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    wsgirl7's Avatar
    wsgirl7 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 28, 2011, 11:40 AM
    My 6 year old daughter has been inappropriately touched by my 8 year old Niece
    I don't know how to feel about this, so I am asking for help. About 3 months ago, my husband caught my then 7 year old niece touching my daughters private parts. My sister and I talked to both girls and explained that this was inappropriate touching and we thought it was settled. This last weekend, my father asked to have the girls over to visit since it is spring break. My husband talked to my daughter about it and she said she did not want to go to Papa's. This is very unusual as she loves him very much. He talked to her and found out that when my niece and daughter were at Papa's, my niece told my daughter she wanted to play "boyfriend and girlfriend" and was laying on top of my daughter and kissing her, and doing humping motions. My father is taking care of my step-mother who is in the final stages of Alzheimer's, and can't watch them every second. I think it happened when they were supposed to be going to bed in the spare room, where there are 2 beds, one for each girl. Now I don't know how to approach my sister because she gets very defensive about the raising of her daughter because she is a single mom. I don't want to cut my niece out of my life either, she is so young still and I don't think she understands the damage she is doing to my daughter. Now my father is very down that my daughter doesn't want to come over to visit, but should I tell him as it happened in his house? I am so conflicted right now because I was molested by my uncle from the ages of 7 to 9 and it has had a life long effect on me. Help!
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #2

    Mar 28, 2011, 12:08 PM

    Your daughters safely is first and foremost, no matter who it offends.

    Talk to her about what happened, and then whether you like it or not something is going on with your niece and it needs to be brought to your sisters attention.

    This is the second occasion where both girls have been acting out sexual behaviour, its beyond a case of being curious about their bodies.

    In particular I would be quite worried about your niece as from your post she 'set up' the situation playing boyfriend and girlfriend, the kissing and humping, at the very least she has witnessed the act somewhere else.

    Now that you know I would seriously talk to your sister about this and if she does not listen I would take it further.

    This is not your nieces fault, keep that very much in mind she is 7 and needs to be protected if something is going on.
    wsgirl7's Avatar
    wsgirl7 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Mar 28, 2011, 12:30 PM
    My husband talked to my sister this weekend and I she made it out as if it was no big deal. I do think it is a VERY big deal. I sent her a text asking to get together to talk about what is going on with the girls and she responded with "what is going on now", like the matter is over. It is not. I have talked to her as well and she is very defensive about her daughter. She claims that my niece is denying everything except the kissing part. The problem is my niece has a problem with lying, and my daughter is very upfront and honest with me. Why would she make something like this up? The only sexual behavior I have seen from her is he being curious about her body. Now she is scared to to go over to Papa's house "because it will happen again".
    irby85's Avatar
    irby85 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Mar 30, 2011, 08:53 AM
    What ever you do listen to your daughter. Never make her go over there if she is uncomfortable. Sounds like maybe the niece either was molested or was allowed to be a witness to sexual behavior... which I believe a crime in most places. You need to get your niece help. She might be being molested now. If the mom won't listen get an authority involved. I was molested for years and there was signs if someone had noticed them. Maybe this acting out is the niece asking for help.hope this helps
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #5

    Mar 31, 2011, 12:42 PM

    You don't have to explain your decisions as a parent to anyone. No family sleep overs for your duaghter, no alone time for your daughter with your niece - plan get togethers where you can provide total supervision. Your sister may not like it, your father may not like it, but too bad.

    If you discuss it with your sister again ,focus on concern for her daughter rather than outrage at what she's done. She's 8 - this is not her fault. Somewhere, someone is doing or saying or showing her something inappropriate and you are correct that your sister should be taking it more seriously. Make clear that you are not judging or mad at your niece, but you do have to make sure it doesn't happen again for your daughter and are also worried about her daughter, and how she knows about these things.

    That's really all you can do.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #6

    Apr 1, 2011, 07:25 AM
    I agree with all the posts on this situation.

    Your only obligation is to your daughter. Your husband saw what he saw, nobody is making this up, and you don't need to question that inappropriate behaviour has gone on with your daughter.

    I think you've done all the right things in bringing this out in the open, and given your sister a heads' up that her daughter needs her to reinforce the no contact rule, and what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. What she chooses to do, or not to do, is in her hands, and I would leave it at that.

    As to your father. I think he needs to know the reason why you are not letting your child visit in his home. Just say simply that there is a problem between the two girls. YOu don't need to say anything else.

    Let him know that he is welcome to come to your home anytime to visit, as is your niece, but the children have to be supervised 100% of the time, and visits between them will be set up in advance, and monitored. That way you are not severing any family relationships, you are only modifying them to ensure the safety of your daughter.

    No explanation required further than that.
    And33raf's Avatar
    And33raf Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Mar 29, 2012, 09:17 AM
    I am in kind of the same situation My daughter (6 yrs old) said that my nephew who is also 6 put is hands in her pants. We have the same drama. They have 4 boys they can't control and then they get pissy when someone tries to discipline her kids. What do I do?
    yfranco's Avatar
    yfranco Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Apr 5, 2012, 10:59 AM
    All of this is so confusing and conflicting to me. I am in a very similar situation and worry about tearing my daughter from all my family because of an incident that occurred. Difference is that my baby is 3 and doesn't comprhend that what happened was wrong. We had a 10 yr old relative clean her after she peed and went back and forth with the toilet paper. In my daughters words. Also confronted the parents and 10 yr old. Got appoligized to. Now do I keep her from my family which will include everyone. Because this means holidays, birthdays, everything. Is this hurting her more? Or is it hurting her more for her to be near this 10 yr old individual. Definitely has been made clear that all my family is now involved in keeping children in sight at all times according to my mother, grandmother, aunt and uncle. But is that enough? Will her emotions take a toll? Or am I over reacting? My family is concerned that I will take my kids from them and sadly they are right. If I decide against her being around this child it will change the relationship with everyone in my family and my kids and I worry that that might hurt her also. I guess I understand your frustration and worry.
    Monica2005's Avatar
    Monica2005 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    May 23, 2012, 07:20 PM
    I don't know what to do u jut found out today that my 7 year old daughter and my 8 year OK niece have been kissing and toching each other! My daughter says that she would say no but my nices is saying the same thing what do I do?
    lareese's Avatar
    lareese Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Jun 5, 2012, 01:09 PM
    @yfranco-How have you delt with the situation? I have just had the same kind of situation my Daughter is 3 the boy is 6-I walked in the room they were under the bed his hand down the back of her pants :( Very disturbing to me-The next day she started asking about her fathers "bumbum" but pointing to his penis-She has NEVER done this before-I have been speaking to her about her private parts she knows what and were they are and that others are not suppose to touch them but I have never discussed or shown her the male genitals-Now she knows and I feel she will be more curious. I am a total mess at this point at this point-I will be speaking with the boys mother this weekend but I am choosing to sever our relationships-I know kids are kids but the boy is twice my daughters age and I feel he has used this to influence her. Sad mother having extreme anxiety I don't want to make the situation worse for us.
    upsetmomfriend's Avatar
    upsetmomfriend Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Jul 10, 2012, 03:43 AM
    This room has been very helpful, as I too, just last night, was informed by my 5 year old daughter that a 9 year old boy had "touched her", or rubbed on her genitals. She just turned 5 and he is like a brother to her, as I am best friends with his mother. Obviously, the safety of my daughter is first. The issues are that no one witnessed the event (which he denies), and that I don't at all want to cut ties with my best friend, who is as appalled as I am about the situation. Things will be very awkward, though, seeing as how we will not want our daughter to be around the boy. I am such a wreck right now, however. I don't want this incident to sever our relationship, but I must be concerned and protect my daughter... does this kind of thing ever get solved and rectified?
    Thunder71's Avatar
    Thunder71 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Jul 17, 2012, 01:38 PM
    I'm going through this now too... my nephew (12 year old boy) has now inappropriately touched my 5 year old girl and now my 9 year old girl. His grandparents (my parents) are taking care of him and deny the whole thing and don't want to hurt his feelings by punishing him.

    I'm at such a loss as to what to do. I know for certain that there will be no more unsupervised visits and absolutely no more overnight stays.

    I feel to terrible for what has happened to my girls and don't want them to think this is OK or 'normal'.
    jfred_mugs's Avatar
    jfred_mugs Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Sep 16, 2012, 01:26 PM
    I think there is a big difference in kids being curious and being inappropriate. I totally understand that this is a big deal as I was molested as a child by a child older than myself while my mother and I were visiting. It happened for quite some time until I finally said something. I think the best thing to do is when you talk with you kids make sure you are clear that anyone touching them there is not OK, either adult or child boy or girl. Also a lot of times we let our kids play in rooms and don't check on them unless we hear fighting. We should check on them often just to see what's up and not always let them know we are there, maybe just listen outside the room or in the hall . Also no closed doors even with same sex children playing. We also need to remember that just because a child is acting out a sexual situation doesn't always mean sexual abuse, Have you seen TV today? Nothing but sexual content. My 8 yr old daughter asked me if I could look up katy perry and when I did I was shocked at some o f the songs. We don't listen to that stuff and very rarely watch cable TV. She heard it at a family members house. Plus there is school and the bus an the playground. You can't protect your children 100% of the time, you just have to educate them and intill values in them so they can be prepared out there. I also think if you over react in a negative way you can give your children the wrong idea about sex and their body's and it can have a negative effect and do more harm. Just be careful and be ready because all children get curious about their body's and others bodies as well. It is natural if approached in a positive way. I have told my daughter that she is the only one allowed to look or tough herself and that it is a private thing not to be shared. I don't want her to feel ashamed.
    AndreaG's Avatar
    AndreaG Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Nov 5, 2012, 03:10 PM
    I feel sick... I can't take this feeling I can't let it go she is my baby what doi
    leef's Avatar
    leef Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Nov 14, 2012, 03:38 AM
    Jack haslam loves willy
    leef's Avatar
    leef Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Nov 14, 2012, 03:39 AM
    You are some sick s
    leef's Avatar
    leef Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Nov 14, 2012, 03:40 AM
    S
    leef's Avatar
    leef Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    Nov 14, 2012, 03:41 AM
    Love little children <3

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