We have been together for more than a year now. I can swear she is the perfect girl for me and she loves me a lot too.
It is three years now since she broke up with her ex.
First I would tell myself it is natural to take time to settle down. Even with all the love I can give her, sometimes I get troubled with the way she has mood swings when she recalls her past. 'He was the wrong person to have fallen in love with', and she 'broods over her past', she tells me. Certain music playing or anything related to him would make her fall back into gloom.
I asked her to share her feelings and memories with me, which make her sad. But she won't, says I will get hurt. Recently, when I asked her to forget her past, she was hurt so I didn't probe any further.
This pinches me a lot that she has to live so much on her past. It particularly hurt me when she said,"I don't think I can put in my heart and soul into our relationship."...
Is it so difficult to get over the past? Would she ever forget him? Erase her memories? Would he always be a 'special Someone' for him. Or Is it perhaps that she is still in love with him unknowingly?

It doesn't sound as though she is over the last relationship. It would be understandable for her to think about it now and then, but not to the point of still causing her so much pain.

Her focus should be on you and your relationship together.

You could ask her if she felt talking to someone else might help her get passed it. Perhaps she would talk to a friend or a counselor. There is nothing wrong with letting her know how this is effecting you and the relationship you have with her, and that you would like to help her move on so that the two of you can continue to build what you have started.

At some point you may have to decide whether she even wants to try to get over it or if she is stuck. She may just need more time and you will need to decide whether you want to be there while she takes it.

Did she have other relationships in between the ex of three years and getting together with you?

It seems she's never properly healed from that break up.

You also mention mood swings,are they long lasting?

No she wasn't into any relationships... Its Longer than 1 year with 'us'. We started going around 6 months after her break-up. That makes us more than 2 years now, ( 1 year since we commit ed)

Sometimes her mood swings last for a night, and every-time she tells me that she is perhaps going to need some time... etc etc. Afterwards she would apologize for the agony she is causing me with her mood swings

Hello Tony.

Funnily, I registered especially to comment here after reading your thread out of boredom. Because I happen to be in a relationship with a beautiful girl who is -like you- also troubled by my own past from an old relationship I was in.

Let me tell you this: Having a romantic past interfering with my present relationship is not something controlable. I find it very understanding and thoughtful of my current girlfriend whenever she acknowledges my past and understands how I feel. I can say that having a caring spouse [gf/bf] who understands and accepts the other mate's past, will actually help fading this troubled. I say that from my own experience.

When we get too romantic at times, and I feel uneasy suddenly, my girlfriend pats my back and kisses me with a smile on her face. She knows about my past because I made it clear for her that I'm still struggling from an old relationship. She is managing it beautifully by supporting me so I could forget it. I don't think fighting your spouse's past or forcing it to vanish irrationally is the best choice.

If you want to help your mate forgiving an old scar, help by loving her and caring. You cannot just ask a person to forget their past. You can remind your girl that she is still loved and treasured no matter what, and you are willing to support her by being next to her. It will make her comfortable again to open her heart widely to you and see that it is okay to really let someone in again.

"Nothing takes care of an old love like a new one".

I wish you good luck, mate.

If you are going to thrive, and survive with this girl, you are going to have to cope with those mood swings, whenever they happen, or whatever causes them.

She is weak. After three years she should have learned to control her emotions by now. But the reality of the situation is that she hasn't. So this gives you two options. One is that you can learn to deal with those feelings she is getting, it is best to just ignore her while she is having these "flashes" in her brain. Or, you can break up with her and find someone who will make you the main thing on her mind instead of an ex boyfriend. And don't EVER tell a girl to share her emotions with you because that can only result badly, it will either make you feel bad about how she sees this other man, it might make her relive her past in her mind more vividly, or both.

Good Luck,
Javi