Please tell your husband to stop rubbing her nose in it, this is dated info and does NOT work. If you ever want her to stop being so skittish you need to stop this behavior immediately. Rubbing her nose in it is equivalent to hitting her for it, or even hitting a child for making a mess.
This is going to sound corny to you, but unless you catch your dog making the mess red pawed, there is no sense bad dogging her. She realizes it's the mess on the floor that you are upset with, but not the action of doing it it's self.
You really want to set your dog up for success, so praise her whens he does good, offer small treats, it doesn't have to be manufactured treats, but can be a few kernels of kibble. If your dog is suffering from separation anxiety, don't let her have free run of the house while you are away, crate her. She will be less likely to make a mess in her crate. If your dog pee's when you vacuum, put her out side before you vacuum. Dogs will respond better to positive behavior then negative.
Remember she isn't being spiteful, it's like any human who suffers from a mental disability. Ever feel anxious or depressed? Well that's what it's like for her when she is left alone.