Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    GodHelpMe's Avatar
    GodHelpMe Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 26, 2009, 10:43 AM
    WHen teens say I HATE YOU MOM. WHat's really going on?
    Wow! Blow me over! Yeah I know she is 14, we have all been there! She doesn't get her way so she screams: I HATE YOU!! Why are you my mother?? What did I ever do to deserve YOU?
    What do I say to that?? You lost the parent Lottery...
    I need to find out what is really going on... I rarely say no, but when I do, I mean it. Then she blows up and screams and cries like a spoiled rotten bratt... What can I do?
    mudweiser's Avatar
    mudweiser Posts: 2,750, Reputation: 707
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Apr 26, 2009, 11:10 AM

    It really depends.

    Are you a good mother? I've told my mom I hated her because in reality she wasn't a good mother.

    If it's because you won't let her go out or do something then it is just juvenile behavior.

    Perhaps you should try talking to her with a councilor, pastor or even a therapist.

    You said you rarely say no. I'm thinking you let this kid step on you quite a few times...

    Sarah
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Apr 26, 2009, 05:43 PM

    I am gulity of saying the things your daughter said to you to my mother a number of times as a teen because I didn't get my way and didn't like the rules.

    I said it out of anger and saw a lot of teens being able to do the things I couldn't. Like dating, hanging out late, etc. But when I grew up and became an adult I realized the friends I had as a teen were able to do those things because most of them came from broken homes or parents or parent that didn't give a damn. Or the parent wanted to be their friend instead of a parent because they thought their child would like them more but they forgot parenting comes first.

    The things I said to my mother was out of anger and she knew that and I apologize later for the mean things I said.

    When you're a teenager you sometimes think you know everything but you don't. You don't rules you want freedom and you think your freedom is being taken away because you can't do what you want.

    So don't let her words bring you down and know the things being said is out of anger.

    I hope you come back and provide more information on your situation.
    Fuzzball_Kara's Avatar
    Fuzzball_Kara Posts: 279, Reputation: 74
    Full Member
     
    #4

    Apr 26, 2009, 06:04 PM

    Whenever I said to my mom that I hated her, I'd automatically start balling. I had a very different relationship with her that most teens don't have. By 13 I was already telling more to my mom than I'd tell any best friend. My mom spoiled me in my opinion for the first part of my life, but I don't think I became much of a brat. The only reason I could see her saying that is because she feels she's not getting what everyone else appears to be getting. Maybe she has other friends that are spoiled. She maybe feels that you don't understand her because you are saying no. Teens are so strange nowadays. Don't reward the behavior. Chances are, there is a good reason you said no to something. She'll have to learn why and she'll appreciate it so much and you'll hopefully be closer from the things you denied to let her do.
    jenniepepsi's Avatar
    jenniepepsi Posts: 4,042, Reputation: 533
    Ultra Member
     
    #5

    May 1, 2009, 10:29 AM

    I said this to my mother several times when I was a teen. The best answer for it I have ever come up with, was teens are not really saying 'i hate you' so much as they are saying 'I HATE WHAT YOU ARE DOING'

    Teens have a lot of emotional turmoil and their hormones are going very crazy. Its hard to sort all of their feelings out into mature conversations. What they really want to say is 'mom I really don't agree with what you are doing, I think we should do it this way... ' but their emotions get so caught up in it, and anger becomes the most prominent emotion. In their eyes, YOU are the cause of the problem, there for they must hate YOU.
    HistorianChick's Avatar
    HistorianChick Posts: 2,556, Reputation: 825
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    May 1, 2009, 10:37 AM

    I remember, when I was about 9 or 10, my Mom didn't let me do something that I wanted to do and I yelled, "I HATE YOU! I bet you're not even my mother! You ADOPTED me! My REAL mother would let me go!"

    I've never forgotten her response. She just looked at me, teared up, and turned away.

    That, right there, cut out my heart... so much, that I remember it 20 years later.

    I yelled that at her because I was mad that she wasn't letting me do something. Mad that she said no. Mad that I didn't get my way.

    It sounds like (as you said) you rarely say to no to your child. This could be part of the problem. Kids/teens have to know that there are boundaries, that you have rules, and there are things that - even though they are not "wrong - are not allowed.

    That's the "why."

    I'm not a parent, so I can't really offer any suggestions on what to do now, but at least I could help with why I said it!

    Hope that you are able to make this better.
    Silverfoxkit's Avatar
    Silverfoxkit Posts: 798, Reputation: 264
    Senior Member
     
    #7

    May 1, 2009, 10:42 AM

    Sometimes when people are angry that purposefully lash out with something hurtful even if we do not mean it. Chances are we've all been guilty of this at sometime or another.

    When I was little I remember saying to my sister "I HATE YOU! I wish you would fall off of a cliff!!"

    Did I mean it? No. Since my sister did die do I regret it? More then ever.

    Perhaps you can try just talking to your teen about it whenever she's not in an emotional state.
    BlackRose24's Avatar
    BlackRose24 Posts: 10, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    May 1, 2009, 11:02 AM

    Well I'm sure that did really shock you but lets not forget when you are 14 u want to get away from the house they want to explore what's out there and if you don't let her then she going to tell you that she hates you cause she going to think that you are just being over protective... but I do understand you trying to be a good mom and just trying to make sure that she isn't doing anything that she isn't suppose to be doing... but the one thing that you have to have is TRUST that's one thing that you need in a mother and daughter reationship that you need and if you don't try to gain it... like another person had said you might want to consider therape it could actually help... but if the situation get a bit out of hand then I think you might want to calm that down and make sure that she doesn't think that she is grown cause some teen do and then they start doing grown-up things that they should not be doing... but I wish you all luck and try to do your best...
    Meredith1978's Avatar
    Meredith1978 Posts: 120, Reputation: 9
    Junior Member
     
    #9

    May 4, 2009, 12:34 PM

    I like your response "You lost the parent lottery" I might use that.

    Remember being 14? I was madly in love or filled with hatred. I was totally excited or engulfed with rage, stressed or practically in a coma from boredom. Its like being bipolar and don't you remember "Everyone else is allowed to do it, its so unfair" She knows everything, and you're retarded right? Its just a new phase.
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
    Ultra Member
     
    #10

    May 4, 2009, 09:16 PM
    I think that the best answer to your query is - don't take it personally. (For all the reasons other posters have described.)

    Maintain whatever boundaries you've put in place for her health and well being - and if she doesn't like it - too bad. You're her mother, you're the adult, you have the duty of care.

    As for the tantrums - ignore them. Leave the room and don't engage in an argument (easier said that done I know!).

    She'll respect you for it in years to come.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

I don't hate my job, I hate my co-worker(s) [ 23 Answers ]

Do you ever have a day in the office where everything is going grand until you see that one person that really grinds your gears. Well I have one of those- I make one little mistake and she takes it up with the supervisor immediately when in fact she makes a million or more errors daily. How...

Why.are teens like this? [ 13 Answers ]

WHY, OH WHY are teens like this? Well, probably not al of them... but the one's I live around. Why don't these people appreciate what they have... like compare yourself to people... In lets say Africa... or other poor countries. Like.. they complain for the SMALLEST things... I mean it's...

I hate myself.I hate my work but have no other option.what should I do? [ 14 Answers ]

I hate myself.I hate my work but have no other option. People near me are OK but are always either scared or are in an licking state. I hate the environment. I can't quit because I hate to learn and what I know is not good enough. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee tell me what shoul I do! anyone!

Why are most of the teens I know like this? [ 6 Answers ]

I live in some stupid neighborhood in NJ... filled with latinas... n latinos (I'm not one) I'm not a racist or anything, but these latinas/latinos are giving me a bad thinking style of all of them. I never think 100% of them are stupid... but ugh! There are like these ghetto blacks here too, well...


View more questions Search