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    munshkin's Avatar
    munshkin Posts: 14, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 5, 2011, 03:11 AM
    Why am I so paranoid and jealous!
    I'm not going to tell you I'm not generally the jealous type because that would be a lie, but I can say that I normally have my jealousy under control. I'm dating a guy who doesn't think like other guys (at least not the guys I normally meet) he loves me and just me. He isn't attracted to other women and I know I can trust him but when we talk I interrogate him and I don't treat him the way I should. We have been dating for five months and about two and a half years ago we dated for ten. The first time we went out he was different in a bad way and now he's changed and he's like a new person and sometimes I wonder if it's really him or and image that he portrays far too well. I do believe it's really him but I can't help but question it, and I know that he loves me and that he wouldn't leave me but when there is another being (he's straight but I get jealous of his guy friends as well) I go crazy and I don't know why if I know that he has no interest in them, not in that way. It's strange I'm not afraid that he is going to leave me or even consider it yet I get overly insecure. I don't think that he is going to cheat on me either or even stare at another girl but I still become extremely jealous. Why am I this way?
    KBC's Avatar
    KBC Posts: 2,550, Reputation: 487
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Apr 5, 2011, 03:53 PM
    Insecure in your own skin.

    The self doubt in your life makes others seem like they,too,should be doubted.

    I would work on yourself and the way you handle(cope) with trust issues.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #3

    Apr 6, 2011, 06:10 AM
    If you don't know why you are jealous of him, other than you know you don't have anything to be jealous about, then the problem is with your perception of him not being trustworthy, isn't his problem, it's yours.

    Any relationship will burn out quickly when one party is subject to unfounded accusations.

    You need to change your thinking.

    When you have a thought about him being dishonest, or untrustworthy, instead of finding reasons to justify it, and going down that slippery slope of ruminating about it until it explodes, deal with the thought.

    Stop yourself, and ask yourself, what is it I am afraid of. What has caused me to think this way. Accept the thought (he spent time with so and so, or what ever it may be), and find another answer, instead of building a case of condemnation against him. Find the thought that triggers the subsequent action, before it gets out of hand.

    If he says he's going out with his friends, and you get that familiar feeling of 'something more is going on here', before you respond to him, ask yourself some simple questions. Does him going out with his friends mean anything other than he's going out with his friends? Do you have reason to believe that his actions are going to affect your relationship with him? Is his going out going reason for you to presume, and/or assume he's up to no good?

    If the answers clearly add up to 'no's' and no 'yes's', stop yourself right there from making a mountain out of a molehill. Direct your insecurities instead to allowing what you have reasoned to be non threatening or harmful in any way, instead to doing something else while he is gone. When he comes home accept that what you have reasoned yourself, will happen, and that nothing is wrong, and congratulate yourself for having control over your thoughts.

    Each time you stop a negative, unfounded thought, you will free yourself from the grief of not allowing yourself to trust him, and he will realize that even the simplest actions on his own, aren't subject to interrogation.

    It takes work, but just remember, if you have the ability to put a whole story behind anything he does that is always negative, you also have the ability to change your focus, deal with the thought, and direct it in a different, more realistic way.
    ajwain's Avatar
    ajwain Posts: 55, Reputation: 11
    Junior Member
     
    #4

    Apr 14, 2011, 11:11 AM
    Change your thinking otherwise you will lose him.. you need to give some space to your partner if you truly love him.. you trust him so what's d prob?he can't stick around you throut life.. may be you are more doubtful about yourself. Check it out.
    ajwain's Avatar
    ajwain Posts: 55, Reputation: 11
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Apr 15, 2011, 12:41 AM
    Oh I don't think ill lose him we've been together before and he really let me down and left I moved on and then right out of the blue he comes back and want another chance and now he wants to stick around for good and yes I trust him because I believe in him and I'm more independent than he is

    Well you already have all answers to your questions!

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