Yes, as in the title, I have a very possessive boyfriend. My very first boyfriend.
We have been together for almost 1.5 years.
Back to the days where we first got together, everything was good. Sweet. Happy. But problems started coming up months later. We could quarrel about very little things, but the most important is, he is very possessive.
Because of him, I sort of gave up my friends. I meet my friends for about once a month or lesser. I got distanced from my friends because of him.
He don't like me to have any contact with male friends. Even male friends whom I am very good with. Not even can I sms/msn with them. He says that I am a low-class cheap flirt whenever I contact with them. He says that my friends are trash.
As for my classmates, he doesn't allow me to have lunch with any male friends. He said he rather I had my meals alone or I don't eat at all. I have to report to him whether I am sitting beside a guy during my class or when I am having my lunch.
And because of this, I am distanced from my classmates.
He even got into my msn and deleted all the guys and people whom he don't like for a few times.
Once, he demanded to check my msn chat logs.

As for my girlfriends, he restrict the number of times I could meet up with them every month. Which is twice a month. And it can't be a weekend. He said that weekends are for him. I am in the same class as him, which means we meet everyday, and we spend ALL WAKING HOURS TOGETHER, yet he said that I am not spending enough quality time for him.

Just last week, I went out with my girlfriend to catch a movie. He asked where I was going. I said town for movie. That was not a good answer. He asked, which part of town. I mean, I am living in Singapore, and town is seriously not a huge area. And we are quarreling now because of this. Because I refused to answer, and I told him that I hate to report everything I do to him. Totally lack of freedom.

HE HATE ALL MY FRIENDS. When they didn't do anything to him.

I told him that I need his trust long time ago. I begged him for it. He said that I need to earn that trust. Hence, I stopped going out with my friends, stop contacting all male friends to prove to him that he could trust me.
Now that he said he trust me, but its guys that he don't trust.
I told him that he should have more confidence in himself, but he said he is very confident, he just doesn't trust all the other guys out there(My male friends).
Whenever I told him that I have the right to contact my male friends, he said that I'm despo for guys, talking to guys = flirt. I said that I'm cheap, a slut, a .

Yes, he always scold me with those hurtful words. I told him I get very hurt whenever he scolds me. He apologized. But he said that he need to scold me with those words if not I will not change.

We broken up and patched for dozen of times.

Once, he slapped me. He hitted me. I was really angry at that period. I broke up with him and I was determined. But, he kept contacting me. His friends(Not knowing the situation) contacted me too. Asking me to patch up with him. For that period, he didn't eat anything and his health became worse. His friends just blamed me for that.
Countless times, we initiated break up, but failed.

I read entries of others who are having the same problem as me. But yeah, I really need some opinions and help.

Wow. He hit you. End of the line. Don't ever have this guy in your life as anything, boyfriend, friend, acquaintance... nothing. He has tons of issues to sort out, and your post is horrifying. No one should be treated like that.

Break it off completely and DO NOT CONTACT HIM. He sounds like poison. It hurts, and he is your first, but you will meet people in your life who are WAY more deserving of you than this creep.

Seems pretty clear that you're better off going your separate ways. I don't even have to list out the reasons because you've done that all by yourself.

Trust your instincts. It's time to move on to bigger and better things in life. Don't settle for unhappiness, possessiveness or torture.

Before I am read the last paragraph, I know he was going to start abusing you! Red flag! Possessive people do that. Get away from this man. I wish is right he will torture you.

But the problem is, after this 1.5years, I am like totally dependent on him. My life without him, seems to be nothing. My friends are gone. And I didn't make new friends in my school because of him.
I didn't tell anyone about my problem. Not even my best friend because she dislikes him.
I communicated with him a number of times. I told him it's stress that he is treating me like this. He just don't understand. He even demanded that I must listen to every single things he said.
I asked him to visit psychologist to improve our relationship but it's expensive.

What exactly should I do...

You should exactly get the heck out of there before he really hurts you. By the way the falling down the stairs excuse doesn't ever work. You can get your friends back if you explane all this to them. Explane what kept you away. Just get rid of him and if need be get a PPO on the guy. I don't care if he goes to your school and a PPO would force him out of it, he deserves all that life can hit him with.

FIRST: You sort of gave up on your friends, there is not sort of you did. You are the one that chose to do everything and anything he said.

SECOND: To not be allowed to sit with anybody for lunch that is a crock. You can sit with anybody you want.

THIRD: You can go out any time you want, you should be able to have any amount of friends you want. It is not up to him.

FOURTH: You should have left him get sicker. It is not up to you to heal his so called wounds when you were broke up. Who cares what his friends think. You need not worry about his health and his friends. You need to think about your own health.

FIFTH: Patched things up so many times do you really think it is worth patching up.

SIXTH: The problems you described is classic brainwashing and controlling and manipulative abuse. Abuse first starts as controlling every aspect of your life including making your social life suck so your secluded and he makes you feel that you can only depend on him which is a complete false hood. Then eventually it turns into physical abuse only once, your full of sh-t. I can tell you confidence it was more then once. Eventually it will lead to HIM KILLING YOU. If your not careful and do not leave.

SEVENTH: It is only and only up to you to leave this abusive mentally, physically arrangement, I will not even call it a relationship because it is not a relationship at all. It is an arrangement that you need to end. Or He will end you.

You get him out of your life is what you do and stop hoping he gets help or changes. He won't, and why should he? He has you where he wants you.

Explain to me why you allow another human to keep treating you like a piece of s**t, and call that love. NO WAT this is love, or is healthy, so stop slobbering over him, and get OUT.

Are you crazy or what? What would you tell your daughter who brought a guy like this home? Stop being stupid!

Yes I was being insulting, because you need a cyber slap, you let him do it, so don't get mad at me. NOW WHAT??

This is not about him trying to trust you, this is about someone who is trying to control every facet of your life. If you step away from the situation and take a look at your relationship as we can see it, you will see someone who is not only verbally abusing you, but physically abusing you. That is unacceptable. What would you do if your closest girlfriend came to you with the same story? You would most likely tell her to run for the hills and never look back.

What is it about him that is stopping you from leaving him? There is not one good thing in all of what you wrote. This sounds like a very bad situation and one that will probably keep escalating. As the others are saying and I concur – Get him out of your life!

It doesn't sound like you are gaining anything from this relationship that is positive. You have been forced to lose your circle of friends and little by little your self-confidence and yourself worth. Please if you have to, tell someone you love and try to get out of this situation.

But I am really dependent on him now. I really hoped he would realize his problem and try to change for the better. Despite all of that, actually he is a nice guy. He is the only child in his family and his parents never seem to shower him with love. His parents are always busy working, leaving him alone at home. I guess that was part of the reason why he is so possessive.

I really hope he will change.

I talked to him about this problem yesterday night. He got no intention to change ): He blamed me for quarreling with him which made him can't finish his work. He asked me not to add on his burden by quarreling. But I really don't wish to quarrel. I tried to change for him by minimizing my social circle a lot. But he said I am not trying hard enough and I didn't put in my heart in changing. But I really forced myself to change because he thinks that I am a flirt.

Sometimes, he even suspect that he is not my first boyfriend. He thinks that I am dirty if I have any boyfriends before him. My past is dirty and dark to him. He says that my body is dirty because a certain guy who liked me hugged me in the past. He even said that I'm a prostitute. It's really extremely hurting.

All these, I kept to myself and the feeling of sadness is really piling up. I am not a person who tell my personal stuff to others. When my friends asked about my relationship, I always try to change the topic or lie about it. I find it so shameful...

I searched online about how to cure jealousy and possessiveness. But the problem is I need to make him know that he has the problem first, isn't it?

You will be disappointed, I guarantee it.

Wow, what a hard-knock life, how does he get out of bed every morning? You are correct, this definitely gives him license to be an a**hole. We're wrong to judge him.

You sound like you've been brainwashed. You don't have to convince him that he "has the problem first", he is aware that he's has issues, he just has you fooled into thinking otherwise. What person thinks verbal and physical assault against a girlfriend is okay? He knows what he's doing is wrong, but he doesn't give a flying-f**k about what comes of it or your well-being.

You're not dependent on him, you just believe that you are.
What a nutcase.

The potential long-term effect of all of this, is the next boyfriend you have is going to have to pick up the baggage you'll be carrying from this relationship, and he may actually be a decent guy.

... I wouldn't have been suffering if I like it. I would have been enjoying.
I'm 18 and this is my first relationship. I don't know how a relationship should be like. Do couples stay together whole day long?
I requested for some time alone but, yeah.

Should I give it one more try?
Will counseling helps?

We, everybody that posted here already told you what you need to do but you will not listen to any of it.

How old are you? From your writing and the fact that you're obviously still in high school, I'm going to guess around 15-16.

Do me, and yourself, a favor and read this article.
Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships

Believe me, things WILL get worse. He's not going to change. He's not going to get better. I can tell you pretty much exactly what's going to happen.

As soon as he can rationalize it, he'll insist that you move in together. You'll have to get a job and give him your paychecks. He will control all of the money. It's very likely that he'll also have access to the only car. You won't be allowed to go out, or use the phone, without him being right there. He'll have access to all of your computer activity (which includes this site). You'll be expected to do all the cooking and cleaning. If you end up pregnant, which WILL happen, then he'll probably accuse you of having an affair. You'll have to do everything for the baby, and if it's crying bothers him, he'll take it out on you. Eventually, it'll get to the point where he won't let you out of the room he's in unless he follows you, which includes going to the bathroom.

The violence is almost always gradual. He's hit you once. Which means, he'll hit you again. The hitting will become more and more common. Eventually, you'll learn to expect to be hit every time he yells. Then, you'll learn that he'll start hitting you BEFORE he starts yelling. You'll have to wear extra-thick make-up to cover the bruises, which will cause him to call you a whore and hit you again, which will mean putting on even more make-up.

You need to get out while you still can. Tell your girl friends about him. Tell your guy friends. Tell your parents. Tell a school counselor. Tell SOMEONE! After you tell them, tell someone else. Then, break up with him. File for a restraining order. Do your best to never be alone when he's around. Change your number. Delete and block him from every contact list you have. If you need to, then change your email and I'm accounts. Don't take his calls. Delete any online messeges he sends, without reading them. If his friends contact you, ignore them. Expect there to be rumors that you cheated on him or slept with the entire football team, or anything else his twisted mind can think up.

Whatever you do, do NOT forget to file for a restraining order. Tell them that he's sit you more than once, if you need to. Tell them that he's threatened your safety. Even if he hasn't yet, he WILL after you break up with him. Make sure the police are aware of his actions. If they aren't, then they can't help you later. After you file the restraining order, report Every time he contacts you. Save voicemails and threatening emails and letters. Make sure the cops have a copy of all written contact, and do your best to get them to listen to any voicemails.

Leave now dear, and heal from the abuse he has done. The longer you stay, the more abuse this nut case will do. You will never have a second relationship unless you heal and get healthy, and getting him out of your life, is a great way to get healthy again.

What does your family say about this cruel and abusive fellow??

She hasn't told her friends anything about it. It's pretty much a given that they suspect, though. They just aren't sure how to broach the subject with her.

She hasn't mentioned her family at all, which I find odd.

You probably can't afford counseling, so just save your money and break-up with him.

You said yourself you're suffering, why did you even ask if you should try again? Read what you write.

And you know enough to realize that the relationship you're in isn't the way relationships should be otherwise you wouldn't have come here.

This kid you're with is a nutjob. I know a kid like him, and EVERYONE hates him, even his own mother. At 18, he dated a girl for years who I never met which I thought was funny 'cause he had about five friends including me and my roommate; how could a friendless chump have a girlfriend? I was stupid like you, I felt bad for the poor ugly bastard (and he is ugly), well there was a good reason for it all. He used to beat his girlfriend and verbally abuse her to the brink of suicide many times. He made her believe this is love, and relationships are hard-work. She finally left him and years later he dated another girl and pulled the same BS. His luck finally ran out and now, at 23 he's been brought up on charges on domestic assault and battery, rape (I think) and animal cruelty--he killed his ex-girlfriend's rabbits by strangulation and throwing them against walls. This kid is f***ed up, he is a serial killer in the making. He's also a Marine reservist Corporal, so I'm hoping he will be demoted, if not dishonorably discharged. I also hope he's sent to jail and cornholed every hour of every day.

Anyway, that's why your post set me off. In that dirtbag you call a boyfriend, I see another one of these gutless punks getting away with a crime by brainwashing their girlfriends. You would be doing yourself and the women who know you a huge service if you leave this jerk and make him pay for what he's done. It's not right.

That is because she is isolated so much. I would think. Yes, it is odd family is not mentioned. Maybe she did not have much of a family to rely on and maybe she is in a abusive relationship because she was in abusive relationship at home and did not know any difference. Although this is all speculation Hheath 541.

Where IS your family in all this?

First of all this bs he is saying about you being dirty is disgusting. You could have had five boyfriends before him and he still has no right to say this to you ever. You are a free woman not his property. Second, he is NOT going to change. No matter what you do or what you say he won't change. Don't think there is hope because there isn't. Third, how the hell can you still be with a guy who slapped you? I would have called the police on his abusive . Why would you want to be with anyone who thinks that's even a possibility? He does NOT love you at all. He likes the power you are giving to him. Fourth, quit saying this crap about how you are dependent on this loser. Again he likes the power. He has tried to cut you off from
Everything so that you feel like you need him because he is so completely pathetic that he can't feel like he is worth anything without you. If you break up with him again change your phone number, ignore his friends, if he starts hurting himself that is his mental issue and not your problem, and have no contact with him at all. The thing you don't realize is that he is the one dependent on YOU not the other way around. He knows it and that's why he is trying to keep you under his thumb. This is a sick situation and he is a sick little boy who will never be a real man. You are not dependent, he will not change, he is abusive, and trying to help him is not an option! Leave and do not look back. If you want a real life you wouldn't stay with him. If your daughter was in this situation I would hope to God that you would not only force her out of it, but you would do your best to see that he has a police record that shows he is abusive in case he sucks in some other poor girl in his sick trap. Why would you do any less for yourself? You will NEVER be happy unless you leave. No excuses and no other option.