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    hidden123's Avatar
    hidden123 Posts: 153, Reputation: 51
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    #1

    Dec 30, 2008, 02:27 PM
    Why do people stay together
    Why do people stay together and try save marriages when they're unhappy in them? And they keep on being and remaining unhappy? What is this thing about keeping unhappy people together? Is it only a fear of being alone?:confused:
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #2

    Dec 30, 2008, 02:34 PM

    If you are truly unhappy in a marriage or relationship then, in my opinion, there really is no reason to stay together.

    If you're unhappy because of a certain event, or circumstances, but you still love your spouse or partner, then why not try and work it out, try to stay together?

    All relationships have ups and downs, there's no such thing as a "perfect" relationship. It's how you deal with the downs that determines the rest.

    Only the couple can decide what's right for them, and there's often much more to consider than just an individuals happiness.
    Flesh's Avatar
    Flesh Posts: 24, Reputation: 7
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    #3

    Dec 30, 2008, 02:45 PM

    There are a lot of reasons, sometimes it is because of loneliness, and its not a fear as much as it's a reality of leaving someone, you will be lonely, and it will suck, and yeah some people do not want to go through that.

    Also people stay together because they love the person and want things to get better and are not into giving up even after years of trying. John Mccain was a POW for 5 years... it must have sucked but he did not just end his life, he did not give up because the going got rough, he had hope and most people in a bad relationship do the same thing, they have hope.
    Also most relationships go through a really rough patch, and most people know this and are willing to work through those times in HOPE that things will get better. Sometimes it works sometimes not. But if you leave a relationship because of these patches what does that say about you? People do this because they have heart and hope, and of course a little fear, but, and trust me on this one, NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE WITH THERE WILL BE TROUBLE.
    I am not talking about abusive relationships, or REALLY BAD ones, I am talking about the run of the mill relations most people have. If its abusive than of course it changes the whole thing, but being unhappy... come on everybody goes through that, you just stay positive and try to do your best, to get things going in the right direction again.
    hjpan's Avatar
    hjpan Posts: 902, Reputation: 29
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    #4

    Dec 30, 2008, 02:47 PM

    Human beings avoid problems at all costs.
    If the problem is overwhelming, they find alternative solution which is either to "keep on" or "divorce"
    34lakegirl's Avatar
    34lakegirl Posts: 3, Reputation: 2
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    #5

    Dec 30, 2008, 02:58 PM

    I've finally come to realize that I have been miserable with my husband for awhile. He has had several affairs and seems as though he may be having another. I stayed with him for several reasons in the past: 1) because we have 2 children and they are small. I never wanted to leave them with a legacy of divorce 2) because I did not want to be alone and have to face the world alone again 3) because I never really had a family and wanted one so badly - I wasn't ready to see it all fall apart 4) financially - I have been a stay at home mom for 8 years now and don't know how to do it on my own with 2 kids.
    There are lots of factors to stay together... these were mine.
    sully123's Avatar
    sully123 Posts: 567, Reputation: 148
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    #6

    Dec 30, 2008, 04:07 PM

    A lot of people stay together because of financial reasons and if there is children involved. I know form my experience, I did, I wasn't happy, but I waited till my kids were older, then we divorced. IN the long run, if your not happy, you actually still go your own way at the end, and it usually doesn't work out. People just prolong it, sometimes.
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #7

    Dec 30, 2008, 05:24 PM

    I personally know someone that is in a unhappy marriage.

    She is 58 and have 3 grown kids. Husband is the bread winner and is nothing but a cheater. He cheating on her muliple times and one of his affair was with her best friend. At one time was going kill herself and her so called friend but her son stopped her in time.

    Why she stays with him because she can't make it on social security. She won't be able to get a place to live and support herself because she don't have the money so she stays with him. Luckily he isn't cheating but she is in a loveless marriage. She even told me that they live more as friends then husband and wife.

    You know I never knew this and from the outside looking in they look that a happy couple that been married for 30+ years. That just goes to show you that you never know what someone is hiding behind their smiles and what goes on behing close doors.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #8

    Dec 30, 2008, 05:32 PM

    I believe it can be a number of reasons
    Some stay for the kids which often is the worst thing they can do

    Some women stay because they believe they can change him
    Some stay because it is more comfortable than having nowhere to go. Some stay because they think time will fix everything

    Here is something I wrote

    Why she stays (the progression)

    She stays because he is so loving when he wants to be

    She stays as she blocks out the memories of his rages hoping someday he will be who he once was

    She stays as she goes about her daily routine trying to maintain some level and sense of a normal façade

    She stays because she was taught 'for better or for worse' even if it means enduring the abuse

    She stays hoping the next dark moment won't happen for sometime long from now as she tries to hold her family together on her own

    She stays because he has beaten her independence, individuality and self esteem down to non existent

    She stays because he controls her mind, her freedom, her life, the money, the car

    She stays because he has convinced her she deserves the beatings; that she only needs to try harder to please him

    She stays because she holds on to the blame as hers and hers alone

    She stays because she is isolated and he is all she has left

    She stays because she fears the unfamilar more than what she has learned for survival

    She stays because she doesn't want to drag her kids down an endless trail of uncertainty

    She stays because it seems easier dealing with the pain than to leave with a sense of shame

    She stays because to leave and start all over doesn't seem like a viable option

    She knows if she kicks him out he is psychotic enough to ignore the PFA the present threats are scary enough, but she has learned to cope and keeps false hope she stays because she fears of losing all she has struggled for

    These are not her excuses; this is her reality
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Dec 30, 2008, 08:22 PM
    Why do people stay together
    Because its better than the alternative for them both.

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