If you like the person you are marrying with , do not reveal him the truth and fix some stories about the loss of virginity. But I am scared... will he believe you or not? What if he is not satisfied with your explanation?

He is from Peshawar I hope is like you said but it doesn't seem like it!

That's what I have in my head that maybe he won't believe me!

I understand the situation, how do you feel about lying? No guilt, or feeling ashamed, then go ahead. I would I'm kind of in the same situation, not being a virgin. I don't think I could lie though. If he does find out inshallah he is a understanding husband.

do what you feel is best, take care x x x

How do ypu feel about lying? Would you feel guilty? Ashamed? Do what you feel is best for you. Maybe cut the engagement if you feel that he wouldn't understand, engagments can be cut off. If he does find out inshallah he will be understanding,

Yes I'm feeling guilty right now and I don't want him to find out at all no matter what it won't be the same because he will ask me everything and how it was and I wouldn't want to get into detail with my husband about that stuff and I don't want to cancel the wedding because he is good is everything I ever expected. I hope girls read this and don't make the same mistake I did because I will regret it for the rest of my life.

Get married,go on w your lives.

Just pretend LOL.

If it's been a while, I am sure he wouldn't understand anyway,because it would be his first time. He wouldn't understand what the diffrence is.

Good luck!

Once again, you haven't taken the time to read through all of the posts. If you had, you had read other details. If you are going to give advice here, please make sure you have understood the dynamics, and are giving something that is relevant or helpful to the OP.

Telling her to "just pretend" is not at all helpful, and in fact not a laughing matter!

I am trying to help.
I was joking with the pretend thing,hence why I said LOL,and then after said a HONEST answer on what I was thinking.'

Maybe this site isn't what I thought it was. I am deaf and can not explain everything right, I guess. I do read through all posts.

Maybe I should delete then,and just leave it alone.

It's fine. Don't worry, I just wanted to point it out. This is a great site. I just wanted to make you aware that had you read the prior posts, you would have understood her situation better. No worries! There is some very good advice here. :)

Again,like you said 'there are some good advices here'. Some people are not going to like others answers,disagree or agree.

I stated an answer which was just forget about it,and go on.He prob won't notice any changes since he is a virgin,and wouldn't know much about it. I did read her post,and read all the others. I know mine isn't a good answer,but it's a guess.

I know that you were trying to point it out,but I have no clue why you said 'Once again,you haven't took time to read through the posts'.. did you say something before? I am a bit confused. However, I do not want to argue in someone's thread. People are going to give answers that people will not agree with.

Okay! I was trying to be nice with you. The reason I know that you haven't read everything, is because it has not been established at all that this man is a virgin! You don't know the facts, and you don't know about the religion, from what you've said. I have to say I don't either, but I respect it, and I read through everything so I could understand. Did you not read that the OP doesn't know herself whether or or he's a virgin? If I missed that, kindly point it out.

That is only one of the reasons I was trying to be kind with you, and was only trying to help you out with making sure you read through before responding. I said "once again," because I had read a prior post of yours, but that's neither here nor there. If you want to get defensive, I know there is a reason for that and I will not engage you in your "right fight." Now, can we just move on?

Perfect dolls: I sympathise with your situation so much. Being Muslim (male) myself I can totally understand where you are coming from.

Having lived in London for 19 years and being born in the USA, I have lived a pretty much 'western' life just like any other. My parents are pretty liberal and only ask that I marry a Muslim.

Back to your issue - I have a best friend (female, muslim, 20 years old) who is dreading the day she has to go through this and let me first off say how brave you are, because I can understand that what is going on with you is a serious matter and really does need a solution.

My friend, has felt guilty, felt as if she is living a lie, doesn't feel worthy etc that she has had sex - she feels like she has betrayed everyone she knows. She doesn't know whethe she will subject to an arranged marriage by her parents, but she does know that if her dad and grandparents found out, they would lose a lot of respect for her.

I want to just add - I have this feeling you family are more 'traditional' and strict and my advice to you would be to NOT tell your future husband that you aren't a virgin because it will ruin your relationship with him, the relationship with your parents will be damaged, you will further alienated by your mistake and you will not be looked on in the same light especially if your parents decide to arrange another marriage will be unlikely.

If you are happy marrying this man, and you are enjoying getting to know him and can see yourself with him then do not do anything. I am not an expert on this hymen business but take the advice of the women on here as to an excuse to use but you yourself must realise that you shouldn't feel guilty - you made a mistake but you have seen the error in your ways and its safe to say you haven't been acting the same - this right here is a testament to your character.

I really do wish you the best. Going through what you are going through is incredibly hard but you have handled it with immense respect and maturity - good on you, you should be really proud you haven't through in the towel so to speak and really care about making this marriage work

All the best.

Oh KC! Sorry, I had to spread the rep. You said what was running through my head! Thank you!! Awesome retort! You rock! ;) That was the craziest response I've heard in a long time! ::shakes head:: :rolleyes:

You could do something I heard about a while back, put a sponge inside your vagina that's soaked with red food colouring, it should leak a bit and give the appearance that there is some blood.

Are you people on drugs? Seriously? Why would you start a marriage by doing something like this? Let us start our entire foundation on a lie... give me a break! :rolleyes:

I don't agree with this. A relationship build on lies is never going to go anywhere.

I just want to clearify something about this.about culture you are right,there are some arabian countries or all the arabian countries,which allows the family or the husband to kill the girl if she is not virgin.about quran and islam,this is not allowed.nobody has the right to kill any girl who is not virgin,and who do so should be killed in turn.and if the husband has a problem with that ,he can divorce her and that is so easy in islam (just one word"you are divorced")but he doesn't have the right to tell anybody that she wasn'tt virgin.for this girl,I would advice her to go to a doctor and fix things .its easy nowadays they do it by lesar.wish for her all the best.if not I advice her not to marry this man or marry him and don't go to an arabian country ,stay in a country where she can be protected.thnx

It is against site rules to send PM's to give advice! Read the rules and regulations you agreed to when you joined this site! Thank you!

No, I don't agree with Iawanwadee, but again why would u have sex, when your religon says "not until marriage"... most people are really forgetting their roots... where they came from... just to be "westernized".. come on suck it up princess... now u need help with what U DID!. u need to tell him... and your family... for the stupid choice u made... and I wouldn't goooo so overboard with your in danger... your family may not talk to u for a long time, and u may disgrace your family name... but come on... u knew all this when u had sex... but yes with living in north america there are laws to protect u and me... from crazy people... maybe now u can think more clearly in your choice making, I'm sorry to say :(... God bless

Ws Salaam...