I just found out that my friends mom hits him sometimes, he says its not abuse its just sometimes but tonight he's going to tell his mom something that I think she'll be upset about what hould I do? Even if its not abuse it doesn't feel right

I will tell you honestly, in some if not most, 'hitting' your child is not against the law. Spanking is legal, swats are legal, smacks are legal. It becomes illigal when it leaves marks, injury, or death. There are some states where even spanking is illigal though. What state do you both live in?

Does your friends mom spank him or smack him as a form of disciplined for misbehavior?

If he's not concerned about it then why are you? Also, are you sure he's telling the truth?

"Hitting" doesn't always mean abuse. Swatting your child, or someone else, is not necessarily abuse.

Having said that, if you feel he's being abused then contact CPS, they'll investigate, and if he is being abused, they're remove him from his home and place him in foster care, or find another family member that is willing to take him.

And if he's not, be prepared to lose him as a friend. Could he be exaggerating by chance?

That's the main consideration.

For sure if the OP reports this to CPS, even if there's nothing going on, his/her friend will not be grateful for the attention.

It's a very slippery slope. If there is abuse going on, then no matter what the consequences are to the friendship, it needs to be reported and dealt with. Foster care isn't ideal, being removed from your home is never easy, but abuse isn't something anyone should have to live with. It's a had choice to make.

But you also have to look at it realistically. Kids are kids. They make stuff up. They want to seem cool, or emo, different, and they make stuff up to get attention. But not all of them do, abuse is very real, and it does happen. I don't have the stats, but I'd bet that for every 10 kids that say they're being abused, only 1 is actually suffering from abuse. That's just personal experience, a guess, not an actual stat. But, even if my guess is right, what if he's that 1 out of 10?

So it's a crap shoot. Report this, and if he's being abused, he'll likely hate you because he'll be put in foster care, or with a relative, but either way he'll be taken out of his home. Don't report it, and if it's as bad as you think it is, he'll continue to be abused.

Either choice is hard, and until I know more of the story, and not just what the OP wrote, I'm not willing to make that choice just yet.

I'm dealing with CPS right now (another thread, not me personally), but I have to ask the ages of the people involved.

I think before we respond to this thread as involving CPS, we need to have more information into the situation... I'm a poet and don't even know it.

This could be nothing more than a spanking or could be as serious as abuse, but until we know further we can't speculate. In my state alone there are over 1,000 calls to CPS a day (just found that out on Friday), many are founded. However, many are unfounded and tie up the few social workers that we have that need to investigate more serious issues.

I have 2 children that I am trying to get removed from their home due to meth manufacturing, etc. however CPS is so backlogged due to accusations such as spanking, etc. that they don't have the time or manpower to devote to such serious accusations.

I'm just saying that until we get all of the info from the OP, it only hampers the system by suggesting that they report them. If this accusation is unfounded, then we have wasted valuable time, money, and effort when there are children who really need this assistance.

I couldn't agree more J.

It is very sad that children lie about abuse (not saying that's the case with the OP's friend), and because of those lies, and limited resources, the kids that are actually abused are left in abusive homes and not helped.

Sadly, I don't think the kids that are lying about it of attention give a rats behind how it affects others. :(

When I said hitting I meant like she punches is that legal too?

No, it's not legal, but here's where it gets tricky. Kids lie, that's why CPS doesn't take every case seriously anymore, because too many kids have lied, and because of those kids there simply aren't enough CPS employees to thoroughly investigate every potential abuse situation. Do you understand?

So I have to ask. Have you seen his mother hit him? Have you seen bruises on him? Has he missed a lot of school when there's really no reason (sickness) for him to be absent? Are you willing to be honest about all those questions?

No matter what, your only option is to call CPS, but as J9 stated, even if there is abuse, because of so many children wanting attention and lying about abuse (I'm not saying your friend is lying), your claim may not be taken seriously, especially if you haven't seen any of this alleged abuse or any signs that he's being abused.

Sadly his word alone doesn't really mean anything. There has to be proof before anything can be done, and even then, often times nothing is done. CPS is too overworked, thanks to lying children. :(

If he does not want to report it, there is not much you can do, how often do you see marks on his face, bruises or black eyes. If he is being hit, there will be physcial signs

I want to add, if you call CPS expect them to question you about what you've witnessed. In other words, if you're just taking his word for it, and you call, it will get you nowhere. If you've seen his mother beat him on multiple occasions, seen bruises etc. (like I mentioned before), then call. But don't think for a minute that you can just call and CPS will step in.

They have to prove that your friends allegations are true. If they took every kid that screamed abuse out of their homes, and charged the parents, there would be a lot of lying kids in foster homes, and there would be a lot of innocent parents in jail.

Also, I'd ask your friend why he hasn't called CPS himself if things are really as bad as he says they are.

I don't see signs/: maybe he's lying..

It could be. It happens.

But, if he is telling the truth then he deserves to get help. If he mentions it again, tell him to call CPS, or tell him you'll call CPS. If he freaks out at that suggestion, then he's most likely telling you all of this for attention.

Do keep an eye out for bruises, other marks, or other signs that he's being abused. If there are none, then it's most likely that he's telling you a story for attention.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. You are a good friend, and I have to say, I really hope he is lying because the alternative is that he's being abused, and really, unless he himself calls CPS and they actually investigate and find evidence that he's telling the truth, he'll be stuck in an abusive home. So him lying about it is the better of those two options, at least for him.

But if he is lying, he should be ashamed of himself, because there are so many kids that CPS is passing up because of kids that lie about abuse.