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    ReneeDR's Avatar
    ReneeDR Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 13, 2010, 11:00 PM
    Daughter cuts off all communication, won't let me see my grandson. How do I cope?
    Back in April, I was diagnosed with cancer. Got it all, but I do have health problems. Never the one to want to be down for too long, I went back to school for my degree and actually just finished and got my degree. Around April, my daughter asked if she and my grandson could move in with me for awhile. Of course, whatever you need, was my reply. I drove over an hour to get her and her son. All the while, I'm in school full time and doing 12-hour rotations at the hospital, also an hour away. On top of this, I am having surgery for the removal of the cancer, and dealing with my other health conditions. (One being I have an insulin pump that I'm still getting used to). Anyway, I loved having them both here. I got to see my grandson's beautiful face every day. It was pure heaven. I love him more than life itself. I would play with him, bring him hotwheels, Toy Story stuff, watch movies together, and read lots and lots. On one occasion, after getting some bad results from my surgery, I kind of locked myself in my room to cry and have a little pity party. Few months later, my daughter tells me suddenly that she's moving back with her boyfriend because she may have found a job there. Ok. I was supportive, told her that I would miss her and her son terribly. I ended up moving to a 1 bedroom apt next door to me because I have these school loans and no financial or any other kind of support from their father. (We divorced after 16 yrs of marriage). My daughter came to pick her mail up a few weeks later. That was the last I saw her and my grandson. I typically text 3-4 times a week just to let her know I am thinking of her and the baby (he's now 3). Never got a reply on the first text. So, I texted again... and again... and again. Nothing. That was in July. It's now December... nothing. I have heard from my other children that she thinks I am just toxic and negative. I was dumbfounded and awestruck when I heard this. I was dealing with cancer at the time. Really felt like she was kicking me while I was down. Getting up at 3 in the morning for my rotation, and not getting home until 8 in the evening. Losing patients, bagging patients, listening to patients as they're dying, etc. etc. etc. during my work day was exhausting, but I really do love what I do. It really makes me focus on the good I do have in my life. Despite all the health problems.
    I have been devastated by this. It feels as though they have died. I have my grandsons birthday gifts, halloween basket, etc. sitting in my living room. She won't let me give them to him. When she moved out she moved into a new apt with her ex and I don't have the address. She has threatened anyone who gives it to me that they too will no longer see the baby.
    I finished school and now have that "distraction" gone, so my whole focus has been them. I didn't get out of bed for 2 months, didn't shower for weeks. This is not like me. My daughter, "Hannah", emailed her and told her that she needs to stop this and at least tell me what's going on. Her reply was that she can't help me if I am going to act like a child and not take care of myself.
    She is my oldest daughter and I had her when I was 18, her and I had always been so close. The only thing I can think of is that she has done something that she is so embarrassed about that instead of telling me, she just cut me out. She has done this before. But, NEVER to me. I'm her mother for God's sake. I would NEVER do this to my mother. The people she IS allowing around her and my grandson are people who can "give" her things. Help pay for things. With me being in school now, I can no longer help with her phone bill, rent, car payment, etc. I remember telling her that her and the baby give me the strength to get up everyday and go to school or the hospital. That it won't always be this way. I will be working soon and our life will be better. Just to hang in there.
    Do I move on? I have tried to contact her. Her boyfriend. No reply. Nothing. Like I said, it's as though they have died. And it's killing me.
    I want to move on. I just don't want to move on without my child and grandchild. It doesn't feel right. I miss them more than I can even express.
    Apparently, from the rumor mill, she is telling people lies. Stupid things like I gave my grandson candy when she told me not to. My head is spinning. I feel as though I would be a horrible mother if I moved on without trying harder. I try almost everyday to find a way to them.
    This became so bad for me, that I went for some mental health help. I have been so far down that I have literally felt suicidal. I am embarrassed by this, but it is the truth.
    I do feel better after writing this, and maybe I should just move on. After all, I can't force her to want to be a part of my life. I am just so devastatingly hurt by this.
    bestbessie's Avatar
    bestbessie Posts: 45, Reputation: 10
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    #2

    Dec 30, 2010, 08:40 PM
    I am really sorry that no-one answered this even if only to acknowledge this situation and express sorrow at it.

    It doesn't sound like you are going to change much here at the moment. Do you think she knows about how much pain you're in? Have you been able to find a way to quietly and calmly tell her that you love and miss them both? That you don't understand what the issues are but want to at least be able to hear what they are so you can have a think about it?

    There's a danger area here as you flagged that she has a tendency to 'use' people, so don't let her blackmail you into parting with money or abusing your goodwill so that you can see your grandchild. It could get pretty tricky...

    I think going to get some mental health help is a great idea. If you can't talk to your daughter and you are grieving the loss of this relationship you are getting trapped in a cycle of unhappiness and compromising your health. You need to stay strong and healthy so if in the future they come back, you'll be there to greet them as a happy and thriving person. They are still alive and doing OK, remind yourself of this.

    You'll be OK, let yourself be sad because it's a sad situation, let the sad thoughts come and go but also be kind and patient with yourself. Good luck.
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    jenniepepsi Posts: 4,042, Reputation: 533
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    #3

    Dec 31, 2010, 09:35 AM
    I am also sorry that this has gone under the radar here.
    The only thing I can offer is a hug.
    I am 26, and recently cut my parents out of my daughters and I's lives because of abuse issues (against both of us) and I got tired of holding my crying 7 year old autistic daughter and trying to explain why life sometimes isn't fair and the people we love are jerks.

    That is clearly not the case here, and I am sorry this is happening. I am not sure what could be going on with your daughter. It could be 'hubby pressure' (similar to peer pressure but from a huasband) she may have a new boyfriend that is very controlling.
    Or it could be that she is simply so busy with life that she has forgotten. It sucks and it shouldn't happen but sometimes it can happen that we forget even the people we love.

    *hugs* I hope this gets worked out for you honey! Good luck!
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    briannat Posts: 10, Reputation: -1
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    #4

    Dec 31, 2010, 01:16 PM
    I'm am sorry you can always think of us as your other family we will always be there for you
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #5

    Dec 31, 2010, 06:10 PM

    There is really nothing you can do to force her to allow you to see the child. You need to get the child's things out of your front room, it can only cause you heart ache as you pass it all the time
    katt86's Avatar
    katt86 Posts: 144, Reputation: 9
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    #6

    Jan 1, 2011, 07:32 AM

    I would consider e-mailing her again and explain everything you think and feel, just let it all out, I would also advise seeking legal advice as if you can prov nothing was wrong with familiy life and that your daughter has just developed this attitude there is now a thing called grandparent rights which allows you to have some sort of access or contact ith your grandchildren. It may be something constructive for you to look into rather than getting worked up
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    momofdogs Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jan 12, 2011, 05:21 PM
    Dear Renee,
    I know exactly how you are feeling as I am going through the same thing myself. My grandson is 10 years old, almost 11 and has been a part of my life all of his life. He came here twice a week until he went to school and almost every other weekend. During summer vacations and school vacations we spent time together doing all kinds of fun things like sledding, bowling, swimming, playing ball, crafts, movies, reading and museums for kids. My daughter in law and I had a disagreement and she has stopped all contact with us. This has been going on since February 2010 and I know how you feel that it feels like they are dead. I, too, have sought counciling and it has helped, but at the end of the day, he's gone with no contact at all. He was calling a few times this past summer, but cried once when I told him that I love and miss him and she got mad at me telling me that telling him that wasn't necessary that he already knows that. He has cried and begged to see us and she and my son don't get how hurt we all are about this. They won't sit down and talk and I have asked them repeatedly what I have done or said to make them so mad. I don't get any answers. All I can tell you is that your daughter played her trump card first, that being taking your grandson away from you. She cannot hurt you again... Ever. She's already broken your heart and there isn't anything in the world that she can do to you again that will hurt you as much. My son goes along with her to get along and it won't be long before he sees that this won't work for long. People who use their children as weapons to hurt others will get it all back in the end as we all know that what goes around comes around. Your daughter and my son and daughter in law are teaching their children that when you get angry with your parents-----you throw them away!! That's a lesson that I'm sure will come back around someday. After all, children learn what they live. I have seen several situations here on the net where this is done to grandparents every day and it's WRONG. I would never have done this to my mother and if I had she would have given me a piece of her mind for sure. Today, if you say the wrong thing, you end up in court with a restraining order on you, something none of us need. I wish you all of the luck with your health and career. Try to hang in there and know that you are NOT ALONE. I'm paddling the same boat as you are and it's times that I feel that I'm sinking, I try to reach out to someone else and offer them comfort. That's what I am doing now for you and am sending you the biggest hug you have ever had. Good luck to you. Sure wish I could talk to you about all of this. It consumes me with sadness and with hopes that someday my grandson will be back in my life. Don't forget, we won't always need permission to see them when they are all grown up with lives of their own. Take care of yourself so when the day comes that your grandson comes back, you will be there for him. If you want to leave a message on my message, I will check back to see if you reply.
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    momofdogs Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Jan 13, 2011, 06:58 AM
    Dear Renee,
    I responded to your post yesterday and wanted to add a few more thoughts that I hope are helpful to you. I, too, thought of suicide when it became apparent that I couldn't see my grandson anymore. I always thought people who do that were selfish and weak. I learned not to be so judgemental when it comes to topics that I don't know anything about because suicide would take away all of the pain that I have felt. I never understood such a feeling of desperation until they took him away from me. This is NOT the answer as it would NOT solve anything and would make more problems in the future for your grandson. It's very, very sad that your daughter and my son and his wife have made some really damaging and really terrible decisions, but they will live with those decisions for the rest of their lives. Don't expect any empathy from your daughter. Don't expect any understanding from your daughter. Don't expect any compassion or sympathy. It won't happen. She will have to walk a mile in your shoes for her to know what you have been through and what you feel. She, as well as my son and his wife, are hurting their own child and are either too stupid to see it or don't care. I have Christmas gifts here unopened and am going to keep them here until. Until I see him again. I make him cards for all of the occasions, (Valentines Day, Birthday, Halloween, Christmas, etc.) and will give them to him when I see him again. I have a longer history with my grandson than you do as mine is almost 11 years old where yours is only three. But your grandson will be back, just be patient. I have written a journal for my grandson to read and have been active for many years keeping scrapbooks containing all of the pictures and stories about the times we have shared. Maybe it would be nice if you could do something like that as a legacy for him to have when he's a grown man. The old saying, "If they knew better they would do better" applies here to your daughter and to my son and his wife, the problem is that by the time they "know better" it will be too late--damage done and not to be reversed. I don't forgive mine and don't worry about offering any forgiveness either. How can we forgive when they aren't done hurting us? Just try to do the best you can for today. And worry about tomorrow when it gets here. Keep going to your counciling sessions and be nice to yourself. Surround yourself with people who care about you and know that there is someone sitting here in your corner writing this to you. I'm trying to share what has taken me almost a full year to learn and it is my hope that I have helped you. And remember, you are not alone. This internet holds literally thousands of people who are in the same boat. Hugs and hugs to you.
    dw's Avatar
    dw Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Jul 10, 2011, 07:05 AM
    Renee,
    I don't have an answer for you, but I feel you pain, as I am in a similar boat. My 3 grandchildren have been taken away from me because the new step mother thinks I should take her children and leave my grandchildren crying because they can't go with me. I have kept my grandchildren 5-6 days a week for the past 2 years and as soon as the new mother moves in I'm not allowed to see them anymore. I have taken her kids and whatever I do is not good enough for her, because she can tell I don't love hers as much. I've tried to explain that love takes time, it's to the point now that I resent her and her children because they are weapons to keep me away from my grandchildren. Even though she and my son purchased a new home last October and I made the down payment for them.
    Since they got moved in have been allowed no contact with my grandchildren. I don't know what to do and have also felt life is not worth living without them. I am just going to keep praying that God will find a solutin for us both.
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    luv2shop.248 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Jul 13, 2011, 04:09 PM
    I am so sorry for your loss. I too have a daughter, who is 28 and for 2 years my granddaughter was with me A lot. I watched her for at least 5 days a week and more if my daughter needed me. I was away from my house 13 hrs. a day just to help her. I am married and have a 13 year old step son whom we have 4 out of 7 days a week. My daughter lived 20 min. away from me and decided to move further (even though it made me drive about 90 miles a day just to watch my grandchild). But I did it for both of them! Then without telling me she took a job offer in Indianapolis, Indiana (we are from Michigan and the other grandparents live in Indy). She hasn't been with the father of the baby since our 2 1/2 year old grandchild was 4 months old (too much pressure on him to care for his other 2 kids from a previous marriage=who by the way he just moved back in with cause he lost his condo=oh and they are not together(yeah right). They needed my help for over two years and I did everything for her and my grandchild and I didn't mind, I loved it. Even when I was tired I would do things just for her. Mama, will you do my grocery shopping? Mama, will you move me into a dog building (and I did, exactly 2 months before she moved to indy), Mama, the dog needs to go to the vet, mama, mama, mama, But I did it... Then, she cut me off totally because I found out she was moving to those people (the other grandparents) who have only seen my grandchild maybe 8 times, was never around for anything special like birthday or whatever and they were always invited and even welcomed to stay here. I sent pictures of our grandchild growing, video's... they responded at first but then NOTHING... so I have to assume that they were told lies of some sort and gave her a way to stay at home with my grandchild and just have her sit at home. NOT in this day and age. She had a great job, and I mean great! Free rent, everything. The only bills she had were utilities and the new car she just got a month before the move. She is an apartment complex manager. Made more money than GM people ever thought of... Nobody gets that anymore. Needless to say, I haven't seen or spoken to my daughter in over 2 months. I miss my little grandchild (we had a very special bond and everyone could tell she loved me and my husband===Mimi and papa is what she called us). I cry every time I go near her room, I can't seem to undo it yet... I've bought paint and stuff but can't bring myself to do it. I have heard through family and friends that she has taken my sister off her Facebook also (so no pictures forthcoming either). She totally deserted her life here to go to strangers. She has said to people that I am depressing (ok, I am the fun one that rolls down hills with my granddaughter, takes her sledding, to gymboree, etc), While she is on the phone talking or texting to the awful father of her child that does nothing but give her a line of crap. He came to visit a few times but all he wanted was sex from my daughter is what she told me so a few times he went back early. I really think my daughter has psychological issues here. I know she is moody but we were soooo close. Talked everyday and texted, pictures, etc throughout the day. I always was there and so was she. Someone tell me what the heck happened. I am on the verge of totally hating my own daughter. I don't want to see her. This hurts too bad. I want to see my grandchild whom has not hurt me but given me joy. I used to have that with my daughter but how can a person that claimed you were her best friend do this to their own mama. Mine would have knocked me senseless! Michigan does not have a grandparents rights law, I have checked cause I would take her to court and make her bring that baby back at least once a month (without her to hold my hand=so to speak). I always did what she asked me to do in disipling, etc. So that was not an issue either. Someone explain these kids today to me, I totally am lost here
    tb85331's Avatar
    tb85331 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Aug 17, 2011, 03:13 PM
    Rene, I could almost write your posting. I'm exactly there but this is with my oldest daughter (I have two) and her firstborn daughter, my first grandchild. She was born on 7/31 and I wasn't called. I have seen a picture but she won't even talk to me. I know the reasons and there are two of them. First, she has borderline personality disorder - look it up --sounds like your daughter may have it too. And, secondly she asked me to do a background check on the man she married 2 years before she married him. It didn't come back as good as she hoped and I told her hands down she shouldn't marry him--but she did anyway. He is a lazy good for nothing used car salesman type. She has a college education but she really liked the money he flashed around - before the economic downturn. Now, he doesn't even have a job. Their home was foreclosed and at 7 months pregnant, they had to move into an apartment. I just look at my grand daughters picture and I cry. I haven't even met her but I love her. My daughter is very evil and for some reason or some how she has turned her younger sister against us. Honestly, I don't have a clue on that one. I cry every day and I don't know how I'm going to make it through this. It hurts so much. Good luck to you.
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    chloenic2012 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Nov 20, 2011, 10:14 PM
    Sorry to everyone that doesn't get to see their grandchildren,I'm in the same place right now but thankfully here in Australia the family law courts consider that we grandparents have a special role in these children's lives and give grandparents access rights.My son and his girlfriend were served with notice last week to give me access to my granddaughter they've 14 days to respond or go to court,meanwhile its heartbreaking and devastating that our own children do this to us for no other reason than to be spitefull.
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    lovefromafar Posts: 2, Reputation: 0
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    #13

    Jan 24, 2012, 04:55 PM
    A lot of these young adults today are narcissistic or have personality issues. My husband and I face the same issues and have gotten a lot of help from NAMI which can be googled for each state you live in for support meetings. These and groups like them will help you understand that these young adults very well my have mental health issues and help you deal on a daily basis. But, please remember that "our loved ones" will probably never except their disorder so please go to some kind of counseling for YOU!!
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    vapicc42 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Feb 4, 2012, 07:09 AM
    Wow, I have read all of the answers here and I too am flabbergasted at how our children act today with their kids. Irresponsible! I too have a 28 yr old daughter who (thank GOD) did not stay with the father of my grandchild he was a looser to say the least. My granddaughter is 2 yrs old will be 3 this year. I practically raised her as I took my daughter and my grandchild in as they didn't have a place to go or no money. Now I have sacrificed everything to watch over this baby and her needs. I have bent over backwards to protect the baby as my daughter loves to go out drinking and partying etc. When she comes home drunk she blames me now that the baby wants me more than her! Duh, I wonder why? While my daughter is out partying, or too lazy to get her *** out of bed to tend to her kid, or texting, or her friends are a priority not her kid, it kills me because someone has got to be there for the baby. Believe me there is a reason why 50 yr old individuals do not have babies, it's too much. I have rheumatoid arthritis and I am back in a Ph.D. program and I can't get anything done becaue I have to care for my 2 yr old granddaughter because my daughter can't she's helpless and doesn't use her brain. Now she calls me a control freak when I am only trying to do the right thing by her daughter. If it wasn't for me that poor child would be suffering. Sometimes I feel bad because I think I should step aside and let my daughter try and learn to be a mother, but I did that a couple of times and she has proved herself over and over that she is not and I am not going to stand by and watch my granddaughter suffer because of it. I feel bad for those of you who have posted your messages of your children taking that right for you all to see your grandchildren, but just remember what goes around comes around 10 fold and the same will happen to them if not worse with those babies get to be adults. I am sorry for all of the great grandparents out there. I didn't have a chance to see mine they died before I was born. I think if we just try and ignore our kids they way they ignored us then maybe they will come begging us to take care of the kids. Remember God is not asleep he is watching at how mean our children are treating us. I am catholic and one of the 10 commandments is: "Honor thy parents". God Bless you, it will get better you will see!
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    catsndogs61 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Mar 15, 2012, 11:31 PM
    I also am having the same problem. My son n law and my daughter cut me off or they are just showing me how unimportant I am to their family and my grandson. I am not needed. It is extremely difficult since my daughter and I have always been so close. I traveled about an hour to see my grandson in the hospital after he was born. I came back again the next day and my daughter and her husband and 3 day old new born son came and got some stuff at our house.They refused to take the baby things that I had bought for him which really hurt. I had to beg her to take the flowers that I had delivered in the hospital.She went home from the hospital with her mother n laws flowers and some others and had me take the flowers that I gave her and to top it all off they completely disrespected me and hurt my feelings beyond belief in front of their son and I did tell my daughter later how I felt about it in a very reasonable way. Since then most of my messages of any kind have been ignored. My daughter did answer a phone call but was too busy watching a movie to tell me how she and her son were doing. I was used to them treating me badly before, but some how I thought It would be different when the baby was born and I was his grandma.They have his family to go to so they do not need me at all what so ever. I also would never have ever done what they did to my mom.My daughter was the apple of my moms eye. My mom has always been a very big part of my daughters life and my daughter has always been my whole world. However my sister n law and brother were very cruel to my mom and I watched the agony that my mom had gone through so she could be with her grand kids. My brother went along with whatever his wife wanted and backed her up so he was just as bad. At one point she even got a lawyer and tried to fight for her grandmother rights when my sister n law refused to let her see the kids because my mom got tired of treating my sister n law like a queen while my sister n law treated my mom rotten. Sometimes it really just seems that life is just not fair. Being a grandmother for my mom was the most important thing in the world next to being a mother. My brother and sister n law used that to their full advantage. My mom would climb the highest mountain for her kids and grand kids and swim the deepest ocean even though she could not swim. She would do it for her kids and grandkids.She would drop everything to be there for her kids and grand kids. She was always there for them. At the end my mom had to say good bye to her grand kids(my brothers kids) because since my sister n law and brother were so mean to my mom the kids learned to be mean or at least the grandson. She could not take it anymore. So maybe it is not worth the fight. If daughters, sons, daughter/son n laws do not want to let the grand kids see the grandparents there is not a lot that can be done accept the shedding of many tears.From my experience of what my mom went through it is just not worth being treated badly by your own kids and maybe grand kids just to be able to be with them. I now realize that I do not want my children and grandchildren to learn that I am a nobody. My son n law is already trying to convince my daughter that so they can continue to walk all over me as I give them the highest respect and admiration. I have finally figured out that I do not need to be treated like that by people who I really love. It is in a way my fault that I never taught them to treat me right. So anyway life is too short to let kids use their parents as escape goats and if the grandparents dare to stand up for themselves they loose their grandparent rights. I say forget it and so be it. It is just not worth it in the long run. I have learned through the experience from what my mom went through, you just have to find a way to let it go and accept it.This is easier said than done. Give yourself time to heal. It must be very difficult for people like my mom and people on here who have developed a very close relationship with their grand kids where mine has been 3 days long and that is better, although I will be grieving 2 losses my daughter and my beautiful grandson that I can not have and maybe even my son n law although he is the culprit for my painful loss. I was so looking forward to having this beautiful new addition to our small family and now I have to deal with losing a lot of my already very small family. It is a shame that our own kids can be so cruel after all that we have done for them. We gave them the world just like my mom did for my brother and I and grand kids. I just do not understand how this can be, but life must go on and eventually we need to find a way to heal by being good to ourselves and taking good care of ourselves. Life is too short for so much misery. Good luck to all the broken hearted grandparents.May you be healed of your tremendous pain and emptiness of such a terrible loss.Take good care of yourselves and show yourselves some love you deserve it.
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    TiaMancini Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    May 9, 2012, 07:00 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ReneeDR View Post
    Back in April, I was diagnosed with cancer. Got it all, but I do have health problems. Never the one to want to be down for too long, I went back to school for my degree and actually just finished and got my degree. Around April, my daughter asked if she and my grandson could move in with me for awhile. Of course, whatever you need, was my reply. I drove over an hour to get her and her son. All the while, I'm in school full time and doing 12-hour rotations at the hospital, also an hour away. On top of this, I am having surgery for the removal of the cancer, and dealing with my other health conditions. (One being I have an insulin pump that I'm still getting used to). Anyway, I loved having them both here. I got to see my grandson's beautiful face every day. It was pure heaven. I love him more than life itself. I would play with him, bring him hotwheels, Toy Story stuff, watch movies together, and read lots and lots. On one occasion, after getting some bad results from my surgery, I kind of locked my self in my room to cry and have a little pity party. Few months later, my daughter tells me suddenly that she's moving back with her boyfriend because she may have found a job there. Ok. I was supportive, told her that I would miss her and her son terribly. I ended up moving to a 1 bedroom apt next door to me because I have these school loans and no financial or any other kind of support from their father. (We divorced after 16 yrs of marriage). My daughter came to pick her mail up a few weeks later. That was the last I saw her and my grandson. I typically text 3-4 times a week just to let her know I am thinking of her and the baby (he's now 3). Never got a reply on the first text. So, I texted again...and again...and again. Nothing. That was in July. It's now December...nothing. I have heard from my other children that she thinks I am just toxic and negative. I was dumbfounded and awestruck when I heard this. I was dealing with cancer at the time. Really felt like she was kicking me while I was down. Getting up at 3 in the morning for my rotation, and not getting home until 8 in the evening. Losing patients, bagging patients, listening to patients as they're dying, etc., etc., etc., during my work day was exhausting, but I really do love what I do. It really makes me focus on the good I do have in my life. Despite all the health problems.
    I have been devastated by this. It feels as though they have died. I have my grandsons birthday gifts, halloween basket, etc., sitting in my living room. She won't let me give them to him. When she moved out she moved into a new apt with her ex and I don't have the address. She has threatened anyone who gives it to me that they too will no longer see the baby.
    I finished school and now have that "distraction" gone, so my whole focus has been them. I didn't get out of bed for 2 months, didn't shower for weeks. This is not like me. My daughter, "Hannah", emailed her and told her that she needs to stop this and at least tell me what's going on. Her reply was that she can't help me if I am going to act like a child and not take care of my self.
    She is my oldest daughter and I had her when I was 18, her and I had always been so close. The only thing I can think of is that she has done something that she is so embarrassed about that instead of telling me, she just cut me out. She has done this before. But, NEVER to me. I'm her mother for God's sake. I would NEVER do this to my mother. The people she IS allowing around her and my grandson are people who can "give" her things. Help pay for things. With me being in school now, I can no longer help with her phone bill, rent, car payment, etc. I remember telling her that her and the baby give me the strength to get up everyday and go to school or the hospital. That it won't always be this way. I will be working soon and our life will be better. Just to hang in there.
    Do I move on? I have tried to contact her. Her boyfriend. No reply. Nothing. Like I said, it's as though they have died. And it's killing me.
    I want to move on. I just don't want to move on without my child and grandchild. It doesn't feel right. I miss them more than I can even express.
    Apparently, from the rumor mill, she is telling people lies. Stupid things like I gave my grandson candy when she told me not to. My head is spinning. I feel as though I would be a horrible mother if I moved on without trying harder. I try almost everyday to find a way to them.
    This became so bad for me, that I went for some mental health help. I have been so far down that I have literally felt suicidal. I am embarrassed by this, but it is the truth.
    I do feel better after writing this, and maybe I should just move on. After all, I can't force her to want to be a part of my life. I am just so devastatingly hurt by this.
    My daughter to has done the same with my grandson whose 4 had a row over a dog and she said I was a bad mother and never seeing my grandson my heart broken don't feel like living anymore
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #17

    May 9, 2012, 08:29 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by TiaMancini View Post
    my daughter to has done the same with my grandson whose 4 had a row over a dog and she said i was a bad mother and never seeing my grandson my heart broken dont feel like living anymore

    Have you tried to talk to your daughter? What kind of argument over a dog leads to you losing contact with your grandchild?

    Is the child not allowed around your dog? If so, could you go to her house?
    dad with love's Avatar
    dad with love Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    Jun 8, 2012, 05:45 PM
    I wouldn't bore you or sadden you with my situation. I've learned after years of emotional torture from my daughter and ex-wife that there my not be an answer for our questions.

    The peace we find is in knowing that we are looking for the truth in the situation which reminds us that we have followed the proper footprint of love and honesty. If for some reason, few cannot see our journey or understand the damage left in its wake then they have not and may never find the truth in their lives.

    I understand your words more than you do having written them in my mind hundreds of time before and will re-write them again and again.

    Remember... during your search you will touch someone else with a word, or a thought or a gesture that will change them forever. Then there will be "good" in all that you find "bad"

    I love my daughter more than words have meaning for and for whatever reason she has for not understanding they will never be enough to prevent me from loving her.
    My truth, my love... no one can take that away from me!
    UGENA's Avatar
    UGENA Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #19

    Jul 14, 2012, 07:01 PM
    I am so sorry to hear of your pain, cannot help but wonder how or why younger children could be so cold, unless issues of maybe past pain of a broken home. Please see a lawyer.

    Suffering something similar, so painful just missing him because they live far away, so in a process to move to be near them. Never thought it could be this painful, even though I get pictures, emails sometimes videos, skype, nothing is the same as holding him and being near my daughter. Was sure I would see her in the spring, reasons are reasonable, but again are not. The fact is they do not understand how much grandparents miss their children, they are flying here for Thanksgiving.

    Missing them/grandson is exhausting, luckily work has helped, but weekends are exhausting.

    Very Interesting... how I feel my daughter wants to know (indirectly) lately about any connections with her father, although indirectly. Also says when she is here, is she says, why do you think I live so far away... meaning the fact her father and I are not together since 1994, or have I ever lived with anyone else, although he has. Cannot help but wonder if there is a bigger connection there than one really knows, she would have a cold edge to her after moving away, seems better now with a child. But feel by making every 'genuine loving' connection possible helps, but yes I see the difference in attitude in being ungrateful, that is very hurtful, is like I must work very hard to gain her love, which was mostly between age 20 to 25 when she left home, she now is 31, my grandson is 1.

    Cannot imagine the horror you are going through, if possible try church, it is the only positive and genuine help I rec;d after separating, now divorced, (my daughter even suggested or wanted me to be away from her father) Find a group or prayer group to join, takes years to understand but believe me it is worth it, nothing can be stonger or work as strong. God is a power so much bigger than life itself and he always comes through at the very worst times, I know been there, and you will find the peace you need, and for your grandchildren and family.
    NeverGiveUp2005's Avatar
    NeverGiveUp2005 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #20

    Aug 26, 2012, 06:07 PM
    It is emotional abuse to cut these grandchildren off from their grandparents. Contact your local Cabinet for Families and report this emotional abuse. Keep on it. The daughter may get so tired of defending herself that she will listen to reason if the social worker is on your side. Focus on the needs of the child and show the agency that seeing you is in this child's best interest. Also. See if the court will assign a guardian ad litem to represent the child. Keep researching online for more resources. Don't ever give up!

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