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laterstuff · Dec 11, 2009, 06:16 AM

I am a 45yo male with very strong feelings for a 26 yo str8 guy. Seems every time we plan to have sex, something on his behalf prevents stalls the event such as family. This doesn't seem healthy but then again, I am out of ideas of how to handle the situation.

redhed35 · Dec 11, 2009, 06:28 AM

If he is straight,why are you persueing him?

Why not put your energy into finding a date/relationship with someone who has the same ideas as you?

It would seem a waste of time to consider a man who is not gay and worry about something that may never happen.

My advice is to let this one go,and move on.

amicon · Dec 11, 2009, 06:48 AM

Yes let this go,he's straight you say so it seems he's not interested in a relationship with you.

Devorameira · Dec 11, 2009, 07:36 AM

I'd say he definitely is having second thoughts about having sex with you. Give it up and move on. Find someone that you know has the same sexual preferences that you have.

laterstuff · Dec 11, 2009, 10:10 AM

Here is another part of the issue... he lives with me... and HE gets in MY bed every night!!

redhed35 · Dec 11, 2009, 10:13 AM

Your posts are not adding up..

If he is getting into your bed every night,how is he making excuses not to have sex with you?

artlady · Dec 11, 2009, 10:28 AM

If he is hesitating there is a reason ,even if he is sending you mixed signals the bottom line is ,if he is straight ,he may only be interested in you for sex.

If you want to have a relationship where you are used and tossed aside when the fun and games are over ,than go for it.

In the long run,you will be setting yourself up for disappointment and pain ,particularity if you are in love with him.

There must be other, more available and willing people to be intimate with.I would let this fantasy go.Odds of him changing his sexual preference are low to none and where will that leave you?
Move on.

this8384 · Dec 11, 2009, 10:44 AM

Originally Posted by laterstuff

Here is another part of the issue....he lives with me....and HE gets in MY bed every night!!!!!!

So kick him out.

Problem solved.

talaniman · Dec 11, 2009, 11:19 AM

He comes to your bed every night, and you haven't explored sex? I doubt if he is making excuses then. More like confusion, or conflict, as to his identity, than it is about sex. Whatever is going on here, you had better clear it up, or tell him to stay in his own bed.

He can't be too straight if he is coming to your bed every night. Seems you should be recognizing his confusion, and helping him rather than worrying over the sex, that's the only unhealthy part here, as I see it. Clearly he isn't ready for sex.

Enigma1999 · Dec 11, 2009, 11:34 AM

Hello Later,

I'm not really understanding this... You say that this straight man lives with you and you want to make love to him, and he makes up reasons as to why he can't, however, he gets into bed with you... WHY? If he doesn't want to make love to you, then why why why is he in your bed at night? That doesn't make a whole lot of sense. There is more to your story then you are telling. No one can really answer your questions if the whole story isn't being told.

Oh, and I agree with Talaniman. How can you two be in the same bed at night and haven't explored sex yet...

Enigma1999

amicon · Dec 11, 2009, 11:40 AM

I'm confused-he sleeps in your bed but family business stalls sex?

Cat1864 · Dec 11, 2009, 02:14 PM

Put a lock on your door and use it. He doesn't come into your personal space without your invitation or permission. You don't go into his personal space without his invitation or permission. That would keep him out of YOUR bed.

Does he pay rent? Does he have the impression that 'sleeping' in your bed is paying rent or part of 'being allowed to live there'?

Where's the rest of the story such as what measures you have taken to 'handle' the situation?

Somehow, I get the feeling that someone is playing games and I am not sure which one of you that is or what the game is.

Devorameira · Dec 11, 2009, 03:11 PM

Are there other details you haven't disclosed? Sounds like a mess to me. Have you considered getting a different man to share your apartment with?

slapshot_oi · Dec 11, 2009, 09:34 PM

There's no way this guy is straight and he's not playing games. He sounds confused and at 26 you very well could be his first, so naturally, he's nervous and indecisive.

I'm guessing when you say "family stalls the event", you mean his family as in his wife (which would qualify him as straight, I guess) and kid, not mom and dad. That would stop anyone in their tracks.

Talaniman is right again, he is gay but he's just not ready to take the plunge yet and you are pressuring him, even if you've never mentioned sex to him before (you clearly have), I'm sure it's written all over your face. Make this about him, and not you.

jmjoseph · Dec 11, 2009, 09:45 PM

The only way I see this making any sense is if this "straight" guy is staying with you for free.

Is that what's going on? Is he staying with you, and "paying" his rent with a mere PROMISE oF sex ?

If so, then you are being played, big time.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 11, 2009, 09:56 PM

I use this example, in cases like this,

First if he is straight he has no desire and does not want to have sex with you. To want to have sex with you he will have to be at least bi and maybe gay

But if he is straight he has no desire to have sex with you. You can want or desire all you want, it sounds like he is playing you? Perhaps for a place to stay ?

Jake2008 · Dec 12, 2009, 12:06 AM

Well, lots of people share a bed and don't have sex; causes problems for all kinds of relationships.

You need to talk to him about your feelings for him, vs. his feelings for you. If you have discussed having sex with him, and you are continuously turned down, I would say that this is not going to turn out well for you.

If you have strong feelings for him, and he does not have the same feelings for you, and the relationship was just sex, you would also probably be left feeling hurt.

Maybe separate sleeping arrangements would be a good idea until you know better what direction this is heading.

Alty · Dec 12, 2009, 12:30 AM

I have to agree with everyone else. Something isn't adding up.

If he's straight then he's straight. A straight guy doesn't have sex with another guy. That's why we call it being straight.

If he's gay then he's not straight and he's just not interested in a relationship with you.

If he's bi then he's sending mixed signals, at least according the very little info you gave us.

Either way, I say get over him. Find someone that's willing to have a relationship with you. Although you know of course that sex doesn't equal a relationship. Right?

laterstuff · Dec 14, 2009, 08:44 PM

Thanks for the assistance. He is gone!

Cat1864 · Dec 15, 2009, 06:03 AM

Good. I think you can do a lot better than someone who at best is confused about what he wants.

Good luck in the future.