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linda4491 · Feb 8, 2011, 08:25 PM

My son is an alcoholic that has been through recovery. He is home only four weeks, drinking again, and has moved into my bedroom. I have twin beds; he took over one of the beds and refuses to get out. This is absolutely disgusting; I want him out of my house. He has no respect for me. I don't want him sleeping in my bedroom even if it's on the floor. He has taken money from me under false pretenses. He never lives up to the rules of the household. How do I have him removed from my home? I want him removed from my life, unless he shows some respect that I'm his mother, and this is my house, not his house, and obeys the rules of the house – which includes “no drinking”. He curses, spills food, falls over furniture, and drinks in my house. I'm constantly cleaning up after him. I am 66 he is 28 and I don't know what to do? Do I call the police and have him physically removed?

brit_h · Feb 8, 2011, 08:32 PM

You're a 66 years old.. you should not have to put up with that! I don't want to put anything on him but if you don't handle it now, it could get out of hand. If he will not listen to you or any family member, then I say calling the police is the only way. I do not know how abusive he is but protect yourself and be safe! Hope I helped you!

pready · Feb 8, 2011, 08:33 PM

I would call the police and have charges filed against him and have him evicted.

sam8988378 · Feb 26, 2011, 12:05 PM

This may not be enough. He could become enraged and attack her. There certainly have been enough instances in the news where this has happened. She needs an order of protection.

sam8988378 · Feb 26, 2011, 12:14 PM

You are in danger. He may become physically abusive. You've seen signs of this and admit you feel threatened by him. Where do you live? In New York City, the District Attorneys' office has a division which focuses on elder abuse. It was created for situation exactly like yours. Go to the telephone book and call the DA's office and ask to speak with someone about elder abuse (sometime when he is away). There are so many details to ensure your future safety, that they most likely will assign you a caseworker who specializes in problems such as yours. I cannot stress enough that by no means should you deal with this on your own and try to evict him. Addicts are unpredictable, and sometimes violent. Don't think of him as your son, because the addiction has taken him over. Please write back and let us know how it is going.

cdad · Feb 26, 2011, 12:31 PM

Call the police but don't tell him you have called. Say nothing until they arrive. Let them handle it. If you threaten it then it can caus problems. If he says anything in front of them then you have a automatic case for a restraining order because you have witnesses. Don't place yourself in danger. Lets the police do their work.

brightmoon · Mar 1, 2011, 06:31 AM

I live in Mississauga (Ont.) Cananda & have same problem. My son(elder) is 23 years. I have husband & another son, living together. This elder son has become a big bully. He threatens & even physically assaults us three. He is neither moving. He is extremely irresponsible & time wasting man. If we want to talk with him any matter for example: being late (30 minutes to job everyday) or making mess everywhere in the home. He does not let us sleep, plays game, talk loudly over game/phone. Sleeps at 6 in the morning.If try to talk to him, he starts calling names(so dirty I ashamed to tell), yelling even physically attacks. We don't want to ruin his career, future that's why we don't call police. Ironically, he is preparing to join police. But now he has done excess. We don't know what to do.He refuses to move. Is there any way out without involving cops?

brightmoon · Mar 1, 2011, 06:31 AM

I live in Mississauga (Ont.) Cananda & have same problem. My son(elder) is 23 years. I have husband & another son, living together. This elder son has become a big bully. He threatens & even physically assaults us three. He is neither moving. He is extremely irresponsible & time wasting man. If we want to talk with him any matter for example: being late (30 minutes to job everyday) or making mess everywhere in the home. He does not let us sleep, plays game, talk loudly over game/phone. Sleeps at 6 in the morning.If try to talk to him, he starts calling names(so dirty I ashamed to tell), yelling even physically attacks. We don't want to ruin his career, future that's why we don't call police. Ironically, he is preparing to join police. But now he has done excess. We don't know what to do.He refuses to move. Is there any way out without involving cops?

CaliforniaLady · May 7, 2012, 12:38 PM

No - you need to call the police and get a restraining order to keep him away from your house. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before things get better. He is an adult - there are shelters he can go to. Stop putting your health and your other family member's health in jeopardy. My sister is an abuser to my mom in NY. I have called the police on her 2x but my mother will not press charges. She calms down after awhile but then she's at it again - my mother is 90 years old!! She does not need to go through this. I am taking the suggestion of the other person who responded and I am calling the NYC DA's office and I am going to report her. Enough is enough. She is out of control.

basha0810 · Aug 8, 2012, 04:47 PM

Until you are your sister or until you are your mother, you will never ever know what they are going through. We could sit here all day long and talk about what other people should do like calling the police, etc. but that's easier said than done. It's also easier to sit back and be a judge and jury and get in between what is going on but all you will do is cause more problems. There is a dysfunction between those two that only they know about. It takes one of them voluntarily leaving and making the changes in order for things to stop otherwise you are employing an attorney and neighbors will get sick of the police cars. Is this how you want to live? Buy a second place for your mother or rent her a small apartment and then secretly move her out to a location that is unknown and then since YOU'VE done all of this, you must watch and caretake your mother and not abandon her. That's the biggest problem with people that get involved who have no business. They leave when it's over when they should stick around and continue the help.

basha0810 · Aug 8, 2012, 04:49 PM

Originally Posted by CaliforniaLady

No - you need to call the police and get a restraining order to keep him away from your house. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before things get better. He is an adult - there are shelters he can go to. Stop putting your health and your other family member's health in jeopardy. My sister is an abuser to my mom in NY. I have called the police on her 2x but my mother will not press charges. She calms down after awhile but then she's at it again - my mother is 90 years old!!! She does not need to go thru this. I am taking the suggestion of the other person who responded and I am calling the NYC DA's office and I am going to report her. Enough is enough. She is out of control.

I speak to you CaliforniaLady with regard to your sister and your mother and not to the individual that originally wrote in.