I've seen this kind of questions a lot but this feels a bit different...

I've been in a relationship about 5 years now and we're both 19. I know we've started dating very young but we broke up once about year ago. We were almost two months apart and came back together because we figured out it was a terrible mistake to broke up. Well it was mostly my stupidity because I wanted to see how life was when I was single. It wasn't that good. I missed her.

Unfortunately, after we came back together and had a lovely year, about month ago my girlfriend said that she doesn't know if she wants to be single and she is very confused with her thoughts. She still loves me and this has nothing to do with any other guy and I trust her.

I discussed with her and I listened her. She feels like she wants to have time alone and be free and all kind of that stuff. She didn't know what to do because broking up may be a mistake due to her. She said "this phase could go away".

Even though I was in a great shock and terrified, I understood. After all things said I figured out it's best to give her total space and stop communicating but my girlfriend still wants to see once a week. During this horrible month I've seen her once a week because that is what she wanted and I haven't said much to her except when I'm with her of course. By the way we still are in this relationship 'like normal'.

I've avoided the big question "how does she feels about this" for a month and now I did ask it. She said that right after she told me about this whole "wants to be single" thing she felt like she DOESN'T want to be single. After couple of weeks from that she became uncertain AGAIN and she needs more time to figure herself out.

I'm calm and patient and I can give her time to herself, no problem. But I'm not going to wait forever that's for sure. I love her and don't really want to break up. I've said everything that had to be said and I've given her time to herself. This just kills me.

I need your help. Any kind of advice would be great.

What should I do? Is it over?

Sorry guy but when doubt creeps in and lingers, it just the beginning of the end. A majority of the time, NOT always, but mostly, the confusion ends when she has weaned herself off you, and is strong enough emotionally to explore her world. But its common to the age group, and really has nothing to do with you, even though hanging around freaks out your mind too!

You can either go through this process that will delay the inevitable, or bow out gracefully, and make the decision for her. For sure doing things at her pace is a long miserable way to torture yourself. And its NOT fair to YOU! I would sure cover my a$$ on this one, just in case she wants to explore, and take chances, which is normal for her age. AND yours.

I would recommed to stop being so easy with her. She has broken up with you, the only possible way for her to come back is to let her miss you. Stop contacting her, do not see her one time a week, not even one time a year, no phone calls, no IM, no texts, if she talks to you in ANY way... IGNORE IT. If you don't, then I can guarantee she will leave for sure, stop playing her game, and if she wants you, she will have to play yours. She wants to keep you on the back burner while she goes out and has fun? That is unacceptable. Treat this as a break up, if she comes back, you will have a choice, if she doesn't, then you will have started healing already.

Thanks for your answers!

The fact is we are still together even though we have this 'crisis'. The problem is, when I try not to contact her at all, eventually she starts to text me or ask me if we could see each other someday. It feels so stupid because I'm mentally starting to heal and focus more on myself than I used to - and THEN she starts talking and the whole process goes back to the start and I find it odd if I don't response to her at all.

So how should I act if she starts texting me and asking if we could see each other and should I even see her at all? I find it hard to just let her down and I feel like I'm losing my chances - even though it might do the opposite, I don't know. What should I tell her? Should I say nothing - or should I tell her something like I'm not going to wait for her forever and it would be better if we don't see each other for awhile.

What do you think?

Anyone?

I think you need to be bluntly honest and tell her you need to heal after being dumped, and cannot be friends without the healing process. Tell her at this time talking is a torture. Then be unavailable to be an emotional tampon so you can stop letting her put you in the friend zone and keep you around until she is strong enough to heal, or decide to pursue other interests.

The way I see it is that her curiosity of wanting to be single is going to stick for a while. There's always going to be thoughts about whether the grass is greener on the other side. Or what if there is something else better for her. Until she can get it out of her system, she is going to continue to have these thoughts.

It's possible to try to work it out together, but sometimes, the only way to get this out of our system is to experiment out there.

At some point, it might not be your decision anymore, that she wants to leave the relationship and you can't force her to stay.

The best you can do right now is to show her how you feel and do the best you can to show her to you want to make this work. But the rest is up to her. Focus on yourself and what you need to do, but you can't force her to stay in this relationship.

I need to add some details to my situation.

To be honest I want her back and I'm not trying to force her. As I said before - the first time she told me that she has been confused for couple of weeks and don't know what she wants - and after telling me that she didn't want to be single.

Couple of weeks from that later she became uncertain again - BUT I think that maybe is because I had a fight with her back then and made her upset. I surely looked like an a$$hole in her eyes. I apologized of course.

I forgot to tell you that I've been too clingy with her before she became confused. I don't know if this all is because of that. She is still kissing me and treating me good and wants to continue our relationship for now - even though she is not sure about anything YET.

I want her 'back' if it's possible anyhow. Because I have been too clingy with her - that's why I'm trying to give her total space now and try to help her to find out if she really misses me. That's why I'm trying to avoid all this seeing and texting with her. Is it wise in my situation? Do I have any chance for she to come back?

Btw, I think you're right that she is curious about being single. Been there - done that, the grass wasn't greener on the other side for me. I learned my lesson back then and wanted her back. I don't know what she wants to do.

Does anyone know more about this being too clingy thing?

Just as you were curious, and wanted to explore maybe she does too, and the only way to scratch that itch is to do it, as you well know. Sometimes as you did, they want to come back, but a lot of times they don't because they find another path to follow without you. Sometimes you plan for the worst, and hope for the best, and see what happens.

I see several things at work here. I think you are afraid to lose her. That's understandable, maybe it makes you try to hard (clingy), and smother her in some ways. Maybe you wrap your life existence, and happiness around her, and have no life without her. Maybe that's the way she reacts after an argument. Maybe she has grown up, is not a kid anymore, and is seeing the reality of life as an adult, and wants to be free to make her own plans without your help, and approval.

Maybe you both have grown, matured changed about what you want in life, but she isn't ready for the responsibility of a mature couple that wants to build a life together. Maybe your life is confusing to you, and YOU cling to your comfort zone from teen age years and are not making the transition to adult ways of doing things.

Its most likely all of the above, and you are not making the proper adjustments to the confused changes that are happening to you both. And more than likely, you both are holding onto the past, when there was no decisions to make, and you just enjoyed the flow of things. No worries of responsibility.

The biggest thing I see is, she has made all her fears, and insecurities yours, and that's not good. You better back up to a safer emotional position, and let her decide for herself what she wants, and don't worry about not knowing what it is, because she doesn't know yet.

The best advice I can give is chart your own course, whether she wants to follow, or not. Waiting for a 19 year old female to make up her mind is a practice in futility. Out of your control for sure, so to answer your question, she is the only one to say if she wants to come back or not, but this is where I am confused as you said she wants a relationship, but you have to act better.

Talaniman Rule - Don't worry about getting dumped, until they dump you, then disappear!

Don't act like a scared kid, when you can be a capable man. Obviously she knows how to maneuver you to get what she wants. Lose the fear.

I've to admit you're right. I'm afraid of losing her and it's making me to try too hard pleasing her and there is no doubt she might feel smothered. I've wrapped my life too much around her and I don't really know who am I anymore.

My life has been really messed up lately because all of my friends moved out to study. That maybe is the main reason I cling to my comfort zone. Maybe we're both afraid of moving forward but that doesn't seem to be the only reason I'm with her.

It's not easy to admit all this but it seems to be that way. I don't know how I should handle these things.

So to be clear, what do you mean by that I need to back up to a safer emotional position? How exactly do I need to act better? I'm pretty much lost and I appreciate your answer - it has given me a lot to think about.

I have always believed you should have your own plan that you work for yourself, no matter the relationship, and your own lifestyle that you enjoy without your partner. Then you can be more objective when distractions appear, and have a better sense of self that allows you to deal with the BS others throw at you.

That's the priority, not to be held hostage by the fears, and insecurities of others, or be confused by their confusion, and the drama that goes with it. Its easier to deal with uncertainty, and stress, when you know who you are, and where you are going.

Its easier to do the right thing for yourself.

Today I told my girlfriend that I'm not going to be there waiting for her much longer anymore. She is just having fun with her friends and feels more comfortable to be with them than me because she is anxious about her uncertainty (whether she wants to be single or not).

I told her I'm not going to be there for her so she could just use me to heal herself out of this relationship. I think she hasn't even realized what she is doing. I can see from her eyes that she still loves me but the curiousity of being single is making her more anxious in this relationship. From my experience I can tell you that anxiety blurs your thinking and hides true feelings.

I told her that maybe we should split up and she just has to experiment how it is to be single, so she can get it out of her system. She started crying and told me she is afraid that I don't want to be friends with her and would stop contacting with her. She was extremely afraid of that.

So what's going on, why she wants to be friends so badly if we broke up? Is she trying to hold me on her friend zone so she could use me as an emotional tampon? What kind of game is she playing? I'm not going to sit here torturing myself, so she could use me to get away from me.

Should I just tell her it's over and make no contact to her? I'm tired of her being so confused with her thoughts and not knowing what to do.

Have some compassion, and understanding my friend. Its not easy to think straight about yourself and the future with a million intense feelings bombarding every waking hour. That's where she is, caught in her youth facing a strange, uncertain, often hard cruel world. Of course she wants some sanity and comfort from a familiar place.

That's all cool for her, but not so good for you. And yes for a while you will be her emotional tampon. And that's torture, and insanity, and will not be good for any healing. Time to let go, so she can let go, and you both get your lives in good order.

Me and my girlfriend broke up over a week ago. She just wanted to be free and not worry about anyone or to be attached to someone. She wanted more time to herself and her friends, but wasn't sure about any of this. She still loved me and didn't know if it would be a bad mistake.

I made the decision for her because she didn't know what to do and we split up, and it was really tough for her. She still keeps texting me almost once a day and I feel like she's already starting to regret the break up. At the same time she says she needs this, the distance to figure herself out.

I'm confused. I've started moving on with my life but I also have this thought in the back of my head that she might want to come back some day. She might figure out breaking up was a mistake. I know she loves me and couldn't imagine herself to be with someone else. Why did she want to break up?

What would be the wise thing to do? I can't really move on 100% if I keep having this kind of thoughts about the possibility of getting back together.

The thoughts are normal, and will linger a great while, and be made worse, and more intense by false hope and any contact at all. Let go of the false hope and deal with the feelings by pro actively staying busy, and coping with life without her. Tough, but gets better.

I broke up with my girlfriend over two weeks ago.

My ex didn't know if she wanted to be single or not. She was curious about how life could be if she had more time to herself and didn't have to worry about a relationship. I think she still had feelings for me because she said so but I'm wondering could it be the age? We're both 19. I've heard that it's not going to last forever if you are in a relationship under 24 or something. I hope someone could tell me more about this age thing..

I was waiting for her about two months to make up her mind and then I had enough of torturing myself and I made the decision for us. Told her she needs distance to see how things really are.

All the things she said when we were splitting up like
'I hope we can be friends'
'I would feel really bad if we couldn't talk to each other anymore'
'You can speak anything to me anytime if you want to/ I'm there for you'
'If we were meant to each other, I hope we somehow end up back together in the future'
'There is nothing wrong with you, you are lovely and sweet'
'I need to go through this phase'
'I'm more confused now than I was in the beginning of this'
'I'm afraid this might be a mistake'
'I really don't know what should we do... What do you think?'

I don't know for sure but I'm starting to feel like that all might have been just a load of bullsh**. I think she was feeling guilty and didn't have the guts to dump me right away and let me spin for two months. I'm feeling so angry and pessimistic... Frustration.

After breakup I went NC even though she said she would feel very disturbed if we couldn't talk to each other or be friends at all. To my surprise she haven't contacted me anyhow and I found out that she has been hiding and avoiding me at the local nightclub.

She also knows I don't feel good if she is drinking and partying a lot. Now during the breakup she has updated her Facebook status several times about going out drinking and dancing which isn't normal for her.

What's up with that? First she wants to be friends so bad and now it feels like she is avoiding me and trying to revenge or something, trying to get me to contact her... Or is it just me?

Breaking up is so hard... I've had urges to contact her but I haven't. Every now and then I've checked her Facebook page to see what's new because it's hard to ignore. It's so hard to cut someone who you still love completely out of your life just like that.

It's over delete her off your phone, Facebook and anything else you have. You are only nineteen that means that you have a whole lot of more living. There are more fish in the sea as they say. Go fishing and forget about the one that got away.

First thing you need to do is un-friend her on face book, stop obsessing about her, break up with her in your own mind and get on with your life... Yes she probably said all the things she said just so that you would not be hurt as badly as you apparently are. You need to begin your grieving process and heal from this, go to new places where she probably won't be find a new night club to go to, start making a new circle of friends. All this is much easier said than done and I can say that because I've lived it... and I survived to find my best friend and husband...

So many girls I know have the same problem that they want to be with their boyfriend but they also want to go out have fun and be single basically want both which obviously isn't possible maybe when you were with her she felt she couldn't go out and have fun because she knew you wouldn't like it and that might be why she is avoiding you as well the fact she is now going out and drinking maybe why she felt she couldn't do that when she was with you and you may say no but I wouldn't stop her but she may feel ashamed to do it because of your views or whatever maybe you need to think whether when you were together you were giving her enough space and freedom within reason but I don't know your relationship so that might not be the case but just a suggestion I think you should talk to her and explain this just say that you hoped you would still stay in contact and be friends and you didn't want it to be awakward however you do feel it is and is their something wrong but so you don't feel paranoid saying it to her say something like "it might just be me overthinking it,but i feelthis.." or " there probably isn't anything but just wanted to make sure..." so it sounds casual and your not obsessed cause that might freak her out if you are still hung up on her and she isn't. Hope you sort it out though

Yes I gave her space so that's not the case. I don't know maybe she had build barriers in her mind that she couldn't do things with me like she could do them single like going out more often and use freetime to see friends and not have to plan anything for me every time.

This feels so stupid. Couple of months ago she said I was the perfect man for her and we were planning to move in together etc. And suddenly this comes out of nowhere. Well she have also had these 'wanting to be single' thoughts before but she told they went away every time.

Our situation is so unclear and my mind is creating false hopes because of that. Not really sure are we through or is it just a testbreak. Maybe I should take this as a break up but her 'games' are making me crazy. She's trying to annoy me and rub my nose when she does something.

Should I delete her from Facebook or could I just block her? I don't know should I be rude by deleting her...