My boyfriend wants to do have a 3 way with another chick. So it would be me him and another chick. Is that normal? And if so how do I go about finding someone for this?

How old are the three of you? At least you and your boyfriend.

We are both 20.. actually he will be 21 in like 2 weeks and then I will be 21 2 months after him. The other female will be around the same age

What do you want?

If you are the least bit uncomfortable with the thought, DO NOT allow his fantasy to ruin the reality of your relationship. If he can't accept your boundaries on the subject, then you might want to think twice about the relationship. This isn't like getting a toy or new sheets.

How long have you been together?

Before you get anywhere close to bringing in a third party, sit down, discuss and write out the rules and expectations both of you have. Make sure BOTH of you know where the boundary lines are and what the consequences of crossing those lines will be. Be positive that BOTH of you are emotionally ready to play with someone who will bring their own emotions into the mix.

Yes, it can be a normal fantasy. Doesn't mean it has to be a reality.

If two people love each other that should be enough. You shouldn't have to give in to his fantasies.
These days when anything goes makes relationships hard to maintain.

Don't do it. If one woman is not enough for him... too bad. My opinion.

Cat1864: me and him have been together for almost 2 years and we have been talking about it for a while now. I am not against it. I guess I am trying to figure out if many people do this?

If you agree to this, I will bet your relationship with your boyfriend will never be the same again--to the negative. Would he be interested in a three-way with you and another guy? No? Why not?

No and neither am I

Personally I wouldn't do it. There are to many things that could come in to play after the fact.

What if he liked it better with her?
What if he liked it enough to pursue her to be alone with her?
What if you liked her enough to do it alone?
What if during the "act" you had a change of heart? Would he be OK with that?
Are you going to ask a friend or a stranger? A friend will change your relationship with that person forever.

So many what ifs to even continue.

Don't sacrifice your integrity to please him. My opinion

Don't do it, keep it as a fantasy it'll more than likely ruin what you have with your b/f.

How do you think you're going to feel watching your b/f and a strange female having sex?

Perhaps your b/f wants this in order to watch you and another female having sex together I know many males have this fantasy about that, but do you yourself want to have sex with another female?

No matter what way you look at it, or even go into a 3 way sex session, I would think one of you is going to have some pangs of jealousy its perfectly normal to do so, however what if those pangs go on to grow into out of control feelings of rage or betrayal.

Will you or he be able to fully trust each other again, I know a couple who like yourself wanted to try a 3 way sex session also with another female, it ended with the 2 women running off with each other the couples 3 children were taken into care, and the husband had a nervous breakdown and is now a shadow of his former self, and this couple were ultra confident before the 3 some.

It recked 3 lives of the adults and a further 3 the children's.

Its never worth it, if its his idea you can let him think you are going along with it, just never let it go any further, if its your idea I would suggest you seriously consider where your true sexuality lies.

Whatever you do Don't do this to please your partner, it would destroy everything you 2 have together and the damage won't be repairable. Stick with the fantasy..

Play Safe...

In answer to your question, do many couples do this, Ill say they do, especially in England its been labelled the swinging centre of europe, but that's swinging, which is slightly different although it does entail partner swapping, and 3 somes etc, well I believe it's a case of anything goes, those people however are usually all in well established relationships and they do as they do together in a party environment, mostly, or I believe that's the case, haven't been to one of the swinging parties myself been invited but I know I couldn't cope with the fact that my man was having sex with some other woman, and my partner and I are fairly open minded regarding sex, but I wouldn't try it. I think it's a dangerous thing to become involved in.

But yes it goes on all the time...

Needed to make sure that you're over 18. Rules and such.

Anyhow. A FMF three way. Is this normal? It is a normal fantasy for a man. Is it a normal thing to happen? Hard to say. It happens. There is no doubt about it.

The questions though are: Why do you want to do this? Just to satiate your boyfriend's fantasy? Do you want this as well? If you're doing this for your boyfriend, than don't.

If you're dead set on doing this than realize that your relationship will change. If you capitulate once, than he will expect it again. This will probably won't be positive.

Ask him why he wants this. Is he just wanting the attention of two girls? Is he bored and wants to road test another woman? Big question.

So if you continue in this adventure, your best bet is to find a unknown third party. Craigslist or your local classifieds are a good place to look. Interview possible thirds and only use one that you guess agree upon. Make sure she's drug and disease free. Use protection regardless. Make sure each participant knows their role and understands what is going on. This will prevent someone from feeling left out or offended.

I think this should probably be a fantasy that stays that way. If you're going to do it than do it safely and do it smartly.

My opinion is mine.

Many fantasize about this. Few do it. Of those who do it or think about it, many have strong reservations.

I'm pretty damn open to talking about sex with anyone and everyone. I can tell you that I've seen just a handfull of people tackle this issue without it ultimately becoming a problem.

So... you choose your life and your path and your partners. Fine. No problem there.

I won't say its "normal", as in most people do this often, to seek this out actively... and I wouldn't say it's a rare question. Most aren't struggling with this angle, but enough do that they post here. It is not a rare issue. It is also not what most people deal with in their relationships.

So... if you choose to seek this out... you need to take some risks with women you are comfortable with. Probably need to introduce the boy into the mix and see how things feel.

I have a very good friend who loved occasional threesomes and shed simply take her steady boy out, usually dance, and see if she could connect to another woman in the place who was a little daring and flirty.

I've been there, done that.

This is a big step, and if you're intent on taking it, a lot of talking has to occur beforehand.

Ground rules have to be set down. Be very honest about what's acceptable to you and what isn't. If you don't want him to kiss the other girl, make sure he knows that. Don't go into it hoping he won't and then leaving in a huff afterwards because he did.

Rules, regulations, things that are okay, things that aren't. Make it all very clear. The other girl has to be clear on this as well.

If you do all of that, then you do have a better chance of doing this and making it work. Sadly, we're all human beings. What we think we can accept often isn't really what we can accept when we're faced with it. You may think that you'll be okay seeing him touch, caress, have sex with another woman, but when you're in the situation you may not be able to handle it.

Be honest with yourself and be honest with him.

Also, realize that very few people can make a relationship work when other people are brought into the bedroom. You may be one of the few, but then again, you may not be.

Good luck.

So... tell your hubby to get the hell out? I'm bored, bored, bored. Bored. Bored.

I have tongue tricks.

I don't like to share.

;)

Is it Friday yet alty? Seems like it.

Less typing. More skin.

It does seem to be a fantasy for a majority of males as far as I know. And I know several who have participated in them including myself.
There was a difference concerning me in that I was not in a relationship when I went through this phase . And truthfully without the issues of being in a relationship or even in love with the girls involved it was... memorable (well... it was in the hippie days... sexual freedom, and all , sex and love were separate issues).

Several friends of mine who were married got into this, and trading wives .
Every one of them ended up breaking up and the sexual adventures were a contributing factor to one degree or another but seemed to be the beginning of the end. They all thought there would be no jealousy because they talked it over first and felt good about it. The girls were hesitant but eventually agreed.
But when one of the girls suggested and they made the threesome become 2 males and a female, the outlook changed. It seems that they (the males) had a whole new aspect when this was presented. That is when the jealousy became the big issue and soon after the practice stopped.

You should ask your boyfriend if this would would be OK. Bring in another male. It could change his perspective on this. It would be educational for you at least to see how he reacts .


And in the aftermath when talking with them , they agreed that it was not worth the problems it caused.

When I was married I had an entirely different attitude about it, which may have been partly due to seeing the effects and aftermath and partly due to experiencing it in a setting that held no chance of bringing on jealousy and broken trust with someone I loved.
If given the opportunity then I would not have done it. Even though I still had fantasies about it. And still do.

I would advise not doing it , It is ,when in a relationship, a highway to hell. Give this a lot of thought and know that it may be the beginning of the end. And this is not an opinion or speculation , I been there done that and seen many others do it too.

I do wish you well

The ONLY people that can make threesomes work are those with absolute trust in one another, absolute respect for one another, and pretty much a perfect relationship otherwise.

If you EVER get jealous of the way he acts around any other female--do not do this. If HE ever gets jealous of the way you act around someone else--do not do this.

Don't describe it here--but both of you write down what you think should happen during a threesome. Be specific and graphic. Then read what the other person wrote. It's amazing how two people will look at the same potential act with completely different views of what they think will happen and what they want to happen.

I've given advice on threesomes before--I suggest reading some of the other threads about it on AMHD.

I also don't think that you are as into the idea as he is, and that you would be doing it because it's his fantasy. This is a VERY BAD reason to have a threesome. And if you are not bisexual (or the other woman isn't--or both), then this is ALL about your boyfriend. Will you be okay with the times that you are essentially left out of the action? Because no matter how planned, there are always points of time during a threesome where someone is on the sidelines for a little bit.

I could go on and on with the questions--but I sincerely doubt that your relationship is strong enough to deal with a threesome. Not because anything is wrong with you--but because MOST people (as evidenced from many of the answers you got) cannot deal with the trust and jealousy issues that will stem from having a threesome.

Make certain you both have the same definition of 'threesome'. Does it continue to be a threesome if you or he falls asleep and the other person continues playing?

What happens if you don't like the experience but he does (or other way around)?

As for normal, your normal and my normal may be very different. It doesn't matter what is normal to everyone one else if it doesn't feel that way to you. It can be considered normal for people to play with food in bed. That doesn't mean you have to want to play with food. It can be normal for some people to enjoy tickling or spanking games, but that doesn't mean you have to want to.

If his reasoning is that it is normal so why not do it, it is also normal for couples to have problems when they do.

I agree.. in other words, don't give in to his fantasy..