|
|
|
|
New Member
|
|
Jan 23, 2010, 04:12 PM
|
|
Dealing with adult daughters
What is it with adult daughters? Do they all go through this?
I have 35, 29 and 25 year old daughters. I adore them with all my heart. And tell them so.
They have all gone through a faze or time when they hate me and are angry at me and think I am the meanest mom on earth. They say I yelled at them and said mean things, honestly when they describe what I "said" it is exaggerated greatly in their mind and they are not thinking/remembering what may have brought on the incident or how they talked to me. What is up with this? Can I please get some feed back from Mothers who have adult daughters? Thank you.
|
|
|
Uber Member
|
|
Jan 23, 2010, 04:18 PM
|
|
Want an answer from an adult daughter? My mother seems to think I'm 10 or 11 and tends to say whatever crosses her mind, whenever it crosses her mind, because "she's my mother." It's a problem for my siblings and it's a problem for me. She is simply overly-critical, always has been and doesn't bother to try to hide it.
I don't know what your situation is but being someone's mother is not a license to be rude or unkind.
|
|
|
New Member
|
|
Jan 23, 2010, 04:36 PM
|
|
Thank you JudyKayTee, I sympathize with you. I am going to really watch how I interact with them closely, because I don't want to alienate them from me. I don't believe I treat them like they are 10 and I don't criticize them. I do give advise. I watch what I say though and keep my mouth shut most of the time because I know they would not take what I say like they would someone else.
|
|
|
Ultra Member
|
|
Jan 24, 2010, 12:56 AM
|
|
Are these things that you have done in the present or in the past?
If they are in the present then you need to pull up your socks and stop being a 'mommy', if they are in the past they need to grow up and get over it. However, saying mean things to anyone at any age is not on.
With daughters that are 35, 29 and 25 it's time to let them live their own lives and for them to let you live yours. Practice 'loving detachment', you'll be surprised at how the dynamic will change.
|
|
|
New Member
|
|
Jan 24, 2010, 09:16 PM
|
|
Hi Gemimni,
Thank you for responding. This is in the past, and I don't and never have said mean things to them. That's why I don't understand. I was strict when they were young. I had to be the primary disciplinarian. I was divorced and then remarried and that was not a good marriage.
|
|
|
Ultra Member
|
|
Jan 24, 2010, 09:19 PM
|
|
Originally Posted by Sissielala
Hi Gemimni,
Thank you for responding. This is in the past, and I don't and never have said mean things to them. Thats why I don't understand. I was strict when they were young. I had to be the primary disciplinarian. I was divorced and then remarried and that was not a good marraige.
Well if it's in the past - then for heaven's sake, they need to get over it! We all have times in our youth when we don't agree with what our parents said and did - but hey, growing up means letting go of this stuff.
They are old enough now, to put it in the past and put it into perceptive.
Don't pander to them by engaging in such conversations. Just let them know that you did your best and what's done is done. Tell them you're not prepared to go over old stuff any more.
|
|
|
Full Member
|
|
Jan 24, 2010, 11:10 PM
|
|
If you did what you could to raise your girls, I don't think that you are in the minority when you say that your adult children have "hated" you in the past. There are many really nice women that I know that have had strained relationships with their mother at some point and have eventually learned how to deal with disagreements in an adult manner. When one is younger, a person that disagrees with you is not your friend (unless you are mature enough to see them as helping you) and especially if it is coming from "mom". As you get older, a young woman realizes that you can keep a relationship going and agree to disagree.
|
|
|
New Member
|
|
Jan 25, 2010, 03:53 PM
|
|
Originally Posted by Gemini54
Well if it's in the past - then for heaven's sake, they need to get over it! We all have times in our youth when we don't agree with what our parents said and did - but hey, growing up means letting go of this stuff.
They are old enough now, to put it in the past and put it into perceptive.
Don't pander to them by engaging in such conversations. Just let them know that you did your best and what's done is done. tell them you're not prepared to go over old stuff any more.
That is what I do! You saying that made me realize it, I pander to them, I have a "guilt complex" so I am always "sorry" and take the blame for everything with them.. Thank you for you help
|
|
|
New Member
|
|
Jan 25, 2010, 03:55 PM
|
|
Originally Posted by rosemcs
If you did what you could to raise your girls, I don't think that you are in the minority when you say that your adult children have "hated" you in the past. There are many really nice women that I know that have had strained relationships with their mother at some point and have eventually learned how to deal with disagreements in an adult manner. When one is younger, a peson that disagrees with you is not your friend (unless you are mature enough to see them as helping you) and especially if it is coming from "mom". As you get older, a young woman realizes that you can keep a relationship going and agree to disagree.
This is good to know, that many others go through the same thing with daughters. Thank you
|
|
Question Tools |
Search this Question |
|
|
Add your answer here.
Check out some similar questions!
Dealing with an abusive adult child
[ 58 Answers ]
My daughter is 20 yrs old. I was divorced from her mother for 3 years. I'm recently re-married. My daughter is very manipulative and has caused major damage towards my wife and new family. She wants me to leave my wife so that she can control me the way her mother did for 20 years in a very abusive...
Evicting Adult Daughters
[ 3 Answers ]
My mother has two adult daughter that are making he life hell. She is now ready to start eviction proceedings. They are on her lease listed as occupants and can only be removed if there is proof of a new address for them. What court should she start with and where should she go to get the...
Adult daughters aren't talking to me
[ 1 Answers ]
My wife and I divorced when my daughters were 11 and 14, the reason for the divorce was that during our marriage my wife was having an affair we tried working things out but divorced. She continuted to see the same man for the last 14 years and I ended up marrying a woman in our neighborhood. My...
View more questions
Search
|