Here is a quick summary:

My husband has been previously married. Bad relationship, hated his wife and cheated on her constantly, but only stayed in relationship because of children. Thought he was doing the right thing. When he left her he ended up in a relationship with a woman that he was going to marry but caught her cheating on him... first with the man then on websites.

We have been together for almost 6 yrs. And in that time every fight that we've had, always ended up with him comparing what his past "bad expierences" to me. I am not like those kinds of women, but yet he has an issue he plays a judge, jury and convictioner with me telling me that our relationship is over because I was doing something I wasn't supposed to. I'm an avid web'surfer,and I enjoy digging to see what I can find to read. Our first issue was because I would talk with friends in the internet because it was cheaper than the phone. My friends were women. He blew a gasket and we had a big fight. So, I ceased talking to them via internet to avoid this conflict. His main issue is if I am up or get up at a late hour and I am on the net, he will come in and swear up and down that I am doing something that I'm not supposed to do. During a big fight yet again, I flat out asked him if he thought I was doing something wrong and he told me yes. And because of that he wants to end our marriage.

He won't change, I have tried to talk to him about getting help, but his pride gets in his way. I'm totally at a loss as what to do anymore. I have been a housewife all my life, and I have been in a previous failed marriage as well. But his insecurities hurt. Why can't he give up the past?

I'm sorry that he's putting you through this.

Though he's being stubborn now, he's to the point where he needs professional counseling to help him let go of his burdens. Its not fair for you to get all the blame and resentment that he's built up over the years.

You know how best to talk with him, so you'll have to find a way to tell him that its time for couples counseling. Perhaps if you go together, it will make him more comfortable in the beginning. In time, I think he would need individual counseling to help him resolve insecurities.

Unfortunately, he has to want to do this for himself and for your marriage. If he continues to refuse, consider asking a pastor, friend, or another loved one to help persuade him.

Good luck to you

Once someone has been burned before it is pretty hard to forget, those wounds run deep. When you guys do fight is it just little arguments that blow out of proportion? He may just be looking to pick a fight with you cause he still has those past issues that he can't quite deal with, if you have never given him any reason to believe you are like those in his past then I don't see how he would compare you to it.

Good luck.

I was the same as your husband. I have been burnt so many times by my first wife of 12 years. I put up with it for are kids. But when she got pregnant by another man that was it. Then dated for awhile and was burnt. I remarried and then found out my wife had 3 affairs. Now I have come to spected it. I have been the same way with my wife for the things other women did to me. It has caused problems with this marriage. She kept on telling me I'm not those women. But she did have 3 affairs on me. I could not let go. I thought all women are like this. Specially military wife's. I forgave my wife but could not still let go. Finally, I sought councling and trying to move on. Been doing pretty good and I'm still seeing councler once a month now instead of 5x a month. Until your husband realizes he needs help and stops thinking nagative it will always be the same. Do a lot of praying.

This is an extremely difficult situation because you're dealing with another person's fears and insecurities. In some ways, it doesn't matter what you do or say it will always be viewed through his conviction that all people cheat and lie in relationships.

If the marriage is important to him, then he needs to go to counselling.

It's really convenient for him to keep hassling you about what he perceives that you do wrong, because then he doesn't have to change himself.

It's time to turn the heat back on him.

Ask him what he's prepared to do to support and save the relationship.
Ask him if he's prepared to take some of the blame for the arguments upon himself.
Ask him if he's prepared to seek the assistance of a therapist so that he can understand and control his behavior.

This is the big test for him - is he prepared to examine and change his own behavior?