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    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #1

    Jul 31, 2006, 12:47 AM
    I'm doing... ok...
    Just to let you guys know Im doing pretty good... Ive been sober for 2 FULL DAYS NOW!. yea... I just wanted to say THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!! For everyone that has pm'ed me... the support has been... GREAT TO SAY THE LEAST!! M3... your message stood out the most too me though, and I thought you deserve some MAJOR credit... YOU are such a comfort... Its great to see that people can still be genuine, and CARE about others! I LOVE YOU!! Everyone... ADD TO HER REPUTATION!! AMAZING PERSON!! :)
    RickJ's Avatar
    RickJ Posts: 7,762, Reputation: 864
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    #2

    Jul 31, 2006, 04:18 AM
    Way to go jeffatl! The first 7 days are the toughest - so you're about halfway there!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Jul 31, 2006, 05:06 AM
    One Day At A Time Jeff you can do it!
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #4

    Jul 31, 2006, 05:11 AM
    Great news Jeff!!

    You can do it!!

    Congratulations!!
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
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    #5

    Jul 31, 2006, 05:22 AM
    Hi, Jeff,
    I haven't been at this site for awhile now, having other things to do.
    I am very, very surprised that in your question, about being sober, you have not mentioned AA!
    Are you attending AA meetings??
    They are free, and talking with others who have the same issues, will let you know that you are not alone. If they can do it, you can do it.
    Best of luck.
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
    I regard all beings mostly by their consciousness and little else
     
    #6

    Jul 31, 2006, 05:36 AM
    I am so pleased for you to hear your news. And it does get easier Jeff, so just keep putting one sober foot in front of the other... you'll get to the easier part. If you ever have any specific questions about recovery, you only need ask... you know that.
    Skell's Avatar
    Skell Posts: 1,863, Reputation: 514
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    #7

    Jul 31, 2006, 03:38 PM
    Keep it up Jeff. Great stuff!
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #8

    Jul 31, 2006, 06:40 PM
    GREAT job Jeff!! Keep it up. We're here for you!!
    aqua@home's Avatar
    aqua@home Posts: 565, Reputation: 107
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    #9

    Jul 31, 2006, 07:11 PM
    Great job Jeff... slow and steady! Take care.
    Jayjay027's Avatar
    Jayjay027 Posts: 153, Reputation: 31
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    #10

    Jul 31, 2006, 07:48 PM
    Hey, well done - that is amazing!!
    Keep up the good work man, and best of luck.
    X
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #11

    Jan 7, 2007, 03:20 AM
    Jaded, scared, selfish, self-destructive, or just plain stupid?
    This is the point in my life where I feel I MUST come clean about a few things. My sobriety ended about 2 weeks ago and once again, it has been nothing but downhill from here. I haven't posted on here in a while because all I see is the same questions over, and over, and over, and over, and over again... I feel like I have become so jaded, angry, scared, or what have you from things that have happened to me that I just am sick of people all together. I had a really good girl on the line for about a month or so, and just up and decided to ruin it because of my own hang ups. Im not sure what is going on in my head, but I KNOW I need to focus on ME for a while. The only problem with that is, I have so much insecurity with myself right now that I reach out for ANYTHING that comes my way. I Do NOT want a relationship because I am SO much of a mess that I feel like I can barely take care of myself. The CRAZY part of that is that I am running into more girls now than I ever have before... I don't get it. Its not that I am "unhappy" or "mad" pre-say, but I just have hit a point where I just don't care... and I don't know what is worse. I am back to my old self destructive behavior, and I hate myself for it. I have been going to a therapist for about 5 months now, and all I do is try and debate everything he says to me with common logic and anti-pycho babble BS. The thing is, I really feel like I am (not to sound conseeded) "too smart for my own good" but in fact I am a MORON for not listening... try and figure that one out. I have been going through a lot of "home probelms" with my mom (she is sick) my brother ( is a damn BUM and lives off my mother) that I carry so much stress and I am scared. I freak out thinking that I won't live up to the "standards" that my mom holds for me and will end up like my brother living off my mother when I am in my 40s with no family or even worse no DRIVE to do anyhting with my life. The thing is I place A lot of blame on my brother because my father passed way when I was young and I feel like HE should have been the "fatherly figure" in my life and shown me how a man really should act in taking up the slack and "man up". Needless to say... he Didn't. Its almost like he took my fathers death as a way to take advantage of my mother and that PISSES ME OFF! I am so SCARED of ending up like that... I don't think any of you can understand that. I just feel lost, and I really don't think that women are the cause of this, its just ME. I start my last semester of school on Monday, and the stress is KILLING ME! I just want to take care of my mother, and make her proud, PERIOD. The thing is, all I want to do is quit and take the easy way out like my brother did. Why should I have to work so hard for everyhting when he gets a free ride? Doesn't seem right does it? I know, it will be "sweeter in the end" but! I have so much enternal conflict going on that it is driving me CRAZY! I am the last male in my family that really has a snowballs chance in hell to get married, have a family, and make something of himslef. Pressure? My brother has such an easy life is INSANE! He is in his 40s... STILL wakes up at like 3pm, STILL has a half job. STILL stays out until 4am, STILL smokes pot, STILL does whatever he wants to do... and my mom lets him do it! I don't get it. My mom is that greatest person I have ever known and he just takes advantage of it. I almost wish my mom would kick me in the butt and tell me "DO something wiht you life" but she doesn't. I look for so much validation from my mother because I feel like since I was 6 (when my fater died) I have been the "man of the house" and that is a TON of pressure. This is more of a rant than anything, but for all of you coming on here talking about "how to get him/her back" thake life in perspecitve, it can be A lot worse. A relationship is the LAST thing on my mind, but that is almost just as scary. For those of you that actually read this whole thing, thanks. Life is tuff, and don't waste it with small trivial things that in turn will mean nothing in the end. Live life for what it is... AMAZING, and keep your heard up. Being a jaded mess is no way to live. Things always get better, and I know things will work out for me in the end. I think it is just a bit sad that I have to find it in the bottom of a bottle now than being the person I know I could be.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #12

    Jan 7, 2007, 04:06 AM
    Everybody has low points in there life. There are times where we do hit rock bottom but there is no where but up to go. As far as taking care of your mother. You need to take care of yourself. The only way you are going to get anywhere is to focus on yourself now and try to let your mom take care of herself. Even though she may not appreciate that choice. Maybe by you doing your own thing. Then your brother will have no choice but to do something else. I know everything will work out. That pressure that you feel, you should not be feeling. We tend to put these pressures on ourselves, even though we do not really have to.
    ordinaryguy's Avatar
    ordinaryguy Posts: 1,790, Reputation: 596
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    #13

    Jan 7, 2007, 06:45 AM
    Hey Jeff, I hear you. It's the truth, life is not fair. Some folks lives are easier than others, or so it seems from a spectator's point of view. Losing your father at six years of age has colored everything since then for you, and there's no getting around it and no blame for it. It's just a fact of your life. It's also a fact of your brother's life, but you don't have to make of it what he did/is. Honestly, I see a lot more strength and wisdom in your rant than you give yourself credit for. You clearly know that your own choice is the only power that you have to make something of your life.

    So many people in your situation deny that their own choice makes any difference and blame everything on other people and things they can't control. You're way past that, and that's a huge advantage. You have a mother that you love and respect, who loves you and wants you to do well. Another huge advantage. You have the humility and courage to admit that you need help and ask for it, both here and from a therapist. Another big milestone on the road to success.

    Yes, there are bumps on that road and you've just hit a big one. It's a fine line between taking responsibility for your actions and blaming yourself and calling yourself stupid and other derogatory names. Don't slip into self-loathing, just get up, face in the direction you want to go and take the next step. You know what it is. You don't have to know the whole road to take the next step, and it's the only one you ever have to worry about, really, so stay focused on that and let the rest go. Here's some really good advice I heard from a guy I met one time.
    Quote Originally Posted by jeffatl
    Life is tuff, and dont waste it with small trivial things that in turn will mean nothing in the end. Live life for what it is....AMAZING, and keep your heard up. Being a jaded mess is no way to live. things always get better, and I know things will work out for me in the end.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #14

    Jan 7, 2007, 06:56 AM
    JH is right Jeff, most of the pressure and stress in life is self inflicted and now is a good time to relax and ease more into things than running into a brick wall head on. No point in beating yourself up now since what good will that do but make you more miserable. Get out of everybody's business and carry on with yours for now as I suspect school will take a lot of your time and stress you even more. Get rest, exercise, and stop drinking again. It will work out. Hang in there and don't be such a stranger.
    Bluerose's Avatar
    Bluerose Posts: 1,521, Reputation: 310
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    #15

    Jan 7, 2007, 08:22 AM
    You sound like you are trying to live three people's lives. You have too much on your plate. Clear it or find a smaller plate. You cannot presume to take care of anyone until you can take care of yourself. You need to trust that your mum is doing the best she knows how for herself and she trusts you to do the best you can for yourself.

    Everyone has lessons to learn and everyone must be allowed to chalk up their own experiences - your mum and your brother included.

    You are not your brother and you are not your father, you do not need to take care of your mum. Continue to feel like that and she will only end up like your brother - sitting back and letting you do it all. The more you do for some people the more they will let you do for them. You do them no favours.

    I have brought up three children and believe a good mother is someone who stands back as often as possible and allow the children to do for themselves depending on their age. No one should be looking after an adult as if that adult was a child.

    We grow by doing. The more others do for us the less we grow.

    That could be your brother's problem - perhaps your mum did too much for him.

    I don't know what age you are but if you do not want to end up like your brother I think you should seriously think about getting out of there..

    Leave the bottle alone and throw yourself into your school work. By doing the best you can for yourself now, your future will be filled with much more options.

    I would like to wish you all the very, very best for 2007! But whether it will be a good or a bad year for you is entirely up to YOU and no one else. Okay?
    tamed's Avatar
    tamed Posts: 255, Reputation: 33
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    #16

    Jan 7, 2007, 08:44 AM
    jeffatl,
    Allow me to clear up one misconception you have, some of us do know exactly what you are going through and some people have even been through worse but we tend to get by (most days anyway!). You have some great insight here and I cannot say much but to add a few things (I don't know how chuff does his thing so I'm going to have to make notes on the part I remember). For starters, you said you've started drinking again, what good will come off that and don't tell me it helps you forget because with every hangover comes the issues you tried to forget in the first place. You talked about how you would have liked your brother to be a father figure to you (my deepest condolences with regards to the death of your father) but what would that accomplish? Do you think that you would be as strong a character as you are now if you had someone shielding you from the trials and tribulations that life brings? You wondered why people like him get away with just lazing about and people like you have to work hard? Its quite simple, those who are destined for greatness cannot be lazy nor can they afford to (attempt to) drink their troubles away, they must be prepared for things to come. You may wonder why is this happening to you but to do that would be to be egocentric, it happens to a lot of people the difference is how they deal with the situation e.g. your brother. You sound like you are in the bracket of those who have greatness thrust upon them, well you need to accept those challenges with arms wide open and show this self-pity the door, you're not weak and the fact that you are still standing despite what has happened to you is proof of that. You know what YOU have to do so stop being afraid and get to work, you have a lot to do!

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