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    iyeranita's Avatar
    iyeranita Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 22, 2010, 07:06 AM
    Is my father sexually abusing me?
    I'm an 18 year old girl. I think I'm being molested. I'm not sure though. My sister has told me that my dad looks at me in a bad way. She told me that she has noticed him looking at my breasts. I don't know whether to believe it. My mother has cautioned me not to wear revealing clothes in front of my dad.. I come from a really conservative family. My dad is a touchy kind of guy. I read online that children who have been molested many a times start masturbating really young.

    My dad has abused my mother physically and mentally. My mom has faced marital rape by my dad. My dad has toned down his temper over the last years, but you know occasionally if I try to do something he doesn't like he tells me that he should have had his old abusive behaviour. Then he warns me saying that one day he would teach me a lesson. He is like dr jekyll and hyde. Turns violent quickly. He always tries to hit only me and not my elder sister or younger brother becos I'm not physically very strong.

    I started masturbating when I was really young. At that time I didn't even know what sex is. I don't kow how I learnt to do it. I also don't remember much of my childhood. My family has told me that I always was a really quiet child and extremely over mature for my age. Like I was withdrawn into a shell. Apparently used to always sit in a corner of my house and read very quitely, and it seems I was not naughty at all. I remember I used to get very scared to leave my mother and go somewhere. Many a times he has hit me on my butt. I have an elder sister and a younger brother. I always feel he has been extra violent with me.

    Once when I was 16 he saw me coming out of the bathroom only wearing a towel and he started smiling weirdly. Lately a picture has been popping into my head.a picture of my dad giving me a bath when I was young and rubbing hard on my private part. I don't know whether it is my imagination or a suppressed memory. I asked my mother about it and she said my dad has never given me a bath. I also get this picture of him asking me to sit on his lap and to kiss him on his face again and again. He always tries to come near me as a way of making my sister jealous.. that is as if he is showering more affection on me.

    I'm 18 now. He recently literally forced me to come and sit near him. He grabs me, he dragged me to a room once in anger and just shoved me. Whenever I sit near him he rubs my leg with his leg. He always asks me to come and sit near him. Once he kissed my neck. Once in public he rested his chin on my shoulder from the back and didn't let me go even when I asked him to. Another time when we had a fight I got angry and went to my room. He came in and held me tightly and tickled me till I accepted his sorry. Most of the time he is a nice dad, but he quickly turns violent on me. He leers at me.

    Once when I was 15 and I was returning from my classes at night. This stranger was walking alongside me. I just simply smiled at him and he suddenly started showing me a video of people having sex, and I got scared and started to walk away from him. But then he caught up with me and asked me questions like have you ever tried this and do I want to try it and all. I luckily escaped.

    The fact was after that my dad was continuously staring at me for days in this totally weird way. Yesterday my mom warned me that my dad was looking at my breasts. I have this fair pretty cousin and he used to stare at her till one day she told him off. He looks and comments at other women in front of me. He has had affairs. He has once told me that he will put a spy on me as I turn older. When I see strangers somehow I get this feeling of wanting to be viloently raped by them. But then when I actually think about it I feel disgusted. I'm ashamed of all these thoughts of sex. I get ashamed because I'm masturbating.and I get uncomfortable around him.

    Once I wore a new dress and showed it to him and he went on staring at me in a weird way. When I was 15 I had a really good guy friend who used to call me everyday. When my dad found out he hit me and threatened to lock me in the house if I continued talking to that guy. Whenever I talk to guys my dad stops me. He doesn't allow me to talk to guys. I have been having fantasies of getting raped by my dad in a really brutal way. He has also mentally and emotionally abused me. I get uncomfortable talking to guys.

    I want to know whether this is molestation or am I reading too much into it. Is my dad molesting me? Please answer fast.I have been in depression for more than two years. I do not have anybody to talk to.I cannot tell my family, they are not supportive. I cannot go to a counsellor neither can I run away.

    Recently he told me that he is going to put a spy on me. When he hits me.. it is like he has total feeling of power over me. Once he forced me to lie down on his lap and I could feel his erection. Another time he backed me against the cupboard in anger and held me against my will with his fingers squeezing my mouth in anger.

    Recently I was in my parents room. My brother and mom were also in the room. I was standing in front of my dad. He was wearing a bathrobe. He suddenly opened his robe. He was not wearing any underwear. My mom and brother couldn't see him. I was mortified and I looked away. I don't don't whether he purposely flashed me or was it a mistake? He hits me on my butt a lot and keeps rubbing my neck. I'm scared he will rape me. Is this sexual abuse?

    There is no way out for me from this situation... once my lower back was paining and my dad was massaging it... my sister suddenly came to the room and told my dad to go out... and then she told me that he was rubbing my back in a very sexual way and that he was leering at me... she told me that one day he would rape me and that I would sit and cry... she asked me to **** off and accused me of trying to incite my dad... she asked me to get lost and go sleep with him... I have no support... the confusion is killing me and I have been having suicidal thoughts... even if I want help I have no sources...
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #2

    Aug 22, 2010, 07:26 AM

    Where are you living... what country? Whether there was past abuse there certainly is now. Even if not overtly sexual, at the very least physical and emotional. His behaviour and actions are very inappropriate.

    I can only assume you are in a country, or have a family culture, where divorce is not common place? Otherwise I am surprised that your mother would not have ended the relationship long ago for you children if not for herself.
    There are many cultural differences, so what might be an obvious and easy way to deal with it in one country would not be so easy in another.

    Is there any other famiy member or friend that you could live with? Are you able to speak to your doctor about this so that they can help you finding appropriate counseling and help? Are there any women's shelters in your area or do you have a trusted adult friend who could help you? Are there social services or other authorities that you can contact? Is the only way of getting out of the house is to marry or could you leave for school or work somewhere else?

    What happened after your cousin told him off? Could she help you? What would happen if you stood up to him and told him to stay away from you or if your brother and sister joined you in telling him off... would you risk harm?

    If you simply can not find someone who can help you, if the risk is too great to speak up to him, if you can not leave yet, do whatever you can to stay away from him. Spend more time at work or school. Keep your brother, sister, or mother around you as much as possible. Have as little contact with him as possible until you can safely get out on your own.
    iyeranita's Avatar
    iyeranita Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Aug 22, 2010, 07:36 AM

    Nobody can help me... nobody is ready to believe me... I have tried
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #4

    Aug 22, 2010, 07:50 AM

    I would think your mother and sister would since they have already commented several times on his looking at you and inappropriate behaviour. I would also think your cousin might help since she herself had to tell him off.
    What would happen if you told him off yourself? How old do you have to be to be considered an adult where you live and move out on your own? Do you work?
    excon's Avatar
    excon Posts: 21,482, Reputation: 2992
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    #5

    Aug 22, 2010, 08:00 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by iyeranita View Post
    is this sexual abuse?

    there is no way out for me from this situation.......
    Hello I:

    You have a weird family. I don't know if it's sexual abuse or not. But, it doesn't matter. You're 18 and an ADULT. There IS a way out. Pack your stuff and leave.

    excon
    pipstik's Avatar
    pipstik Posts: 24, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Aug 24, 2010, 02:06 AM

    God this so weird! Can you go and live with any of your aunt or uncle? You don't have to tell your sister. I don't think she'l take your side. But you need to sit down with your mother and tell her what you feel in a calm way and tell her that you can not live like this. Tell her to send you to live with her sister or other relative for some time if they would have you. Once you are out, you can take it from there.

    Is you brother younger or elder to you? Does he have a clue as to what is going on? Get his support if you think he can help. You can not be like this. You need to help yourself before further damage is done.

    I don't know which culture you belong to but If you can find a job and move out, then that would be the best option for you.

    Oh and you father ever tries to spy on you, report him to the poice!
    Cisslybee2012's Avatar
    Cisslybee2012 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Aug 26, 2010, 12:31 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by iyeranita View Post
    nobody can help me......nobody is ready to believe me...i have tried
    Sweetheart,

    Is there another relative or close friend you can live with?

    You need to get away from your family without delay. Your father is a sexual predator and a deeply disturbed man and your mother is even more disturbed because she's not protecting her children. She's protecting him.

    So you're right not to say anything to them about what's going on because your parents well know what's going on and why you've got to get out of there without delay. If you don't have another relative or friend you can stay with, then please go without delay to the nearest hospital emergency room to you and tell them that you feel depressed and like hurting yourself and you're experiencing what's seems to you like sexual advancements from your father.

    If you tell the hospital staff that you feel like hurting yourself, by law, they cannot turn you away and must offer to admit you into the hospital. Every hospital has a psychiatric division where they can treat you for your depression. And you speak to doctors and social workers about your circumstances and come up with a plan for you to live away from your parents. It may mean you living in a group home or similar kind of place, but you will be safe from abuse. You've got to get out of there right now.

    Don't be afraid to turn to outside help and to separate from your abusive environment. There's really no chance for you to make things better while still in that environment. You're 18 now and legally an adult.

    Please visit my blog at: YouthBHeard and contact me by email there through my about me link.

    Everything will be all right if you take measures to remove yourself from home right now. I hope to hear from you through my email address. Please contact me. I can help you to get through this and heal if you will stay in contact with me.
    Aurora_Bell's Avatar
    Aurora_Bell Posts: 4,193, Reputation: 822
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    #8

    Aug 26, 2010, 10:37 AM

    I am not sure if you were molested or sexually abused, but you are certainly being abused. I also would like to know what country you are in, I know in Canada, you are still able to call the children' s Hot line and get free counseling. Also you can go to your hospital, or speak to your doctor about getting free resources for counseling. Also there is sexual abuse support groups, at the very least you could seek any sort of abuse support groups.

    It sounds like you are living in a very volatile environment, something no one should have to endure. I can't quite understand the anger your sister has, unless something has happened to her as well. Have you ever tired to speak to her about this?

    It is important for us to know what country you are living in, as to better provide you with the resources available to you.

    Like the others have mentioned, you are 18, you can leave on your own free will as you are now legally an adult. Is there no family member that you could live with? What about the cousin that you said told your father off?
    donttell's Avatar
    donttell Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Sep 1, 2010, 10:35 AM
    [QUOTE=iyeranita;2493498]I'm an 18 year old girl.I think I'm being molested.
    Yes he has but your mind has blocked it. I have been their, you have got to leave, if you are in uk go to police or go online to find BWA berkshire women's aid even if you live in other area they can help.
    They will move you to a secret refuge where you will be safe and helped. I don't want to scare you but I suspect once he does finally rape you as in penetrative sex he will kill you so u can't tell. My mum finally left my dad when I was 15 after being physically and mentally abused. He would beat me more than my brothers, make me bath him. I would have to watch him naked and massage his body as a child, he would get erect around me, leave porn mags around. I would have to lay next to him with my clothes on but he was naked with an erection and I would have to massage and rub his back. I would have to pull down my clothes when he wanted to smack my bum. I can't remember what he did to me sexually but I had recurring utis as a child and I would masterbate with toys, I use to get hot and turned on when I could hear him ****ing my mum at night, I also fantasised about him ****ing me. I hate him but would wish he would **** my brains out. I think he molested me from an early age in a sick way making me find him attractive, they do it because they hope you will make a move on them then when they get caught they can say it was your fault. Leave now before its too late
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #10

    Sep 1, 2010, 11:18 AM
    It is important that you get out- NOW. Get the phone book out, and find the local emergency shelters (for women) in your phone book. Call the police and ask them where do you go- they have all the information- and don't hesitate to ask for an escort. While you are in the care of a women's shelter, your location is not known, and none of your family members can contact you.

    You are in a very dangerous situation, with an out of control man. Think man here, and don't cloud it with him being your father. He has no power over you if you leave. Take that AWAY from him.

    While you are in the safety net of a shelter, only then can you beging to sort through all the confusing thoughts you have. You are not safe, and not thinking clearly. You are in survival mode, and getting by, only on instinct.

    There are many obvious signs of distress with you. You feel the way you do, because you are being threatened, and you cannot predict, out think, or anticipate, what his next move will be. You are an adult now, and that might just be a green light for him. At the very least, you are finding out that him controlling you, gives him unrestricted access.

    He also has the complicity of the rest of your family, if not outright accessories in that they know, yet allow, his behaviour to continue. They are all contributing to this very dangerous situation, and you have no protection. None.

    The ONLY thing you can do, is find out through your local police department, emergency services at the hospital, any and all women's shelters and services, is where to go. That is all you need to know right now.

    Nothing, and I mean nothing else matters that you leave for a safe place.

    Only when you take that step, will you be able to sort out your life. For now, one plan and one plan only- get out.
    ashleymohan1997's Avatar
    ashleymohan1997 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Dec 20, 2010, 01:42 PM
    I know I blab on but please take the time to read this.

    I have been abused by my dad since I was 3/4 and he still does it now and I am 13 I have tried to tell people about it but every time I get close to saying it I break down and cry. I can't even write letters because I never know what to say when I have finished writing this I am going to give writing a letter another attempt because I have planned out what I'm going to say.

    I think you should try to write a letter or e-mail someone about it.

    Good luck chick, x
    Cisslybee2012's Avatar
    Cisslybee2012 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Dec 29, 2010, 02:23 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ashleymohan1997 View Post
    i know i blab on but please take the time to read this.

    i have been abused by my dad since i was 3/4 and he still does it now and i am 13 i have tried to tell people about it but everytime i get close to saying it i break down and cry. i can't even write letters because i never know what to say when i have finished writing this i am going to give writing a letter another attempt because i have planned out what im gonna say.

    i think you should try to write a letter or e-mail someone about it.

    good luck chick, x

    Did you mention it to your mother?
    Hanna5's Avatar
    Hanna5 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Apr 13, 2011, 04:00 PM
    I would concentrate on getting you your sister and your mum as far away from your father as soon as possible!! End of.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #14

    Apr 14, 2011, 02:45 PM

    I agree with the others. You are now 18, so in most countries you are an adult. Call a support resource and leave. The fact that family members do not believe you is meaningless - at least two of them have indicated that your father was being inappropriate toward you and I would guess from your sister's comments that he has raped her.

    It's time to leave - don't expect support from your abuse-impacted family - it will have to come from elsewhere for now. In most countries there are resources for abused and battered women, so seek one out. If you need time to find a resource, go stay with a friend, see if one of the adults at school will help you with a temporary place to stay, etc. You have to do whatever necessary to get out of the house.

    Do not tell anyone in the house you are leaving - they will try to stop you and your father could escalate in his violence. Get out and then when you get professional help, find a safe way to let your family know that you left by choice due to abuse and are not coming back. Do not open up communication with them until you understand things better and have a safe, secure, long-term situation in place for yourself.

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