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DFWhottie3939 · Jul 24, 2011, 08:57 PM

WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND TURN DOWN SEX?? My boyfriend is definitely straight, and I HIGHLY doubt he's cheating on me (do you think this would be a reason I'm blind to?). I'm also in shape and cute - I even do promotional modeling... however, he turns me for sex fairly frequently. I don't get it... am I too available to have it? I'm always in the mood and he's not. He claims he's tired... what should I do? Turn him down and give him a taste of his own medicine? Is he not into me? I mean, he does everything else a good boyfriend should do... ahhhh helpp!! I feel like this is the opposite problem any girl should have and NOT one I've ever experienced with any other boyfriend before... I swear not a crazy sex addict... I'm talking I want to have sex every few days.

DFWhottie3939 · Jul 24, 2011, 09:40 PM

I am 24, my boyfriend is 27

Synnen · Jul 25, 2011, 04:14 AM

WHY is he tired?

Being tired and stressed is a libido killer. It has nothing to do with how attracted you are to your partner--it has everything to do with not having the drive to have sex because you're TIRED.

Have you TALKED to him about this, candidly and openly? Have you truly LISTENED to his responses?

Some peoples' drives are lower than others, and there are many different reasons a sex drive could change--including stress, worry, medical issues, and just plain being tired.

CravenMorhead · Jul 25, 2011, 06:51 AM

I honestly think you have the answer. There are numerous reasons for a lack of libido. Exhaustion, stress, fear, and embarrassment are a good number of the mental libido killers. Exhaustion, ED, drug/alcohol use, and body size/weight are the more physical libido killers. See what I did there?

We can speculate all we want here but in the end only talking to him and then participation from him in the solution will eliminate this problem. The short list of things you can do:
1). Talk with him. Frank and non-confrontational. You can't be the bad guy. Don't be critical or judge him. Try to figure out what is going on.
2). Get him to a doctor! The lack of libido might be symptomatic of deeper problems. He might have other issues that is preventing him from performing.
3). Moderate/change your diets. This includes drug/alcohol consumption. Drink less and eat better. Mind you I don't know what your diets are like.
4). Talk to him.

Communication is the key here. It will unlock the door to the solution. Just be supportive and ensure that he realizes that this is a problem that you're both facing. Something that can be beat.

Good Luck.

DFWhottie3939 · Jul 25, 2011, 10:57 AM

Thank you - this helps a lot. I need to talk to him. My knee jerk reaction is to blame it on myself - like maybe I'm not attractive enough to have sex with. Last night was especially hurtful since I hadn't worked out all week and I started feeling insecure about myself when I got turned down again. Obviously there may be something much deeper going on and we need to talk.

DFWhottie3939 · Jul 25, 2011, 11:02 AM

Thank you - this helps a lot. My boyfriend occasionally smokes pot (to my dismay) and is in the process of quitting smoking cigs... do you think that could be a part of this? I definitely need to talk to him because you are right - it is affecting both of us. It makes me beat myself if I haven't worked out all week, or ate a little more than I usually would. I could drive myself crazy with 'can he tell my tummy isn't as flat? ' haha so silly I know.

DFWhottie3939 · Jul 25, 2011, 11:03 AM

**beat myself up - typo! And figuratively - not literally!

CravenMorhead · Jul 25, 2011, 03:07 PM

The fact that he's quitting smoking is quite relevant. It is a stressful period while he is bucking that addiction. I think this is probably the main solution. He is not really going to be in the mood and it isn't going to be no fault.

As well, don't project your own insecurities onto the relationship. Trust him when he tells you how good you look. I don't think he will notice nor care if you have a little bit extra on your stomach. You do yourself an injustice thinking like that.

I know this is deviating a little from the original topic but you just tweaked me. You've got some self-esteem/image issues that you might want to take a look at. I say this because you seem to think that this relationship hinges on how you look and if you are a hot enough for your boyfriend.

Please take a look inside yourself and consider what you are doing and more importantly WHY you are doing it. Don't be doing anything because you're afraid he'll leave. You're too good for that.

I am sorry if I misinterpreted your response.

With regard to your boyfriend. Just be supportive and be there. This is probably the hardest thing he has done. It will get better.

Helpful_guy · Jul 25, 2011, 10:53 PM

I smoke and it never affected sex!! We are married for 4 years and we dated 3 years before marriage. We are doing it regularly but there is a lot of hard work there. We regularly travel to keep things interesting. I still treat her as I used to when we were dating at least I try to this really helps. Never take any thing for granted!! Try to spice up your life a little... go on a romantic vacation. Compliment him!! Before I could carry my girlfriend now I can't but I never let her know that... don;t want her to know that she is not any more 23!! Try to flirt with him!! See if it has any reaction.. cheers

JudyKayTee · Jul 26, 2011, 07:11 AM

Originally Posted by Helpful_guy

I smoke and it never affected sex!!! We are married for 4 years and we dated 3 years before marriage. We are doing it regularly but there is a lot of hard work there. We regularly travel to keep things interesting. I still treat her as I used to when we were dating at least I try to this really helps. Never take any thing for granted!!! try to spice up ur life a little...go on a romantic vacation. Compliment him!!!! Before I could carry my gf now I can't but I never let her know that......don;t want her to know that she is not any more 23!!!!! try to flirt with him!!! see if it has any reaction..cheers

Now I'm confused - you seem concerned about your marriage and "romance" over here - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...ge-589292.html

Helpful_guy · Jul 26, 2011, 10:32 AM

Well... I thought we were going to cuddly stage.. YOU cleared that notion.. no problem!! I was thinking why the sex is reducing that's all... apart from that no problem... also she is not into longer sessions... so I am coming to terms that marriage eventually slows down sex life. It's not worry its realisation! I am not even sad and worried for marriage... just sex slowed down not vanished... we are a long way from even cuddly stage!! We stay in Asia not USA... lots of free time at hand!! Family business helps not to worry about jobs!!

Edited for chat speak