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    berrysweetncgurl's Avatar
    berrysweetncgurl Posts: 166, Reputation: 19
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Feb 26, 2009, 08:14 PM
    No Label, what are we then?
    I started seeing this guy at the beginning of January. He has been a friend for about 6 months and used to come and hang out with me and my ex. He also used to work with my ex.

    I am fresh out of the relationship with my ex, but me and this guy have been seeing each other regularly (3-4 times at least a week) We have slept together, and spent the night together and when we are intimate he is so passionate with me. We kiss for hours on end and just sit and gaze into each others eyes and hold each other.

    We have been keeping our "friendship" secretive so my ex doesn't cause a lot of problems for either of us. Until last week, a couple of our other friends found out. I then found out that he thought I was the one wanting to keep it a secret but is not concerned with it being secretive himself. Ok I know that was very confusing... but just kind of a run down on the story.

    I asked him if he wanted to "be with me" and he said "no he is not ready for a relationship right now" but that he loves spending time with me and misses me when Im not around. I completely understand that he is not ready for a relationship right now, because I just came out of the relationship with my ex... I can't expect him to want to be with me off the bat, so soon after my breakup. He says he is "afraid of getting his heart broken"

    My question is... how can I get this "friendship" going in the right direction. We are pretty much girlfriend/boyfriend, with out the label.

    How can I win his heart??
    ylaira's Avatar
    ylaira Posts: 1,193, Reputation: 118
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    #2

    Feb 26, 2009, 08:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by berrysweetncgurl View Post
    "no he is not ready for a relationship right now"
    Actually he means "You're nice and I enjoy you but I'm not that into you."

    WHAT ARE YOU? Friends with benefits. Stop sleeping with him.

    Quote Originally Posted by berrysweetncgurl View Post
    My question is....how can I get this "friendship" going in the right direction.
    How can I win his heart???
    Close to none. Jumping to a new relationship after break up isn't good. Your situation slim chance of success.

    Give yourself time to heal: for yourself and the next man.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Feb 27, 2009, 01:41 AM

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...st-263833.html

    Is this the same guy? Even if it isn't you may be going to fast for things to develop naturally, as had you known how he felt before all the secrecy and sex, you might of acted more deliberately, and with caution.

    Ylaira is right, its friends with benefits now, for lack of a better label.

    Back away from this for a while before you really get carried away, as you want more, and he is just fine with the way things are now.

    Why should he want things to change?
    berrysweetncgurl's Avatar
    berrysweetncgurl Posts: 166, Reputation: 19
    Junior Member
     
    #4

    Feb 27, 2009, 06:23 AM

    No that isn't the same guy...
    I have pretty much realized that I am just a "friend with benefits" but it just feels so different when we are together! Even after sex, there is so much passionate kissing and holding.

    I think I am letting myself get too wrapped up in him!

    The thing about it is, If I go just one day without calling him or texting him, he will call me very confused about why I haven't contacted him!

    Im not in love with my child's father (ex) anymore but I can understand why he is so cautious about starting anything with me because I have gone back to my ex so many times since he met me.

    What is the best way to show him that Im truly done with the ex?

    I want to make him fall in love with me :-)

    What's the saying? Absence makes the heart grow fonder?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Feb 27, 2009, 06:27 AM
    Backing off may let the physical attraction cool off, but unless your communicating and getting to know each other on a mental level, what's going to change? If all your doing is hooking up for sex, and not dating, and having fun, nothing will change.
    HistorianChick's Avatar
    HistorianChick Posts: 2,556, Reputation: 825
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    #6

    Feb 27, 2009, 06:54 AM

    While you may be drawn to him because of the passionate way he treats you, he is using you - emotionally and physically. You are filling the gap that he needs to be filled to feel fulfilled, while you are left feeling confused and unfulfilled.

    I agree with the other posters - and I think you do to, but don't want to admit it. NO girl wants to be the "filler." You want to be his everything, but he is OK with you just being there when he needs some passion.

    Think about what this is doing to your heart. You're falling in love with a man that is not interested in pursuing a relationship.

    Please, for your own sanity and the sake of your heart, be strong and let this guy go get his un-emotional-fulfillment somewhere else.
    berrysweetncgurl's Avatar
    berrysweetncgurl Posts: 166, Reputation: 19
    Junior Member
     
    #7

    Feb 27, 2009, 07:10 AM

    We do go out on dates, he has met all my friends... I already know all his friends pretty much because they are mutual friends. Lol

    We talk about pretty much everything, have a lot of stuff in common.

    We do everything that a gf/bf do... with out the label of GF/BF.

    I think Im just going to back off him though and see where it goes.
    HistorianChick's Avatar
    HistorianChick Posts: 2,556, Reputation: 825
    Ultra Member
     
    #8

    Feb 27, 2009, 07:20 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by berrysweetncgurl View Post
    I asked him if he wanted to "be with me" and he said "no he is not ready for a relationship right now" but that he loves spending time with me and misses me when Im not around.
    He's already said that he doesn't want to be with you. In my opinion, you're right. Give him some space. If he doesn't want to be with you, then being with him is not an option.
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #9

    Feb 27, 2009, 07:42 AM

    Friend with benefits hardly ever turn into anything more. My saying stands true. Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free
    berrysweetncgurl's Avatar
    berrysweetncgurl Posts: 166, Reputation: 19
    Junior Member
     
    #10

    Feb 27, 2009, 08:02 AM

    Historian Chick, your posts have hit soooo close to home! Thank you... Thank you!! Thank you to everyone else commenting on my post also!
    berrysweetncgurl's Avatar
    berrysweetncgurl Posts: 166, Reputation: 19
    Junior Member
     
    #11

    Mar 2, 2009, 12:58 PM

    So this past weekend, I just finally screwed it all up!
    We spent the night together Friday night.. Then were supposed to go out together Saturday night. He called me after making definite plans with me to tell me he was going back to WV for the night and was sorry and was I mad at him..


    I told him I wasn't mad at him but just upset because we had made plans together. Then here is the kicker... I sent him a text message saying that "I dont like being stood up, maybe we shouldnt see each other anymore"

    And that's the last I have heard from him :-(
    :-( :-( :-(

    I think Im going crazy... I got mad at him but he was never really obligated to see me at all :-(
    berrysweetncgurl's Avatar
    berrysweetncgurl Posts: 166, Reputation: 19
    Junior Member
     
    #12

    Jun 15, 2009, 08:52 AM

    Well after all this time, I just wanted to give you all a little update on my status with Mr. No Label. We are together and have been dating for a while now. I don't think I could be any happier! Thanks to all!

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