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    Sledsik's Avatar
    Sledsik Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Mar 8, 2010, 06:55 PM
    Why won't my ex girlfriend talk to me
    Hey there, my ex girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago and won't even talk to me. I did nothing bad to her but be there for her and loved her. I don't even want to get back with her just didn't want to leave things like this. Any advise what I should do?
    chickie543's Avatar
    chickie543 Posts: 74, Reputation: 25
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    #2

    Mar 8, 2010, 07:10 PM

    Leave her alone. I know it hurts, but she isn't replying because she just doesn't want to. You need to move on. Maybe all she knows is how to be your girlfriend, not an ex-girlfriend or a "friend". Keep yourself busy and soon you won't even think about her. Best of luck.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #3

    Mar 9, 2010, 01:21 AM

    Whatever her reasons are,leave it be and continue moving on with your own life.
    The past is the past,live in the present.
    Larken85's Avatar
    Larken85 Posts: 696, Reputation: 146
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    #4

    Mar 9, 2010, 01:23 AM

    I totally agree with last posts. She is not into talking right now and she has gone no contact. Means no matter what you do it'll be impossible to get through to her. You aren't interested in getting back together and I'm sure that's what she thinks will happen if she talks to you so just leave her be. She is trying to heal and you need to heal as well. Eventually you will find some closure.
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #5

    Mar 9, 2010, 04:48 AM

    Maybe she is doing it because it is easier to not be friends with you right now.
    Some people close a door and it stays shut forever.
    Bottom line,you need to respect her wishes and let it go so that you can start living in the present and enjoying your life.
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #6

    Mar 9, 2010, 06:05 AM

    For whatever reason she doesn't want to talk to you, so leave it at that
    Sledsik's Avatar
    Sledsik Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #7

    Mar 9, 2010, 06:59 AM

    Thanks for the input everyone. I guess its just been hard to accept the facts. What I don't get is that she left me a message 2 months ago saying how I was the best boyfriend I could have been to anybody and that she said shell always be there to talk to. Something just doesn't add up. Im getting tired of thinking about her everyday but don't know how to shut it off..
    Imabadman's Avatar
    Imabadman Posts: 303, Reputation: 135
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    #8

    Mar 9, 2010, 07:01 AM

    I can only speculate to what reasons she has but as the others say you need to back off and leave her alone. Realise that the more you push it right now the farther you push her away.
    hungtoronto's Avatar
    hungtoronto Posts: 162, Reputation: 34
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    #9

    Mar 9, 2010, 07:09 AM

    Sledsik,


    Breakup are tough for both the dumper and dumpee. I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago so I can give you my perspective. She doesn't want to talk to you part of the reason could be that she doesn't want to bring back the feeling she had for you. Maybe there are trouble in your relationship that you are not aware of.

    The way I think about it is if I started talking to my ex and be friend then it would cause me more uneccesaray pain. It's better for you to leave her alone and if she decided she want to talk to you she will.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert
     
    #10

    Mar 9, 2010, 07:41 AM

    Actions speak louder than words. Her actions clearly show that she's not longer interested, that's all you really need to know.

    Don't need to beat yourself up about it by figuring out the reasoning. It's completely unnecessary.

    Spend your time doing something else, something positive for yourself. Hang out with friends. Keep yourself distracted so that you don't have to sort out the facts.
    Sledsik's Avatar
    Sledsik Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #11

    Mar 9, 2010, 10:43 AM

    I want to get over it but it just bothers me that she won't even give me one word. I sent her a message a few days ago before I made this thread and told her that I don't hate her and that I don't want her to hate me either. I also said that Ill always care about her and how she's doing and if she needs anyone to talk to that Ill be there. I didn't mention that I wanted to get back with her I just wanted to tell her how I feel. Our relationship lasted only 9 months but I did love the girl a lot. After being broken up for 3 months Im a lot better than I was but still think about her when I wake up. Just bothers me that somebody you loved won't even give you the time of day, even after sending a message like that.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #12

    Mar 9, 2010, 10:49 AM

    That's one of the reasons NC and the dignified silence works-for you and your own healing.

    It ends the confusion of waiting for replies to messages that may never happen.

    Keep moving on and know that it gets better day by day.
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #13

    Mar 9, 2010, 11:08 AM
    If she came here and said "i broke up with my bf and im having problems keeping my mind straight" wed tell her No Contact. Absolutely.

    Same goes for you.

    I've reconnected with exs down the line, as friends again, but it took time and distance. My experience is keeping contact as "just friends" during the getting over it stage only causes delayed healing and often causes more problems. And keeping in contact with hopes of getting back together is also a bad idea.

    So... please respect her need to step away. It doesn't diminish whatever you had. Its just reality. An ex in your life makes life harder most of the time.
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #14

    Mar 9, 2010, 11:11 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sledsik View Post
    Thanks for the input everyone. I guess its just been hard to accept the facts. What I dont get is that she left me a message 2 months ago saying how I was the best boyfriend I coulda been to anybody and that she said shell always be there to talk to. Something just doesnt add up. Im getting tired of thinking bout her everyday but dont know how to shut it off..
    Clearly,she has had a change of heart or perhaps she just wasn't into you in a boyfriend ,girlfriend kind of way.
    Maybe she didn't have romantic feelings toward you.
    There is a ton of good advice on this site that will help you to get over her and move on.
    It takes works but if you apply the tools you can make it easier on yourself.
    Stay busy and focus on making yourself happy.
    It does get better with time but you also have to be willing to accept the facts so you can begin to heal.
    Sledsik's Avatar
    Sledsik Posts: 45, Reputation: 2
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    #15

    Mar 9, 2010, 11:14 AM
    Her birthday is in April. Should I send her a card, say happy birthday or let it be then? I don't want to be a by not saying anything but you probably know better than I do.
    hungtoronto's Avatar
    hungtoronto Posts: 162, Reputation: 34
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    #16

    Mar 9, 2010, 11:19 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sledsik View Post
    Her birthday is in april. Should I send her a card, say happy birthday or let it be then? I dont want to be a by not saying anything but you prolly know better than I do.
    The fact that you're asking the question, it shows that you still care. You only send a card or wish happy birthday if you want her back. It was a difficult decision for me as well, Christmas, new year, valentine, birthday. I manage to do nothing. And if you think that you are being mean or feel guilty, don't because she let you go.
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #17

    Mar 9, 2010, 11:23 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sledsik View Post
    Her birthday is in april. Should I send her a card, say happy birthday or let it be then? I dont want to be a by not saying anything but you prolly know better than I do.
    I think it would look as if you are trying to get back into her good graces by sending a card.
    Your best bet is no contact !
    You need to let this go for your own peace of mind.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #18

    Mar 9, 2010, 11:57 AM

    No contact=no cards-ever.
    Save your money and treat yourself instead.
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #19

    Mar 9, 2010, 12:10 PM
    I agree... while I don't think you have to be a jerk... if you've tried to contact her and you get nothing back... well, that says "i really need to not talk to you" from her side...

    And if you send her that card... what that says is "im here for you no matter what"... which people like to say all the time but its really a TERRIBLE thing to do... to say you have no standards of what treatment is acceptable? Ick to that!

    Loving someone "no matter what" is largely overrated and usually not sustainable...

    The other thing sending a card does is it doesn't let her feel what life is without you. And, like it or not, she NEEDS to feel what its like to be without you...

    If she finds that its not bearable, fine. If she finds its doable, fine. But its early in the breakup and I think sending that card just feeds into your secret desire to get back with her... and it doesn't let her experience what this breakup really means... that you two are not together, not as bf/gf... and not as best buds.

    You don't have her back... you are trying to cover your own...
    Lucky098's Avatar
    Lucky098 Posts: 2,594, Reputation: 543
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    #20

    Mar 9, 2010, 12:52 PM

    Your x girlfriend won't talk to you because she is your x girlfriend. You need to move on.

    I once read in a book that broke some rules, that if you want to get someone back, begging for them to talk to you.. Crying to them how much you miss them, etc, Actually drives that person further away from you.

    She left you because something went wrong. She doesn't want to talk to you because she is either over you or torn inside that it didn't work out. Making a scene for her to see is not going to make her want you, need you, or even want to talk to you.

    Be confident. Show her that you can handle this better than she can. Let her come to you. Advise her that YES you will be there for her. But leave it at that. Don't get emotional. Don't get whiney or clingy. She fell in love with a man who was confident about himself. Not someone who is feeling sorry for himself. Or playing the "what if" game.

    Maybe that type of approach will work for you. --- And no... Don't send her a card for her birthday. Sweet you may think... But strange, over emotional, and kind of unnecessary is what she is going to think. If you're on talking terms by her birthday.. Buy her a small gift with no significant meaning to it. -- That's what I would do anyway

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