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horror · Oct 30, 2011, 07:28 AM

My husband and I have been married only 5 months and we are in counseling. He is driving me nuts; his neediness and insecurities are exhausting me. I do all I can to be a good wife and mother to his two boys. I take care of our home, cook, and never say no to his husbandly needs, even at 5 a.m.

I never go out at night with friends, and the only time I do go anywhere is to run to the store and even then, if I am not back exactly when I say I will be, he is upset. I don't know what to do any longer. He was not this way when we were dating. I do all the things his first wife did not do and am always there. He says I never spend time with him. He wants constant affection and conversation. Frankly, it is tiring me emotionally.

What do I do?

QLP · Oct 30, 2011, 11:15 AM

Firstly stick with the counselling, it can take time to get results.
Secondly, stop walking on eggshells because of his insecurities. If you are too tired for sex at 5am say so. If you want to see your friends in an evening do so. If you want to go out window shopping with the girls or out for a gossip do that. I don't mean become constantly selfish, but do strike a balance. You are letting him clip your wings and I can bet you it isn't making him feel any more secure is it? Don't try to compete with an ex-wife. An insecure spouse might use, 'you are so much better than my first wife because you do this for me,' type of thing - which is just being controlling. It is perfectly possible to be a great wife and mother and still have time for yourself, in fact the latter is a necessity if you are going to be able to continue doing so. Would you give the children everything they wanted just to keep them quiet?

Wondergirl · Oct 30, 2011, 11:49 AM

How is the counseling going? Are these issues being addressed and discussed with the counselor acting as mediator?