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drsniff · May 30, 2010, 07:46 PM

I know of a father who still sleeps with his 8 old daughter every night and she has expressed discomfort over how he "snuggles." He has never gone through the process of getting her sleeping in her own room. At what age does it become inappropriate for a single father to sleep with his daughter?

DoulaLC · May 30, 2010, 07:52 PM

If the daughter has expressed discomfort with the situation, it is inappropriate right now. Speak to the father and let him know that the daughter has expressed interest in sleeping in her own room and that it would be more appropriate for her to start having some privacy.

If the concern expressed regarding snuggling has any merit of abuse, it needs to be investigated.

Jake2008 · May 30, 2010, 07:53 PM

Now. And if it were possible, about 5 years ago would have been better.

It is totally and completely inappropriate and a bit weird, that even with this child expressing discomfort, that she is not in her own bed.

I don't know who you are in relation to this child, but if you have any influence over the father, tell him he is crossing the line in sleeping with his 8 year old, and it has to stop.

Maybe offer to set up her own room, or help put a nice room together for her.

I hope you can get through to him.

Fr_Chuck · May 30, 2010, 09:31 PM

It is past time

Alty · May 30, 2010, 09:33 PM

Way past time! This is just creepy, especially because of the comment about the way he snuggles.

Not only should she be sleeping in her own room, it's time someone stepped in and investigated this father.

friend4u178 · May 30, 2010, 11:52 PM

Sorry folks but I smell troll , Drsniff? and I hope I'm right :rolleyes:

If this was happening , you wouldn't have to ask someone if it was right surely :eek:

Alty · May 31, 2010, 12:24 AM

I have to spread the rep M but I agree.

I can't imagine anyone having to ask if this situation is okay.

jenniepepsi · Jun 1, 2010, 03:07 PM

I don't see why everyone feels this is creepy or wrong. I personally see nothing wrong with it, but that's my opinion.

However, if the girl is uncomfratable with it, its time to stop. Its always up to the child and parent when its innapropriate or not

Alty · Jun 1, 2010, 03:12 PM

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

I don't see why everyone feels this is creepy or wrong. I personally see nothing wrong with it, but that's my opinion.

However, if the girl is uncomfratable with it, its time to stop. Its always up to the child and parent when its innapropriate or not

Jennie, this is the part I find creepy.

she has expressed discomfort over how he "snuggles."

I know that a family bed is the norm for many people, but when a child says no, and when a child expresses that no with a statement like the one above, it's not only way past time to stop, it's also time to investigate exactly what daddy does when he "snuggles" that's causing the child discomfort.

I always error on the side of caution. I'd rather investigate and be wrong, then do nothing and be right.

jenniepepsi · Jun 1, 2010, 03:20 PM

Yeah I see your point alty. That's why I said if the girl is uncomfortable than its time to stop. I just didn't understand the vehemence of her sleeping with her dad in the first place. It seems like a lot of people are against it even if the girl wasn't uncomfortable.

Alty · Jun 1, 2010, 03:40 PM

It's not for me. I like having my bed be my bed.

I know many people want the family bed, I just never understood why. I think it can actually be harmful to a child, especially when the child is 8 years old.

Sleeping in your own bed helps a child gain confidence, independence.

There have been many studies on the family bed, and many points in favor and against this practice. To each their own.

I do have a friend whose family always had a family bed, it's part of their culture. To this day she cannot sleep unless she has at least one other person in bed with her. She never learned how to soothe herself enough to fall asleep.

Jake2008 · Jun 1, 2010, 03:42 PM

It is inappropriate, and actually the little girl somehow managed to tell a trusted adult that she was uncomfortable, and even stated why- the snuggling.

I do hope that she is now in her own bed.

jmjoseph · Jun 1, 2010, 03:56 PM

Even in a king sized bed, it seems a bit inappropriate for a father, who has nocturnal erections throughout the sleep cycle, to be sleeping/snuggling with an 8 year old female child.

However, this could be nothing more than a bad parenting habit. This guy could just love his little girl to death, and wants to keep her safe, and close to him. He could be lonely. She could be scared.

But either way, it's creepy to me. She needs her own bed, with stuffed animals, and pretty little sheets.

But that's just me. You can come to visit, but no kids, or PETS, overnight in our bed. And it's a king.

Alty · Jun 1, 2010, 04:19 PM

I have to say that Sydney slept with me a few weeks ago. R was on nights, Sydney was really sick, throwing up, the runs, high fever. After getting out of bed for the 10th time to change her sheets, clean her up, comfort her, I decided to bring her to our bed so I could keep a better eye on her.

R slept on the pull out couch downstairs so Syd would have room (we also have a king size but R likes to spread out ;)).

It was one night and only because she was ill, otherwise, no way. She has a beautiful room, a comfy bed, everything a little girl could want, so why would she need to sleep with us?

I just don't see a reason for a family bed.

ScottGem · Jun 1, 2010, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

i dont see why everyone feels this is creepy or wrong. i personally see nothign wrong with it, but thats my opinion.

however, if the girl is uncomfratable with it, its time to stop. its always up to the child and parent when its innapropriate or not

There is nothing wrong with a father and daughter snuggling or cuddling. But doing this at night in the same bed steps over the line, even if the daughter didn't complain.

jenniepepsi · Jun 1, 2010, 04:41 PM

Yeah thanks eveyrone. I see the problem now. Maybe its just cause I'm a mother instead of a father. My daughter slept with me until recently at 6, and still sleeps with me on occasion. I never saw it affect her in anyway, independence wise or any other way. When I got her her own bed she transitioned perfectly into it with no problems. She only climbs in bed with me when she has growing pains now. Lol.

But I do definitely see the problem with this situation, especially once joseph reminded us about adult males having erections in their sleep, its very common and NOT something an 8 year old should be around.

friend4u178 · Jun 1, 2010, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

yeah thanks eveyrone. i see the problem now. maybe its just cause im a mother instead of a father.

Jenni

If this is true and I still have my doubts , the below are the things I have issues with...

Originally Posted by drsniff

I know of a father who still sleeps with his 8 old daughter every night and she has expressed discomfort over how he "snuggles." He has never gone through the process of getting her sleeping in her own room. At what age does it become inappropriate for a single father to sleep with his daughter?

See , now I have no problem with a Father snuggling his daughter in fact it's quite normal and should in fact be encouraged,. BUT!!

jmjoseph · Jun 1, 2010, 04:56 PM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Jenni

If this is true and I still have my doubts , the below are the things I have issues with.......

See , now I have no problem with a Father snuggling his daughter in fact it's quite normal and should in fact be encouraged , .......................... BUT !!!

Yea, I have doubts too, but it IS a subject that might need to be addressed.

If the girl is complaining, it might be for some uncomfortable reason.

I hope it's not even true. And if it is, I hope it's just innocent.

Strange things happen behind closed doors.

Some creepy. Some felonious.

hheath541 · Jun 1, 2010, 05:11 PM

I shared a bed with my mom and brother from about the age of 5 until I was 9, then again from 10 to 13.

In college I had a friend who would stay in my room several nights a week. We'd snuggle up in the same bed, even though there was an extra bed in my room.

I've shared a bed with most of the people I've been friends with in the past few years. Including a friend and her husband. The only thing that ever happened was cuddling.

When I couple friends came up to visit over easter, we all slept on my sofa bed.

The MAIN, and only IMPORTANT difference, I see between my history and this girl, is that she is CLEARLY uncomfortable. Once it becomes uncomfortable for one or more of the people involved, it's time to move to different beds.

You should try to find out WHAT about his snuggling is making her uncomfortable, and if she's actually voiced that discomfort to her father. It could be inappropriate touching. It could be nighttime erections. It could be that his arm is heavy and makes it hard for her to breathe. Until you have more information, you shouldn't panic.