Does anyone have any experience on what would drive you to the point to be mean to someone? Would you say it is a way of seeking revenge/punishment?

It's difficult to say without more details. But as for revenge... Here's a quote that might give you a clue to how successful that might be -

"If you plan to seek revenge begin by digging two graves."

For me personally. My experience on why people are mean. It comes to one word that destroys a lot of people and causes a lot of hurt and pain. JEALOUSY.

Joe

I would have never thought "Jealousy", wow that is amazing. Thanks, this helps

Yes, Joe, that is a reason.

I have always been a believer that it is even deeper than that. Sadly, when unkindness comes out of someone, it is a reflection of how they feel inside about themselves. Very rarely is it how they view the person they are being unkind to, but mostly how they view themselves. I find that to be so sad.

Is there a way that I could make a difference to this person than?

It is all in how you react to that person being mean to you. If you react in anger, it will make it worse. Even if you try to deal with this person with love, it may be the same. The only way this person will be any different is when they figure out for themselves that their behaviour is destroying themselves and others and only want to change on their own. They need to want that for themselves before there is any difference made.

I think a big distinction needs to be made between being aware it occurs or not. Mean behavior that is outloud, upfront and conscious is far far different than when its subconscious and I see more of the latter, a lot more.

People justify the conscious meaness by pointing to the meaness they received -- it's the old eye for an eye justification -- "Jonny did it first!!" LOL Or they claim it's a desperate form of defense (maybe rightfully so and maybe not too -- more on that later). And then there are those who get small covert pleasures from both inflicting it and watching it be inflicted -- that's called sadism and all people have varying streaks of that in them. It is how Jerry Springer got rich. I consider that sick, frankly but I see much of the American culture doesn't give it a second thought. When people like this are confronted, they don't usually resort to justifying it but rather deny it outright. That its too private to own up to tells me they knew it to be wrong all along. LOL

People who are subconsciosuly mean have disconnected from themselves in many ways, not just with this action. They live their lives much like how it would be if they drove their cars with their eyes shut -- lots of fender benders! LOL And you largely can't do much with them until they wake up apart from cross the street when you see them coming.

To a large extent meaness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. One man's mean might be another man's toughness. I am sometimes labeled as "mean" for speaking truth but I can usually recognise that is just someone's denial system fighting back and have learned to not take it personally (you only need see the recent red points on my profile for things like that LOL). I know when I am being mean and I haven't done that in a looooong time, not because of what it does to you all but because I know only too well exactly what it does to me. Ugh. No thanks! I also have been forced to be severe with people who don't listen well and undoubtedly they thought that was mean. It wasn't, it was necessary toughness that while I was uncomfortable with it, I was willing to do. Refusing a child's request to eat candy for dinner may seem mean to the child, but its clear to any sane adult that some kindness is not kind.

Good thought provoking question, Teaching!

Fear and jealousy

Several reasons, they feel belittled, scared, hurt, jealous, a whole range of emotions can cause someone to be mean. Some people use it as a defense, to prevent others from hurting them.