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Heartbrokeohio · Jan 27, 2010, 08:12 AM

We dated for 2 1/2 years. Never a rocky relationship. It has mostly been long distance but she lived with me for about 10 months. She basically pulled the rug out from under me, for she came to visit over the holidays for 3 weeks and never said anything to me about not being happy. 3 days later she started acting not like herself. Couple days after that she told me she needs space. We are still in contact with each other, but she won't give me any answers on getting back together. She just says the book is not written on us yet and it will take time. Days go by like weeks Ive lost 15 lbs and can't sleep. Im still in shock... why did this happen. After talking to others she made it very clear to other people that we were having problems, but NEVER to me. I was the only one who did not know. Its so painful what should I do? I so want her back I will do anything.

amicon · Jan 27, 2010, 09:53 AM

When they want space-back off and go no contact.
This will help you clear your head and get your life back on track.

The last thing you should be wanting is waiting around in limbo like a puppy.

ohsohappy · Jan 27, 2010, 10:00 AM

The fact is that she might not be coming back, and she probably didn't talk to you about it because she didn't want to fix it, she probably decided it was time to move on for her and had no intention of fixing anything. I could definitely be wrong though if she still willingly talks to you.
The important thing that you need to do is not badger her about if and when you're getting back together. If you push at her too much you definitely won't. Either talkm to her like JUST a friend or go in to no contact, that's all you can do until she decides what she wants.

CarrotTalker · Jan 27, 2010, 10:15 AM

Also, try not to beat yourself up too much.

It was her decision to not tell you anything and keep any of the problems she had to herself.

Are you sure you really want to spend more time with someone who can't be honest with you and share their feelings?

I wish · Jan 27, 2010, 11:48 AM

We have no idea what's going to happen in the future, so why not focus on the present? The current situation is that you're not a couple. She wants to do her own thing, while stringing you along.

If she has issues with you, she should work them out WITH you. Instead, she's off doing her own thing while you wait around and suffer. How is that fair to you?

You've become her safety net. If she can't find what she's looking for, then she can always come crying back to you. Is that what you want to be? Her backup plan?

Quit sitting by the phone waiting for her to call. You're at a standstill, move forward with your life.

sully123 · Jan 27, 2010, 02:20 PM

Sorry for the break-up. She decided to move on and you have to except it. Whatever reason you may never know. Let it be, you can't change things. It is ,what it is. Staying in contact with each other is not going to help now. You need to do your own thing. You don't need to be dangled. She doesn't want to discuss the relationship for whatever reason.

jimseekinadvice · Jan 27, 2010, 02:37 PM

Sorry bud, your just going to have try to move on.. dont wait around.. trust me.. you'll regret it... why fight for someone who isn't willing to fight for you?

emopunk7 · Jan 28, 2010, 03:24 AM

First of all, I'm very sorry this happened to you. You should begin NC right away so that you can heal. You don't really want to be with someone who does not communicate important issues regarding the two of you. That is no good. She is no good for you and it will take some time to get over it but it's doable. Once it doesn't work, it never does and believe me I learned the hard way. Who's to say she won't pull something else again from under the carpet? Seems like there's a lot of things under it. Don't hang in there just to see what else that magician pulls out. Move on! Her loss and your gain!

hopeflies · Jan 28, 2010, 06:55 AM

Sorry to hear that you are going through this - I am in the same boat actually.

I have doubted the NC thing but after speaking with some friends and really listending to what people are telling us on this site I think it has to be the best thing we can do for ourselves.

Someone told me that I can move on with my life and if he comes back then great - I will be in a better position. If he doesn't - I have moved on and will be in a happier place. Either way I win. The alternative is not something I want to think about - being stuck in limbo for months on end.

I find it hard to give advice myself considering my heart tries to fight what everyone else is telling me - but be strong and we are all here for you!

snow4boarding · Feb 5, 2010, 03:25 PM

First off, I am in the same situation, and I went through it 3 times with my girlfriend of over a year and a half. It hurts and it's going to hurt. But you need to take care of yourself and eat. If anything she is not going to want to come back to you if you are a mess. The only thing that is going to make her come back to you is if you act like nothing is wrong and that your life is back on track and you are succeeding and know what you want. I wouldn't talk to her too much or bug her about it, because the more you push her on the subject, the more you push her away. Right now you just need to make yourself a number one priority and take care of yourself. It helps if you keep yourself busy and surrounded by people. When you start thinking about it go work out or go for a jog. It will take time, but if she still wants to talk to you and you don't push her, I'm sure things will work themselves out. She just needs time to think about what she wants and she needs to get her life together.

talaniman · Feb 5, 2010, 03:46 PM

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped, at least have the dignity and self respect to disappear from their lives.

You may be suffering, and in shock now, making you desperate for any crumb she FEELS like giving you, but if you cut all ties, and attachments, to her, you will recover without the false hope she is feeding you, that makes you weak.

She was not honest, and straight forward, when you were together, so don't expect her to be honest, with you now.

She is playing you, keeping you as a back up for when she gets bored, while she is having a great time doing her thing, while you suffer. Sound fair to you? Of course not, so disappear from her life.

There is a good reason why we all are telling you the same thing.

Because its 100% true!!!!

JTK8800 · Oct 8, 2011, 11:25 PM

As a 43 year-old guy, I thought I'd know better. She's 40, intelligent (M.I.T.twice), type A, the best gal I've ever known. We were really good until we moved in together. We both changed-less sex, more TV, conflicts, etc. After some 'timeouts', she left. A friend put it to me like an arrow through the head-"she let you down easy"! I've tried just about everything to have her back, but the more I try, the more futile it becomes. She's moved out and vacationing down in the Caribbean for a week with her friends. Reading these posts has been a big help. For all those out there who are in doubt, watch out for the little things. If they slip away, take it seriously! As noble as it may seem to try and win her back, don't get yourself into that situation in the first place. When she's left once or twice, you are out! As for the poster who's lost weight-emotional damage is one thing, but physical damage is another-mental strain should really be taken seriously!