siblings,its such a long story so if anyone wants to ask a question about that part fire away... fast forward to present day... my 36 yr old daughter has hit me about 2 hours ago this followed loads of abuse really nasty stuff... she has been abusing me like that for years and I now just want to die. I always cared for my kids properly as a mother should probably over compensating because of my own childhood... I never smacked them but maybe I should have? My eldest daughter isn't abusive but is critical of me compared with the abuse its small fry so I let that go over my head,thing is its not ever going to stop she is never going to stop on the odd occasion when she is OK she isn't really she just pretends its like she's waiting to pounce,she gathers information and then pulls it out of the hat for maximum effect its nothing terrible but its unnerving that someone would be capable of that.she is a bully . My own daughter is a bully and I am her victim and she is never ever going to stop.

I feel for you I brought my daughter bak home she had already had one child and another on the way it has been 10 months the abuse the threats if I kick her out really allfull she pays for nothing goes out all the time leaves me with the kids never says thank you the mental abuse is horrific the things she says terrifing to me I don't know what to do you are damed if do you are damed if you don't its just having the courage to do something and my story is just the short of it I have in this situation for 6 years so if there is an answear for me out please help me to :(

To people suffering from abusive children - you do not have to take it and you should not blame yourself. I have seen this happen with my sister, she is so nasty to our mother it is unbelievable. I grew up in the same house and my sister claims our mother was horrible to her when she was a child.I have no idea why she is saying this as I was there and apart from the usual family ups and downs with rearing children, I did not see anything as my sister claims. It is like she has some kind of false memory and has convinced herself this is what happened.
Borderline personality disorder might be the underlying factor. People who have this condition can be very abusive and manipulative. Either way, parents of abusive children do not blame yourselves. Your children are adults and adults make choices about how they choose to behave. There is absolutely no excuse and there is no way you should be suffering in this way. Just ask an adult child to leave the home or cut off from them until they can behave in a more civil manner.

sratt... your health is being seriously compromised by allowing this to continue. She needs to leave immediately! If this was an abusive husband or boyfriend, you wouldn't allow it, so kick her to the curb. She WILL land on her feet and perhaps she will appreciate this, one day. I kicked my youngest daughter out, at 18. She slept in her car for a month, stayed with friends, etc... but eventually picked herself up, got a job, an apartment, and is now a healthy young woman, in a committed relationship for the past 11 years and is expecting her first child. She is my sweetie now and our relationship is precious to me.

Taping someone without their concent is a felony.

Tried staying no to abuse from 23 year old daughter with personality disorder. I have tried getting her counseling help, tried differing supportive techniques... and now I am done. Can't take the abuse any longer.
I do not respond to her abuse because it is useless to answer or try to talk to her. Regardless of the constant demeaning remarks and threats, I have not given into her demands for money or using my car. Almost each day, I think it's going to be better. Instead the abuse and threats are increasing. It does beat me down to a depressive state.. Part of her abuse is taping and editing what I am finally at my wit's end from her snearing, swearing, breaking and throwing things. If I could get a divorce from her I would.I found that I can do nothing to help her. So, now she needs to be evicted. I think the only way she will go is to be carried out.