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    Forlornhope's Avatar
    Forlornhope Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 29, 2008, 04:37 AM
    My wife has left me for someone else and I want her back
    My wife left me a month ago for someone else and I desperately want her back. We are both 40 and have been together for 23 years and have 3 children. Last year I had an affair which has obviously resulted in my wife falling out of love with me and wanting to be with someone else. About 3 weeks before she left me I noticed that she had her mobile phone on her all the time. Ichallenged her about this and she shot in my face the affair I had the year before. We argued which resulted in my wife asking me to leave. I refused so she left me, the house we own and our 3 children. I made the mistake of not giving her time to think, instead I cried and begged her to come home. I tried to pressure her into coming home, instead I have forced her into the arms of another man. She told me she met him 3 weeks before she left and that they were just texing each other, but that they have been seeing each other properly for the last 2 and 1/2weeks. She has told me today that she wants a divorce and that she and this other man love each other. I still love her and hope that by some miracle she will realise she still loves me and comes back home. I would be grateful for any advice to put me on the right track to getting my wife back home with me and my children.
    texhammer's Avatar
    texhammer Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #2

    Jul 29, 2008, 05:05 AM
    Forlornhope -- Anyone who has been down the same road feels your pain, so don't feel like you're alone. You have two choices: chase after her and only make things worse or let her go and focus on your kids. The hardest thing is letting go of someone you love, but you have to give her the freedom to make up her own mind. If you're lucky, she'll turn around and do the right thing for your family, but you cannot bank on it. If you're a good father, there are other women who will see you for what you are and give you a second chance. For now, be there for your kids. Best of luck. T
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
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    #3

    Jul 29, 2008, 11:20 AM
    You admit you helped create this situation. You'll have to wait it out.

    While she's off sowing her oats, work on your own heart and your own attitude. If you want her back, forgive her NOW for what she's doing. You'll need to. Talking to your kids, accept in front of them your part in Mom's current situation. Don't blame her fully, and don't disdain her in their eyes. If you present an understanding and remorseful position to them while accepting your part in it, they'll forgive you AND her. And that's good, too.

    When your wife does contact you, take the soft approach. Begging is pointless. Tell her:

    "...the kids and I are doing good. We all miss you. I've come to grips with a lot about what has happened and the time apart has actually been helpful. Meanwhile, I'm still your husband and am ready to work with you when you're ready to come home. I've already forgiven you, and I understand if you're still not ready to come home. That's fine. I did this to you, I accept my part, and I want you to be able to truly forgive me for my past sins when/if you do come home. I'll be praying for that day, but most of all I just want you to be happy. I hope you're happy. I remember us being happy. When you're ready, I'll be here. Take care of yourself, remember to stay safe, we all love you."


    This needs to be your attitude until and after she comes home. (IF)

    I'm sorry for your situation. I DO hope you make the most of this time to work on your own heart. When she comes back, don't treat her like your wife. Treat her like your girlfriend. Treat her like someone who needs to be impressed and courted on a daily basis. Treat her like the prize she is.
    aem112's Avatar
    aem112 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jul 30, 2008, 06:00 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Forlornhope
    My wife left me a month ago for someone else and i desperately want her back. We are both 40 and have been together for 23 years and have 3 children. Last year i had an affair which has obviously resulted in my wife falling out of love with me and wanting to be with someone else. About 3 weeks before she left me i noticed that she had her mobile phone on her all the time. Ichallenged her about this and she shot in my face the affair i had the year before. We argued which resulted in my wife asking me to leave. I refused so she left me, the house we own and our 3 childen. I made the mistake of not giving her time to think, instead i cried and begged her to come home. I tried to pressure her into coming home, instead i have forced her into the arms of another man. She told me she met him 3 weeks before she left and that they were just texing eachother, but that they have been seeing eachother properly for the last 2 and 1/2weeks. She has told me today that she wants a divorce and that she and this other man love eachother. I still love her and hope that by some miracle she will realise she still loves me and comes back home. I would be grateful for any advice to put me on the right track to getting my wife back home with me and my children.
    I think you should move on and just realize that you probably hurt her so badly that she was never able to get over it. If you really lover her, you should want her to be happy. If she is happier with this other man, she should be with him. I think you should let her know that you still love her and want her back but you also want her to be happy. If she does want you back, she will then know it's a possibility. However, I think you should prepare yourself for the fact that she might not ever want you back. I am in a very similar situation in that my husband cheated on me. I know that if I ever found another man that I truly liked, I would leave my husband in a minute and never look back (and I really do love him - I just cannot get the thoughts of his affair out of my head). I would guess she felt very similar to the way I feel.
    mikelebon's Avatar
    mikelebon Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Aug 5, 2009, 10:22 AM
    My wife left me six weeks ago we were togther 21 years I've felt pain like I'm feeling now iknow she's not coming back because she has somebody else .so I know all to well how you feel I thought I had the perfect marriage I never thought she would cheat never mind leave me for another man .im trying to move on but at times I just give up .its no use begging her to return it doesn't work take it from me if she loves you she will contact you but even then don't take that she's back for good I wish you all the best of luck
    mikelebon's Avatar
    mikelebon Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Aug 5, 2009, 10:22 AM
    My wife left me six weeks ago we were togther 21 years I've felt pain like I'm feeling now iknow she's not coming back because she has somebody else .so I know all to well how you feel I thought I had the perfect marriage I never thought she would cheat never mind leave me for another man .im trying to move on but at times I just give up .its no use begging her to return it doesn't work take it from me if she loves you she will contact you but even then don't take that she's back for good I wish you all the best of luck
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
    Ultra Member
     
    #7

    Aug 5, 2009, 05:02 PM
    I agree with JBeaucaire, that the softly, softly approach is the way to go. Take a deep breath, man up and take it on the chin for the time being.

    I don't believe that she can be 'in love' with someone she only met a couple of weeks ago, and she is most likely 'exacting revenge' for your affair 12 months ago. Whether the situation is repairable, who knows... it may be that the dual infidelities will have been too much. You've both created this situation and after 23 years there seem to be multiple unresolved issues and resentment.

    As texhammer also says, you must give her the freedom to make up her own mind and back off - stop with the crying, pleading and the guilt trip.

    Take responsibility for the part that you've played in creating this situation.

    Perhaps seek out counseling for yourself to understand what made you stray in the first place.
    ollyboyplad's Avatar
    ollyboyplad Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Aug 4, 2011, 03:16 PM
    I've been on my own for 3 months now she left me with two kids I'm loving it and you will to get on with it mate
    brown4217's Avatar
    brown4217 Posts: 7, Reputation: 2
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    #9

    Aug 6, 2011, 10:28 PM

    To me it seem you weren't happy because you cheated on her.. soo from a woman point to view I think you need to give her some space and let her think because by you begging her to come back is not going to help.. I mean. You cheated to a woman who gave you three kids and who was there for you and you turn your back on her.. give her time and slowly start being her friend and talk to her and LISTEN that a man down fall they don't listen.. when she ready she will talk but don't force her to do anything and when the time is right remind her to the good times y'all had and surprise to a place that you and her use to share before the kids came along and make her feel like that special woman again and don't feel bad about anything because we are human and we make mistake. But she will come along we you give her that trust that u LOST with her... and that will take some time. And will y'all don't get back together.. well that's because she was tired and she wants to move to,but she will always have love for you because of the kids.. good luck and try to be happy
    cam2112's Avatar
    cam2112 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Oct 14, 2011, 03:48 AM
    My wife left me also. You are not alone. You should get used to the fact that she is gone and will probably never get back with you. It will hurt for a long time but the pain will pass. Don't ever cheat on anyone again. Especially if you love her! Good luck to you and pray about it.

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