I would like to know your thoughts on this. I honestly feel like if the dumpee acts the right way they in the long run have more power. The dumper will always expect the person to be waiting around for them. However the dumpee can move on with their life and make the dumper feel like an idiot for dumping them. Who has more power do you think?

The person who is least interested in maintaining the relationship has the power. It doesn't matter who "said it first". Go your separate ways and don't look back.

The person who does not try to be more powerful is, more powerful. Life is ironic.

I don't believe first there should be power or a winner or loser, anytime a true relationship breaks down, both sides lose.

This is usually quite true. There is a difference between being controlling and being in control. There is a difference between being dominant and being domineering.

The problem with this question is that it focuses on power and control, not unconditional love and compassion.

The problem with many relationships and the common ideas and phrases we use about them is that they are based on controlling or manipulating people or owning them. They refer to a lack of self-control and focus on controlling someone else or being controlled by someone else. "Falling in love" or "my better or other half" implies a lack of control and low-self esteem.

Women want a man who tells it like it is and has a stronger reality than them and when your reality is based on LOVE, not neediness or control, men will make women far happier.

Relationships are a one day at a time thing. We get into them with the intent of the long term or to see what we can learn from one until it is no longer appropriate with that person. Relationships are a learning experience and if they become no longer appropriate, we need to accept the other person for who they choose to be and how they choose to live their life. We need to wish them well and let them go. You can still be friends with them.

When we get "hurt" by break ups it's because we are choosing to be and it usually boils down to a low self-esteem, confusing neediness as love, being insecure or having other beliefs about relationships that imaginary and false. You get your security from self-love and self-acceptance.

Unconditional love means accepting people for who they are, but having enough love and dignity for yourself not to put up with people's games or abuse. People who are abused repeatedly, won't use their personal power to stop the abuse and won't leave a relationship because "they love the other person" are confusing neediness for love and do not have enough love for themselves to leave.

When we break up with someone, they deserve to know why, in case they want to learn something. Someone who doesn't tell you or avoids you, is usually scared but if they are too cold and manipative to tell you, they are doing you a favor by leaving you.

I think the power is equal. It all depends on how you look at it. A number can be positive or negative, yet they are the same distance away from zero, just heading in different directions.

We get hurt when we breakup because we have lost something of value and that hurts and we must grieve the end of anything of value and that grief includes feelings like sorrow and anger that are uncomfortable and difficult to deal with.

It has nothing to do with power. Sometimes the dumper is forced into the position of being the dumper because of the bad behavior of the dumpee. Other times the dumper makes a decision to walk away without a lot of explanation leaving the dumpee devastated. That doesn't mean that the dumper doesn't hurt.

Every situation is different. Every relationship end has its own set of balances and reasons.

The thing to do is to keep anyone from having any power over you. Closure is your deal and yours alone. You do not need to know why from someone else to find your own closure. The focus should be on you and your healing. No one can have any power over you unless you let them.

Moving on isn't about making someone else feel like an idiot. It's about moving on, healing and finding the right person for you (or being okay with being alone).

Although these are all fair points to make,it can depend on the situation, or instance.. A relationship breaks down because a partner has cheated, now in my opinion that person who was cheated on has the upperhand because the cheater will be ridiculed and more often then not will want to get back into the relationship? am I wrong?

Nobody has more power.

The problem with some people (whether it male or female) they just don't know how to let go and accept that the relationship is over. They live off false hope.

If someone tell me they don't want to be me--then I leave. You can force nor make someone be with you.

So the dumper nor the dumpee have held more power. They only held more power if a person allows them.

Unconditional love sounds so good to me, I always try to have it. However, Will you love someone who is cheating on you behind of your back under the name of "Unconditional Love"? What is the boundary?

There is really no power struggle, it's how each person deals with the break up that creates the power for themselves.

Example. If my fiancé breaks up with me, and I do not call here or become a text terrorist. I use the time to reflect on the relationship, get back on track of my life and hit the gym. I turn negatives into positives, well then I am giving myself the power I deserve.

Now, if she broke up with me and I am constantly being a phone terrorist and begging, myspacing and facebooking her pleading for her to reconsidering. I am relinquishing the power that I had within myself, thus giving her more power by losing my pride.

I think being lied to or misled is what really hurts people. Unconditional love is a fine notion, but there is no such thing as an unconditional relationship. I don't know of one couple that doesn't struggle with power and control. When you are in a relationship, you are choosing to share your life with someone else. Seeing as how no two people are exactly alike, there is going to be some overlapping values.
I think it's the severity of the overlapping values that make or break a relationship. It's the struggle itself that leads to compromise and understanding or not.

While it's true that an individual is responsible for their own happiness, we are social creatures and seeking acceptance is perfectly natural. When someone rejects us, it hurts no matter how strong your self-identity is.

In some cases, partners may seem to parrot the same concerns as close family members especially parents. In my opinion, this shows genuine love, but it may not be the love someone is seeking. Someone may be seeking acceptance for "who" they are because their parents don't "understand" them.

I personally believe that love is about holding someone responsible for their actions. Your "friends" may not care that you are wasting your life away, but someone who truly cares about you wants to see you succeed. This is not "control", but concern.

On a final note. A lot of the folks on this forum have been burned and burned badly. I think this leads to a lot of bad advice. I'm pretty sure most folks who split up resent their former partner a little bit because in relationships you sacrifice. If your sacrifices go unrewarded (breaking up), you feel foolish for giving in, in any way. I don't think people are truly ready to date again until they realize that those sacrifices are essential to making a relationship work. This, in my opinion is why most rebounds truly fail. The partner previously scorned is unwilling to change for "anyone" because they are still not done grieving.

There is a certain amount of conformity necessary in maintaining any personal relationship. Conformity does not mean losing one's identity. Conforming means coming together as a team to accomplish certain goals. I was in the military, and I was able to conform in order to accomplish the mission, however I never once lost my identity. If one or both partners in a relationship are unable to conform to one another, the relationship is doomed.

Sometimes though, the cheater may decide to leave the relationship and they have the upper hand. The one who was dumped for another is left at an unfair advantage and has no choice but to accept it. If the cheater wants a reconciliation then they are at the mercy of the person they cheated on.

The one who makes good decisions for themselves, and can be happy with the choices they have to make. That's the one with the real power.

Just because you love someone unconditionally doesn't mean that they can abuse you or cheat on you and you keep them in your lives. Some people need to be loved from a distance. For example, if someone I know puts themselves down a lot or me, I tell them that when they are in my presence, they are to love me and themselves or they have to go. It's OK for them to choose to be that way but not with me.

When we have problems in a relationship or are cheated on, we can't just pass blame or let it slide and forget it. We have to accept our role in the matter also. How did we invite into our life? Did we see signs and ignore them? Did we fail to make sure they were an integrous person when we met them? Did we allow them to flirt too many times? Were we too negative or did we ignore them too much? When people get cheated on, they often don't recognize their own role. They usually pass blame, act victimized and never learn if they had a part in the matter... only to repeat the experience again.

You have to understand that sometimes people cheat BECAUSE they are in love. Opening the heart is the single most scariest thing a human can do. Especially when not a lot of people have integrity and many of our ideas about love are really about neediness, ownership, and control. Secondly, when it comes to men, we were built for variety. It is a lie to tell a woman she is special and you won't desire the emotional and sexual connection of another. And because women are nurturing by nature and men are competitive, it is usually more acceptable for women to be with women than men with men. People disagree about this but it's self-evident.

However, when you are in a relationship, issues of jealousy, insecurity or other fears are going to come up. Too many people think this ruins relationships. This is false. What ruins them is when we can have sex but we can't talk about our feelings. Relationships are about naturally improving. They are about teaching the other person to love themselves and you on a higher level. It is about talking about fears, jealousy, insecurities, etc and working TOGETHER to dissolve them with love and compassion

The problem with the first part of this is that we are assuming that being ALOOF by acting uninterested is a powerful way to manipulate people. Being aloof is a way to get attention.

If a woman wants to leave me, I makes sure she tells me why, in case I want to learn something. But if she needs to go, she can go. I do not need to control, possess or own her. I am not going to be manipulated either, by having a woman threaten to leave me only to see if "I care." I get my security from self-love and self-acceptance. I don't need a woman to be secure.

Secondly, my actions are louder and more important than words, beliefs and faith. Though I am not afraid to tell a woman I love her, if she cannot tell just by my actions, she probably doesn't know what love is and/or how to truly love herself.

Too many dating magazines, books and "experts" tell people to be aloof to gain attention and power in relationships. If you are scared or to chicken to be yourself and get close to people, you are not mature enough for an adult relationship.