I am engadged to marry someone I have know and loved for 7 years now. He is a very good man and I trust he has always tried to live his life as christian as possible. He is not perfect obviously because a few years ago before we had gotten back together his ex came asking him for a favor and slept at his house. She was definitely the pursuer and they had one sexual encounter which she told him she was on BC and then after sex said she didn't say that. Exactly one month later she was pregnant. He has tried to do the right thing by her since then and stuck by her throughout the pregnancy. He is up to date with Child Support payments. He has never been married and really wants to marry me but, I am hesitant about financial obligations on my part. I want to by home and someday have children. If I own a home in only my name will she be entitled to part of it if we get married? I believe this child should have all she needs but I do not want to work hard myself to make my future children suffer to pay for another child that may not even be his biologically. We tried to get the paternity test and the court refused because he was naïve enough to sign the parentage form. This woman is very educated, over 35, working in the medical field, and I do believe she planned this pregnancy. In addition she sends him nasty text messages like.. "I am a single parent thanks to you!" Like as if she had no responsibility in the situation. Although, I believe no one was a victim and I don't want this child to suffer but I am afraid this woman could be very devious and try to take more than she really should (especially with me in the picture). My question is.. (what do I need to know to protect myself?)

First, you need to know that she IS a single mother because of your fiancée. Yes, it was partly her doing also, but she is not wrong.

As for your obligations, you do not have any. He is liable for a percentage of his salary and possibly shared child care expenses and insurance. You are not in the picture at all unless you live in a state where your income can be considered - but that is an exception, not the rule and usually subject to stipulations like he is willingly unemployed.

However, you mention living a "christian life" yet here you are concerned more for yourself than your future step child. Now, I'm not the most religious guy in the world, but that doesn't sound very "Christian" to me.

Why didn't he go for a paternity test?
Are you sure it was a one time 'mistake'?
Often when guys say 'a one time thing' it is
Only because they got caught and want it left alone.
IF YOU are buying a house I would definitely put the house in 'my name only'. That way I think if you divorce he can claim part in a settlement but I THINK she could then only go after his share of the settlement if any.

Dear "I'm a pretty good dad",
I don't think I ever blamed anyone or even used the words who is "right or wrong". Thank you for your non-judgemental and objective purely factual point of view? It is unfortunate that you read my letter asking for legal help to mean that I was more concerned for myself than a future step child for which we are still trying to get a paternity test and have yet to have met since she moved out of state from Cali to NJ.

P.S. I hope this is the same sound advice you would give your own child if they asked for your help in the future... "Pretty good dad".

It actually is.

Everyone needs to calm down. I can also see where the OP is coming from. If my husband's ex-wife were to go back to court, she'd could get up to an extra $235/month in child support. Do I worry about it? Of course I do - my stepchildren are well taken care of and I love them as much as their mother does. However, if she would get that increase, it would be absolutely devastating to our income and to our daughter we have together. So I can definitely sense the OP's apprehension.

To glasscastle: attacking members on this board - as you did to stevetcg - is completely out-of-line and not allowed on this board. He sees it in a different way but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're like everyone else. We get thousands of questions from new girlfriends/fiancees/wives who swear that their partner was an innocent man who was taken advantage of by an evil, evil woman.

The bottom line is that by signing the parental acknowledgement form, your partner surrendered a lot of his rights. This is why they tell you repeatedly on the form to not sign if you have any doubt as to the paternity of the child.

She cannot go after any assets that are solely in your name. However, if he falls behind on support and you two file a joint tax return, they can intercept it and take what's "yours."

That's actually not 100% accurate. There is a form (the number escapes me) that can be filed with the tax return that will allow the "injured spouse" to still receive their share of the return.

The bottom line is that the support is his responsibility and the OP cannot be held liable for it. But like I originally said - her income MAY be used to calculate the amount due by her fiancée once they get married in certain circumstances in certain areas.

I stand corrected - yes, the "injured spouse form" is a possibility. But that has to be filed with the return, not after, correct? So if they file together, CSA swoops in and takes it, then it's gone... right?

Your sarcasm is unwarranted and unwelcome - I understand your concerns but where is your argument with the "ex" stating: "I am an unwed mother thanks to you"? I think she is speaking the truth.

As far as her staying at his house and being the aggressor and him being a good Chrisitian man, this is the one and only time they had sex and she was the aggressor because she held a gun to his head?

I think you need to focus on the outcome, not the cause, and stop defending your fiancé.

What State? Support guidelines vary.

The bottom line (and legal answer) here is that support is based on income. A few states do factor in household income when calculating support, so you need to check your states rules.

As far as the house goes, support agencies rarely, if ever go after such assets. They barely have the resurces to go after cash assets, let alone non-cash assets. But if the title is only in your name then no worries there.

Now, as to your response to Steve. I suggest you re-read your original post. Had you simply asked the legal question, Steve's answer may have been different. But YOU brought up all the stuff about her tricking him and your feelings towards her that have no bearing on the legal issues. Steve just responded to that.

I find it odd that you come onto the board and answer one question - this one.

All of that aside if you marry a person with children the financial issues are part of that picture. I married a man with children so I've been there.

No, "we" don't know the circumstances involved. "We" only know what OP posted and that is the basis for any and all answers. "We" aren't mind readers.

And I do find the father's lifestyle to be something short of Christian - but I suppose the Christian thing is also not to judge.

Another reason when asking a legal question to stick to the facts and not the incidental, unimportant details.

If someone constantly referred to me as "pretty good mom" - always in quotation marks - I would read immense amounts of sarcasm and a personal attack on my parenting.

Im trying to live a Christian day and let it slide. :)

And good for you, because I'm out of greenies :D

Have I ever mentioned the time my stepdaughter introduced me as "my Dad's current wife?"

I'd like to mention he had been married once before, divorced for 12 years. We were married for 5 before he died.

I was always Dad's "wife," in quotes, even in Court papers!

*sigh* Some people are so childish. I love the "current" part of it, like he was thinking about trading you in... blech.

My 8-year-old stepson told me he was going to start calling me "S-Mom" and then started rambling about how people think he has two moms... :)

Who is "the other woman" this girl was an old flame not an ex-wife. They hardly new each other. They were not married or even in a serious relationship at the time. I don't understand the comment that "the other woman is always at fault". What is the criteria to be considered the other woman. Neither person was a victim. I am not saying she is at fault I just don't think he should be blamed entirely for the situation. No, there was never a gun to his head but she also was not raped. No one was a victim. He has taken responsibilities for what happened. Just because he didn't marry her merely because she became pregnant does not make it entirely his fault that she is an unwed single parent.

The only reason I referred to him as "pretty good dad" is because that is how he referred to himself. He responded to my message quoting me incorrectly with "christian life" and I was merely quoting him as well.

Thank you for your input... I have definitely learned some very harsh important lessons as a first time user to any forum!

Sure, he did make a mistake by having premarital sex and did give in to temptations. Just because you are christian doesn't mean you are infalliable. We all make mistakes or use poor judgement at some point in our lives. He really has tried to make things right and amicable.