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    Sept68's Avatar
    Sept68 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 8, 2008, 07:55 AM
    Great Sex Cheating & Going Limp at Home ? WHY ?
    Hi Everyone !
    I am having the BEST Sex of my life while Cheating with my Dream Woman & I can't get it up at home with my wife.... Whats going on ?
    FACTS: I am 40 & married for 12+ Yrs & Happy !
    In Marriage we used to have Sex on an Average 3-4 times a Month. NEVER a problem for an erection but I often fantasized about other girls during sex.
    2 months ago, I met a woman ( My Dream Girl ) & started an affair & am having the Best Sex of my life. We meet 2-3 times a week & I have sex with her 3-4 Times / Day = 10-12/Week.
    NOW THE PROBLEM : I can't get my penis Erect with my Wife a little while after stating my affair.
    I tried to fantasize again and its just not working with my ife.
    I WANT TO CONTINUE MY MARRIAGE & Want o sex with my Wife.
    What should I do? Is it a Mental Block ? What is going on ???
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #2

    Nov 8, 2008, 10:02 AM

    Maybe you feel guilty? Maybe you know you shouldn't be doing this?

    I pity your wife! You are one selfish, selfish man! I suppose you have children too? High five to Daddy! You are 40. Grow up and act it! At least give your wife the respect she deserves, and tell her about your "DREAM GIRL." At least give her a choice in the matter!
    Or do you not care who gets hurt as long as YOU'RE happy. It is, after all, all about your happiness isn't it!

    Disgustingly childish! I hope you wife finds, and reads this. It would serve you right!
    jrebel7's Avatar
    jrebel7 Posts: 1,255, Reputation: 251
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    #3

    Nov 8, 2008, 10:39 AM

    Sept68, 12 years and happy?? What are you thinking?? You are putting an awful lot on the line for a few physical thrills. "Dream Woman"? I wonder what her Dream Man is, someone who will cheat on his wife, I very much doubt it.

    End the affair. Concentrate on the things you love about your wife and why you fell in love with her. 12 years is way too soon in a marriage to only be having sex once a week. Just like anything else, good sex and excitement has to be nurtured. We all have fantasies. Share with your wife that you need some excitement in your sex life with her and you assume she needs more than she has been getting from you since you have been married 12 years and then ask her what some of her fantasies are. You might just be blown away by her answers. Some women are too inhibited to share a lot but we all have our fantasies. She might open up a whole new world to you and your marriage. Ask her if she is open to trying some new things so that your marriage will be enhanced. Don't attempt these when you are both tired. Make time to have special moments with her. Make love outside, try new positions, undress her slowly, have her to lie down and then barely touch her with your breath as you move down her body but tell her not to move, let her do the same... just some suggestions. I have been married 38 years and I know that two people have to work at having good sex. The longer you have been married, sometimes the more creative you need to be to keep the excitement and newness in the love making. It may take a bit of time but isn't she worth it? She has given you herself for 12 years. In my opinion, God gave us a mind and imagination for more reasons than just to invent gadgets to improve our life. He wants us to enjoy our wives and husband's. Don't forget that while you have your "Dream Women", your wife may be just as dissatisfied with you. If you don't stop what you are doing and work on what you have you could both lose! Wake up and get a jolt of reality! Women need to be fulfilled just as much as men. Start now trying to satisfy your wife, even if you can't perform... I believe as she gets excited with new techniques, you will also and hopefully you will get back on track.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    Nov 8, 2008, 10:45 AM

    Its real simple dude, YOU simply can't satisfy two females, and no matter how you try, one will have to go without.

    So chose which one that is.
    TexasParent's Avatar
    TexasParent Posts: 378, Reputation: 73
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    #5

    Nov 8, 2008, 11:02 AM

    I think you forgot one simple element which should help you with your erectile dysfunction.

    It's simple thing really, and it's call love.

    You say you are happy with your marriage; well it's time to honor your wife by seeing her and your 12+ years in a loving light. Sex isn't always about the selfish desire to be aroused; it's about giving to the person you love.

    When making love, we care about the pleasure we give each other, and when we take the focus off ourselves and pour our unconditional love and attention into pleasing our partner we actually come to notice how sexy and beautiful they are in this vulnerable and intimate state that couples share. However, if all you can think about is other women, or are concerned about your own state of arousal during sex with your wife your self-absorbed view won't allow you to see the beauty in her reactions to your love and you won't become aroused by her.

    There is no sex that is better than with someone you love; not with affair partners, or even people in your fantasies when you give to your partner through loving eyes and hold the history of your relationship and all the wonderful things she does for you in your heart.

    So, try making love to her, make it about her and if you truly learn to make love TO her; I think you will find both your erectile dysfunction will become a thing of the past but also your desire for other women will become a thing of the past; because nothing equals what we get when we give unconditionally of ourselves to the person we love.
    agastyamalhotra's Avatar
    agastyamalhotra Posts: 3, Reputation: 0
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    #6

    Nov 8, 2008, 12:07 PM

    Tell your wife to be make sum special preps before sex so that it will make you feel something special..!
    Try new things watching porn before sex & try some sex toys..!
    I think it will surely work out..!
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #7

    Nov 8, 2008, 01:04 PM

    Real simple, leave your wife, pay her support and any child support, let her have the house and you pay for it,

    Then you can live with your dream women and have all the sex you want, since you ca't afford to go do anything else.
    linnealand's Avatar
    linnealand Posts: 1,088, Reputation: 216
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    #8

    Nov 8, 2008, 03:08 PM

    Perhaps you're having trouble maintaining an erection because your penis feels guilty. Some part of you must.

    Did you willingly say this? "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part." It doesn't look like there's anything in there that references what you should do if you give your wife an STD.
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #9

    Nov 8, 2008, 03:15 PM

    You got it Linny! I had to spread the rep, but I think he slept through that part of the ceremony!
    Stringer's Avatar
    Stringer Posts: 3,733, Reputation: 770
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    #10

    Nov 8, 2008, 04:45 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    Real simple, leave your wife, pay her support and any child support, let her have the house and you pay for it,

    then you can live with your dream women and have all the sex you want, since you ca't afford to go do anything else.
    To the point Chuck... good response. By the way, if it seems we are ganging up against this guy you're right. I can't believe (if this post is real and not a joke) that someone would ask advice on a matter like this without even a touch of guilt?? What a characterless person.
    jrebel7's Avatar
    jrebel7 Posts: 1,255, Reputation: 251
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    #11

    Nov 8, 2008, 05:07 PM

    Sept68, we haven't heard back from you yet. I am hoping you are taking time to digest the things that have been shared. Our perspective can get really messed up at times and yet when others care enough to try to help, it does help us get back in focus. Sometimes it takes a jolt to get our attention. You are living in a world that can only bring hurt. Please take all this under advisement for the good of two lives. Your jolt back into reality with perspective could be that your wife finds out and is gone out of your life forever. Count the cost. Choose well.
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #12

    Nov 8, 2008, 06:02 PM

    [QUOTE] Stringer agrees: Good response Starby, remember also that this doesn't say much about his "dream girl" either... I forget, does she even know that he is married, does she care?

    Do the "Dream Girls" ever really care? That is why they are "dream girls" I really doubt that she doesn't know, because she obviously hasn't taken the time, or even bothered, to get to know his character.
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #13

    Nov 8, 2008, 10:41 PM

    I thought when you got married, your wife takes custody of your balls... who knew?
    Ferghus's Avatar
    Ferghus Posts: 97, Reputation: -4
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    #14

    Nov 8, 2008, 10:55 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Sept68 View Post
    Hi Everyone !
    I am having the BEST Sex of my life while Cheating with my Dream Woman & I can't get it up at home with my wife.... Whats going on ?
    FACTS: I am 40 & married for 12+ Yrs & Happy !
    In Marriage we used to have Sex on an Average 3-4 times a Month. NEVER a problem for an erection but I often fantasized about other girls during sex.
    2 months ago, I met a woman ( My Dream Girl ) & started an affair & am having the Best Sex of my life. We meet 2-3 times a week & I have sex with her 3-4 Times / Day = 10-12/Week.
    NOW THE PROBLEM : I can't get my penis Erect with my Wife a little while after stating my affair.
    I tried to fantasize again and its just not working with my ife.
    I WANT TO CONTINUE MY MARRIAGE & Want o sex with my Wife.
    What should I do? Is it a Mental Block ? What is going on ???
    Heh.. that's how it is too. Sex with someone new and doing it 3 times a day... happens. Has happened to me... ah, the good old days.

    Now you can't do it at all with your wife? No wonder, you've nothing left to give her. Unless you were 20 again, that much sex with someone new will leave nothing for anyone else... that's it man, you're out of luck. I suggest you not see your new love so often. Say once a week... because at our age... most of us need at least two to three days in between sessions to recharge, especially with someone were are mostly bored with.
    gara's Avatar
    gara Posts: 117, Reputation: 26
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    #15

    Nov 8, 2008, 11:48 PM

    You burning inside because you feel guilty imagine a man like you was married for 12 years and just jump to another woman they met because it's dream girl as you called , now your mind blocked and your body start to reject because something inside want you tell your wife you had affair but becarfull at that time you willl end up with the biggest proplem you ever seen in your life so listen stop having affair with the other woman and make it up to your wife buy her a ring or flower or go to cinema or have dinner with her in best restrunt just do something good for her so you can feel freee , becarfull if you continue having sex you will end up in mentel hospital!!
    jrebel7's Avatar
    jrebel7 Posts: 1,255, Reputation: 251
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    #16

    Nov 9, 2008, 12:57 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by gara View Post
    you burning inside because you feel guilty imagin a man like you was married for 12 years and just jump to another woman they met because it's dream girl as you called , now your mind blocked and your body start to reject because something inside want you tell your wife you had affair but becarfull at that time you willl end up with the biggest proplem you ever seen in your life so listen stop having affair with the other woman and make it up to your wife buy her a ring or flower or go to cinema or have dinner with her in best restrunt just do something good for her so you can feel freee , becarfull if you continue having sex you will end up in mentel hospital !!!
    Sorry, I submitted post on "Rate this Answer" by accident. It was not finished. I wonder what age you are and what relationship experience you have had to think that a ring, flowers, a movie and/or dinner could ever make up for broken trust. These things are just items purchased, not things of the heart. Faithfulness, even in time of duress, commitment, even at times one feels they don't even like their spouse, these are the things that stand. Giving in to one's desires for a few thrills when someone has given 12 years of their life, what could ever make that right? If my husband began bringing gifts that was not usual for him to surprise me with, a huge red flag would be standing up and waving big time!!

    Mental hospital?? :eek: Hmmmm... perhaps he might find answers there as to why he would jeopardize a 12 year marriage with a person he loves for something that won't last and has the capability of hurting someone so deeply, they might never recover.
    linnealand's Avatar
    linnealand Posts: 1,088, Reputation: 216
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    #17

    Nov 9, 2008, 11:12 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by gara View Post
    you burning inside because you feel guilty imagin a man like you was married for 12 years and just jump to another woman they met because it's dream girl as you called , now your mind blocked and your body start to reject because something inside want you tell your wife you had affair but becarfull at that time you willl end up with the biggest proplem you ever seen in your life so listen stop having affair with the other woman and make it up to your wife buy her a ring or flower or go to cinema or have dinner with her in best restrunt just do something good for her so you can feel freee , becarfull if you continue having sex you will end up in mentel hospital !!!
    I got the sense that English is not this person's native language, and I wonder if some things got a little lost in translation (linguistically and perhaps culturally as well).

    It was a little confusing to read, but I read gara's comments as saying the affair is a really bad thing. From what I can tell, he's telling the OP that his actions lead straight to guilt, mind blocks(?), a body that's rejecting of his behaviors, burning inside, and the biggest problem he has ever seen in his life. That's some pretty bad stuff. Edit: I think he's also saying that if the OP keeps this up, he's going to wind up in a mental hospital (as in the affair and the conflict will make him crazy). I might be wrong, but that's what I got.

    The flower idea is a little silly, but I think he's saying that the OP needs to start trying to make up for his wrongdoings by spoiling his wife and treating her better. Yes, of course it's true that no material objects will ever (ever, ever) make up for the actions of the OP. still, if I were this man's wife, those diamonds, flowers, fine restaurants, trips to tahiti, etc. better be rolling in with the rest of the penance, apologies, and prayers if he wanted a chance in you-know-where of keeping me. It wouldn't make it right, but at least I could keep the jewelry and the golden tan when I finally kicked him out of the house.

    At least he's not producing things like "heh" and other guttural nonsense to support something that is obviously so inappropriate. That was just awful.

    I keep picturing the OP checking his mailbox and going into panic about the number of emails battering him for his affair. These aren't nice thoughts, but I'm still laughing about it a little on the inside.
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #18

    Nov 9, 2008, 11:57 AM

    I am truly getting the feeling that the OP is a Troll.

    I am closing this thread, because it seems to me that it was just posted to get people to respond vehemently, and the OP doesn't really care about the answers.

    If I am wrong, then the Original Poster can send me a private message and I will re-open the thread.

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