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    sexyartist1979's Avatar
    sexyartist1979 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Nov 15, 2011, 09:38 PM
    I don't know if I should stay or leave
    Not sure where to start.. so I'll start by giving some details before I ask what is on my mind.
    My hubby-a few months ago my husband lost his job due to an injury on the job and currently haven't been able to work cause of it and now has to deal with a settlement case. As for now, he currently going back to school so he can get a degree since everything once quilify for working in a warehouse/construction type of work he can't do anymore. He is trying to find a job to have while he is in school with the finicial aid and grants he recives to pay for it. Since the day we met, he always been a hard worker and does the best he can to be there for me. Since this injury I know it's been hard on him not being able to be the man he once was on the bringing in income.

    As for me, I'm currently working(I work 3rd shift too) but don't make enough to cover all our bills that we couldn't cut out things like internet fees and cell phone service. We are down to what we have to pay like car payments and paying off our last credit card we owe besides paying our share of rent/ultilies, food, and gas in our car. I'm currently still trying to find a job that pays enough to cover all the bills like I have had to do the last few months, but so far nothing has come through and my current job won't give me anymore hrs. we also don't have any kids, but plan to later on when things get better.

    The other part and the most miserable part- cause of lack of funds we had to move in with his dad and his sister that has a 3 and a 2year old boys. A couple of months ago. When it comes to sil, she has hated me since day one. She 22 years old and really been spoiled by dad growing up. So now she has this attitude that she someone special and has have her way. Even if it makes everyone else miserable and what happens benfits her in the end. So of course my fil that we live with too.. lets her walk all over him and she gets her way with everything that goes on around here. Then when it comes to her kids, she really needs to work on being the parent she needs to be with her kids like instead of relying on her daddy or assumes we are watching them just because we live here too. Plus watch what she says when yelling at them. All I have seen her do is work, buy things for her and the kids, and yell at them(with curse words and saying things like you're a dumb kid) when they do get into trouble. She works 3rd shift while kids, hubby, and fil sleeps. Another thing she likes to do is instead of staying awake when she gets off work so she can watch her kids until someone can watch them while she gets some sleep before work is goes to sleep before the kids wake up. Then the kids wake up and as kids being kids playing and making huge messes all over the house when not being watched by a adult. I'm surprised that one of them hasn't gotten themselves seriously hurt or went outside into the busy street by now. Only time she is awake is if the kids wake her up with the noise they make with playing or etc.. Even then, all I seen her do is clean the messes and yell at the kids.. then go sit down and does her thing with the TV or computer while the kids are playing or getting into things(including our bedroom that is off limits). So on top her hateing me and does what she can to make me the bad person in the house... even tries to make hubby upset with me so he will kick me out, but of course almost everytime(sometimes he doesn't see it) he sees right through it and we work through whatever she throws at us. However, no matter what my husband tries to do to make life easier for us while we live with his family. In the end I just feel stressed and miserable living here to the point I just want to take up on my parents offer for us to stay with them until hubby and I can get our own place again. He won't go cause he not a country side(15mins outside of town) person and can't handle being around my parents to long. Plus he doesn't want me to go too for his own reasons like me being here like it has been as his wife. So if I did take that offer, it means hubby and I will be living in separate houses for awhile.. til our income gets better so we can have our own place again. My question is as miserable I am living with his family. Should I take up the offer my parents gave us and I stay with them until further notice? Or stay and be miserable living with his family?
    Foxfyr31's Avatar
    Foxfyr31 Posts: 42, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Nov 18, 2011, 03:48 PM
    For better or worse until DEATH do us part. I see the frustration I under stand your stress. Do NOT lose sight of what's most important. Go see a psychologist. Or counsilor with your husband. And make him understand how this is hurting you. And let him know all of your thoughts communication is the key to a long lasting marriage
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #3

    Nov 18, 2011, 04:05 PM
    How long would you two have to live apart? I'm thinking that might work, if you do it right. It's certainly not fair for you to be under such pressure at your fil's house.

    Or is there some other solution where you can live together, say, rent a studio apartment or space from a friend?
    sexyartist1979's Avatar
    sexyartist1979 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #4

    Nov 19, 2011, 06:46 PM
    Hubby and I have talked about this many of times in the last month and trying to spend time together much as possible so we can keep our marriage strong through all this. He totally understands my frustration with his sister and has been trying to do everything he can on his part so we can get out on our own again SAP. He even meation that he hates living here and it very upset with how his sister is acting and gets away with things too. But there is only so much we can do until income gets better. We both hoping that we only have to be here for a few more months if income starts getting better soon. But at the possible worst would be after he gets his college degree in 2-3 years since he really doesn't qualify for any jobs here since he has permant doc resrictions now. Since my last talk with him about me going. We been working on going over to see if I could go without causing more $$ strain on us. He told me as long as we can afford to. He didn't have a problem with me going but he is going to miss having me around 24/7 for his own reasons. Other than my parents place since all our friends have moved out of town for better jobs and more to do(we live in a small town and trying to get moved out too).. we really don't have anywhere else to go and every where we looked about renting(even studio apartments) is more than what we have income coming in order to pay all the bills on time every month. Even section 8 housing in our area doesn't have any openings.. they are all full. Which sucks cause of the limited sources we can do right now cause this has been the hardest time we had to deal with money since the day we met.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #5

    Nov 19, 2011, 06:54 PM
    Is there an older couple in town or a widow that has an upper floor or some space they can rent to you two? Certainly you know people in town -- empty-nesters, grandparent types.

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