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    glorililly's Avatar
    glorililly Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 29, 2009, 12:40 AM
    Loves me,Cant live without me But Doesn't want to Marry me
    Hi there,
    I have a problem with my relatuinship,me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years,it was he who proposed me and who insisted on commitment and marriage.we had a vry good and great moments together even though we had small fights in between that was common in every relationship.Initially I was not ready for all these things like love and marriage rather didn't thought of these things as I want to concentrate on my carrier I am a medical student by the way.It was this person who made me think that I should have someone special in my life... As days went on and as we spent time together I totally fell for him and I started loving him madly... then started our small small fights,but we were back again had our great time together... I used to get excited when I think about my future with him that was the only thing I wanted the most in my life...
    Actually this person was not sure about commitment(coz he used to say I am committed and sometimes he used to fear about his parents because we belong to different religion).But then I used to believe whatever he said what he felt for me.Then last month we had a small fight and I stopped contacting him expecting him to come back(coz it was his mistake) as I expected he called me on July 1st to wish me on doctors day.I thought everything was normal I spoke to him normally.But something was missing from his side.I asked him what's wrong He says"i can't marry you".I asked him is this your final decision he says "ya it is".withou asking for a reason I let him to go.we didn't spoke for 5 days and then he contacted me to ask me howz everything going with me.I said everything is fine and we had a casual talk.
    Then after he called me or text me everyday saying "i love you" at the end (but I didn't responed because I believe when you love someone truly then you would marry them) we used to have a vry casual talks.But day before y'day we were having our casual talks and suddenly he asked me whether I still love him or not I said you I do.I asked him can he live without me and he said no I cant.I then asked him did you felt bad for leaving me he says "no i never felt bad".I broke into tears and I asked him then why did return? He says "I know u suffer alot when suchthings(he means our break up) happen with u wont be able to concentrate on ur routine so i just wanted to tell u that concentrate on ur carrier.I was Confused by his statements....he says he can't marry me coz his parents wont accept me(but before making those promises he dint realized that his parents wont accept me??) .I said nothing i just said its ur wish... then he asked me whats ur wish i said "when you took your decision it doesn't make any difference if I wish something else"... and I kept the phone.


    Iam totally confused by hs stamente he can't live without me but he can't marry me? Which was true he know... I need your help to make things clear does he loves me truly or else he was just passing time until he gets married to the one of his parents choice.But I love him madly and like a crazy there were many nights which I spent just by crying... I used to broke up into tears whenever he calls me... he is a nice person he used to say about our relationship after getting married how he's going to manage things to make me comfortable... the thought of marriage that made me fell for him madly because he used to be so sweet to talk about our marriage and kids... But now he says he can't marry me... without a genuine reason... I don't know what to do.whether to contact him or not.. whether should I receive his calls if he contacts me.what are his feelings for me? I am totally confused... please help... I still love him madly...
    ajGambino's Avatar
    ajGambino Posts: 317, Reputation: 97
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    #2

    Jul 29, 2009, 12:52 AM

    My ex would say the same thing. She would want to be with me but didn't want to marry me. She was very negative towards any deeper commitment. After months of me knowing she didn't want to marry me, she left me.

    I'm sorry to say, but maybe he knows deep down that you aren't the one. Either way, you need to sit him down and talk about things. Let him know how you feel. It may not be the answers you're looking for but it's what you should do and what you need to hear.


    Oh... and I know you love him. Who wouldn't love someone after a two year relationship? Just be prepared for anything that's thrown at you, try to be strong and always remember that NC works best if things turn for the worst.
    zippit's Avatar
    zippit Posts: 693, Reputation: 117
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    #3

    Jul 29, 2009, 01:07 AM
    [QUOTE=glorililly;1888121]hi there,
    I
    Even though we had small fights in between that was common in every relationship.
    Then last month we had a small fight and I stopped contacting him expecting
    QUOTE]

    Sometimes when someone is raised with fights,either from watching parents
    Or siblings they tend to believe or accept that these small fights are normal
    When in fact they really are not.The answer to you'r question lies in the reasons
    For these small fights.how do you know they were small?would he say they were
    Small fights, or would he say "we fight all the time and im sick of it" ?
    Something to think about anyway
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
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    #4

    Jul 29, 2009, 10:00 AM

    Up your value. Walk away. Take a breather.

    Only then will you know if they have any deeper words or plans that match yours.

    Ps - how old are you all?
    mugger's Avatar
    mugger Posts: 191, Reputation: 26
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    #5

    Jul 29, 2009, 10:37 AM

    What is the reason you want to get married? If it's out of love you shouldn't need a label like marriage. If it's out of respect and building a life together (more like a business merger) then I say go for it.
    Marriage is the joining of two lives, not loves.
    That's just my opinion on the matter, to each their own. Good luck in whatever you decide.
    glorililly's Avatar
    glorililly Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Jul 30, 2009, 03:11 AM
    Hi,
    Our small small fights... I mean they were really small... though we stopped talking but we got backtogether again... I used to get frustated and say him that... things were not going fine and loose my hope... But he was like "its a vry much normal in evry relationship n udont loose hope that easily these fights will bring more affection n love..he was right...our love started increasing after every fight n we got to know each other more deeply n v moved more closely after our fights...That might be strange to hear but that happened in our relationship...And ASH123 i even believe the samething when u move out then that person will realisz ur value....so iam not talking to him but iam sure he will contact me on my birthday thats coming month.so should i receive his call or not??And to remember u once again it was he who insisted on commitment n marriage he always used to talk about our marriage n kids..n used to say that "We shall get married even if our parents don't accept because he can't live without me".....but dont know now he gives me a reason that his parents wont accept me so he doesnt want to marry me.......
    Iam really so confused......????? n to mugger i believe marriage is the only thing which not only keeps two lifes but two souls together.....coz me n my boyfriend respect marriage alot n you can marry someone only if u think u can spend ur whole life with that someone "SPECIAL" n u will do anything to get married to that person... But I am not able to get him... his reasons... why did he thought of we getting married if he thinks that I am not the one..?
    mugger's Avatar
    mugger Posts: 191, Reputation: 26
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    #7

    Jul 30, 2009, 10:12 AM

    Just curious- why do you need that title? Marriage is one of the hardest things to do. It requires a lot of work and compromise. Being married is nothing like dating.
    While marriage does work for some people, it appears that your boyfriend might not have the same ideas.
    People change all the time, but you cannot change another person. He wants what he wants.
    Out of curiosity, how old are you?
    Not talking to him doesn't sound very mature- that's why I'm asking your age.
    glorililly's Avatar
    glorililly Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Jul 31, 2009, 12:58 AM

    Iam 22yrs any by boyfriend is 27yrs... But I feel mature enough to tacle my problems because I was always successful in in getting my boyfriend back by not keeping in contact with him... And I am sure that even this time he returns to me but I want him to be more committed... like marrying me... and I am sure we can have a great life after marriage because that's the thing which we both dreamt of... for now I am silent and want him to take a step ahead and think of more serious commitment.. its not that he never thought of marrying me but his thoughts kept changing now-a-days... n I won't force him for any commitment but I expect that he should take the decision by his own but not by force... n it should be for his happiness my happiness and our hapiness... thats it...
    mugger's Avatar
    mugger Posts: 191, Reputation: 26
    Junior Member
     
    #9

    Jul 31, 2009, 10:33 AM

    Yes, but why does it have to be marriage? If you guys keep splitting up, what's the point? Right now it is free to split up, but when it comes to being married it will cost you both thousands of dollars, not to mention a great deal of stress. I mean no disrespect, but it doesn't sound like a stable relationship if you two can't keep from splitting.
    There is a saying that goes- if you love something set it free and it if comes back then it's meant to be, but another phrase pops to mind- fool me once, shame on you and fool me twice, shame on me. How many times have you two split up? That should give you a better picture.
    zippit's Avatar
    zippit Posts: 693, Reputation: 117
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    #10

    Jul 31, 2009, 03:53 PM
    Glorililly;
    But don't know now he gives me a reason that his parents won't accept me so he doesn't want to marry me...
    Iam really so confused
    You are contradicting yourself how can he dream of marring you,and not want to marry you because his parents don't accept you at the same time?
    glorililly's Avatar
    glorililly Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Aug 2, 2009, 04:56 AM
    To tell you guys as I expected he called me today to wish me "happy friendship day" actually he msged me in the mrng for which I replied and he called me the nxt moment.we had a vry casual talk but then our conversation ended into a bitter one of course I am responsible though he was sweet to me I couldn't control my sorrow and I said him that I won't call him and asked him not to contact me again.I said the same thing last Sunday also but he contacted me again I wonder that the things are repeating.What should I do now for how long should I follow the NC period.Shouldnt I reply even to his calls because I am sure he will call me nxt week because its my Birthday.shouldn't I receive the call on my birthday also? Please suggest me something I am out of mind and I really want him back... Let me tell you once again he will definitely call me on my birthday that's coming week... should I receive his call or not?? please help..
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #12

    Aug 2, 2009, 03:27 PM
    Your continued use of texting and chat speak will be deleted after this posting.

    I think you stop all contact until he is ready for what you are, and will go against his parents. Otherwise whats the point????
    zippit's Avatar
    zippit Posts: 693, Reputation: 117
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    #13

    Aug 2, 2009, 03:42 PM

    Why wait for his call on your birthday

    When you can be out with someone new

    Why worry about this call?
    Its your birthday the last thing I would want is a call from someone that I wasn't stable with.
    Unless you want to fight or get upset
    crispilogic's Avatar
    crispilogic Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Mar 5, 2011, 02:28 PM
    Hi there..
    I am having same feelings that's why I searched it on net..
    As you have said that your boyfriend wants to leave you as he wants you to continue your carrer he wants you to be successful.. the question here is that from last 2 years of your relationship you are studying medical and how tough the studies are every one knows that.. Well he is immature or confused he came to realize it after spending 2 years.. every girl looks for a MAN not a BOY..
    In your case you should have a face to face final dialogue with him and ask him last time whether he wants to marry you or not..
    If he is still keeping you in mystry than you should move on other wise it will effect your studies and you will be broke completely..

    You should move on don't rely on his false hopes or anything.. there should be a commitment this time..
    Take care
    Adnan
    glorililly's Avatar
    glorililly Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Mar 19, 2011, 11:33 PM

    Hi friends thanks a lot for all your answers and support... when I wrote this letter I was expecting his come back and as expected he came back again we started our relatinship... but he was still with a confused mind... its been 3yrs passed... now I am mature enough I am done with my studies... but he was immature to take his own decisions he still repeated the same thing he will marry me only if his parents agree... our relationshp was 4yrs old but still he can't commit that's what made me think about my future with him... he is not the one for me... I don't know he was there just for timepassing with me or something else... I couldn't make out what's in his mind... when you are in a relationship especially for such a long time... u will definitely u'stand the other person... but I couldn't... coz he never kept his thoughts openly... he was not determined to his decisions... he used to change his decisions... he was just making false promises to allow the time to pass... at times he used to say you we shall get married but when I used to ask him very serious he says I need my parents permission(doesn't he know that his parents won't won't accept before proposing me or asking for my commitment)... now my mind got cleared of things and I said him goodbye... coz I need commitment in a relationship... I just can't be in a relationship for timepassing... he was not right for me and I am finally out of that relationship a yr ago... he still contacted me to know about me but I told him not to contact me bcoz it was difficult for me to move on with his presence now he stopped contacting me it took me 6months to come out of that pain but still I made myself busy in my sudies and stuff so could come out of it and I've started my life a fresh since 6months... ya it was painfull to leave someone who was part of your life for 4yrs but when he can't commit for marriage even after 4yrs of relationship then it thought its better I leave him... but still I am happy with my carrier bcoz if he wouldn't have been there in my life then it was my carrier I love the most... thank you for your support guys... be happy live happy... take care..
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #16

    Mar 19, 2011, 11:58 PM

    Have a great life-I'm proud of and happy for you!
    311Falling's Avatar
    311Falling Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Aug 1, 2011, 05:01 PM
    Hi there:
    I have a similar story I have been dating this guy for 3 months and he started by joking about us getting married and me being pregnet with his child and he finally asked me one day "if i were to ask you to marry me what would you say" and I had too much pride and had doubts so I said if it was for the right reasons and he said I was the right reason that the chances are he could not find another like me and said he would ask me soon so. Finally when it came down to talking about the actual process of marriage he carried on the conversation as if he had made no promises. It hurt me so much I was scared at the idea of marriage but I loved him and would at least have been with him. But the broken promise hurt me more than I would imagine he is 7 years older than me he should know better so I walked away as much as it hurt and well I still remember him. Its up to you if you want to stay in this relationship or leave. Just know its for your well being and if he does love you he will go to you. (Me: Still waiting) My story is just here if you need help if you are leaving.

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