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    as13hl20ey's Avatar
    as13hl20ey Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #1

    May 6, 2010, 09:45 PM
    My boyfriend doesn't want to have sex with me and wants to wait until he is married
    My boyfriend told me he wants to wait to have sex until he is married but he already has a 9 year old daughter and right before we started talking he had a one night stand. How man I tell if it's because he's not attracted to me or something else? He is not very affactionate and we act more like friends a lot of the time. I know friendship is an important thing but how do I tell if he really wants to be with me?
    Larken85's Avatar
    Larken85 Posts: 696, Reputation: 146
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    #2

    May 6, 2010, 11:23 PM

    It sounds like with you he wants to be virtuous. However if this is something that you cannot except then you need to figure something else out because in order to be virtuous or sexual both partners have to be on board with it in order for the relationship to work.
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #3

    May 6, 2010, 11:25 PM
    Can I ask how old you both are, and how long you're known each other?

    This may make a difference to how I respond..
    hheath541's Avatar
    hheath541 Posts: 2,762, Reputation: 584
    Experts
    		  
    #4

    May 7, 2010, 12:03 AM

    It's possible that he doesn't want to repeat old mistakes. You need to sit down and have an open, honest conversations with him about his choice and your fears and where your relationship is going.
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
    Uber Member
    		  
    #5

    May 7, 2010, 12:34 AM
    Hi, as13hl20ey!

    If he might be wanting to be virtuous or not repeat a past mistake, then both of those traits would be admirable qualities in a person.

    Thanks!
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert
    		  
    #6

    May 7, 2010, 07:35 AM
    I strongly suggest that you read this sticky: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/parent...dy-399072.html

    Accidents do happen, so you both have to be prepared to face the consequences. Therefore, it's very very reasonable have sex after marriage.

    Sounds more like your problem than his. He just wants to make sure that you're both committed to one another before taking that next step.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
    		  
    #7

    May 8, 2010, 05:29 AM
    He says he wants to wait until he is married, does that translate into he plans to marry you? Have the two of you talked about marriage?

    I find it suspicious that he is obviously sexually active, or was, until he was in a relationship with you, but, somehow he's suddenly found the wants to be virtuous? It's a little late for that don't you think?

    If his only reason is he wants to wait until he is married, and he has not made it clear he wants to marry you, then perhaps the relationship is based more on other needs.

    I'm not saying he's using you necessarily, but his needs are being met in this relationship under his direction that include no sex.

    Can you offer any insight into the nature of the relationship itself? Do you live together, or support him in any way? Have you met his 9 year old daughter?

    This just sounds a little fishy in my opinion.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #8

    May 8, 2010, 06:45 AM

    Sounds to me like he does not want to make the same mistakes again, and is looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage.

    Is this something you are looking for,
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